Dave claims that the chairman of Westinghouse has agreed to fight him; Dave invites Eylin, a customer at Joe G's pizza into the theater and operate one of the show's cameras; Eylin later joins Willie Nelson in his tour bus, as Congressman Sonny Bono is found fast asleep in Willie's bed; upon waking up, Sonny mulls signing to Calvert's upstart record company.moreless
The final installment of "George Clarke's Quest for Corn" finds our hero at Hello Deli (five ears); afterward, George distributes an ear of corn to everyone in the audience. Later, Weezer performed "Say It Ain't So."
Dave gives $100 to an audience member after a monologue joke bombs; the show is interrupted for a "Dick Assman Update"; father and son audience members Jim and JJ McMichael wave from the top of the Empire State Building.
George Clarke's "Quest for Corn" finds him in Indianapolis with Dave's mom: 5 ears. Later, Nick Turturro and Dennis Franz stand in the green room with their pants down, while Paul and Bruce Hornsby play "Chopsticks" on the keyboard.
During a segment called "Ask the Mayor," someone from the audience asks Rudy Guiliani, "Is that a real hair piece?" Also, a half-awake audience member opens himself to the feminine wiles of Sandra Bullock.
A "Dumb Ads" segment introduces Canadian filling station attendent Dick Assman. The entire North American audience immediately catches "Dick Assmania." Later, a monkey in the green room throws fruit, while The Quest for Corn hits Omaha, Nebraska.
Dave flashes back to how he stayed cool over the weekend by stuffing popsicles in his pants; a woman who picks up one of the pay phones at the kiosk outside the theater is chosen as an honorary guest host; Alicia Silverstone promotes Clueless; Dave and Pam the phone lady switch jackets.moreless
After an admittedly lame remote on a "Day In The Life" of producer Robert Morton, he jumps into a giant bowl of pudding, followed by Dave. Later in the show, Paul, Laurie Diamond, and the members of White Zombie join in.
Dave says hello to viewers in France and Italy in their respective native tongues; during "May We See Your Photos, Please?" Dave demands to see photos of meat or nudity; Penn and Teller perform one of their trademark dangerous stunts.
Jim Carrey, Andre Agassi, and Tom and Roseanne Arnold miraculously appear in the audience, Tom being both on stage and in the audience simultaneously. Also, Dave orders pancakes from the Fashion Cafe for Christy Turlington and a heavyset audience member.
Bernie Kopell storms out of the theater after "The Love Boat" is somehow mentioned twice in a Top Ten List about Hockey. Later, Dave chats with "Coach" star Jerry Van Dyke, while Warren Zevon performs "Mutineer," a song he would later perform in his last TV appearance in 2002.
Dave celebrates the fifteenth anniversary of the debut of The David Letterman Show by showing clips of the first broadcast; Biff interrupts Dave so that Corey Pavin (winner of the 1995 U. S. Open) can drop by; various staffers take their moms to the Russian Tea Room.
Shortly after a "What's New for Summer" segment, Dave hands hamsicles (or, if you will, cold ham on a stick) to the audience. Also, "Batman" (Calvert) hands Dave the Top Ten list, while Tony Bennett performs "My Love Went to London."
Dave arrives at the theater in a police car; throughout the night, spelling bee winner Justin Carroll comes out to spell various ten-cent words; Dave chats with Robert Horry of the NBA Champion Houston Rockets.
Travis, a five-year-old golden retriever, has the "Dog Cam" attached to his head; John Turturro dresses up as Batman, then hands Dave the Top Ten list; Dan Rather talks about Connie Chung's departure from CBS, then promotes his workout video "Old Train Songs to Sweat By."
Dave tells Rupert to bother people at a local bistro with his hidden mic; Dave chats with a woman that recently won $87,000,000 in the state lottery; head CBS executives "Les Moonves" and "Peter Lund" sing Bob Seger's "Like a Rock."
Indianapolis 500 champion Jacque Vileneuve races a NYC cab around the theater block in competition with NYC cabbie Buke Kadikiran; Dave shows (doctored) footage of Dan Rather replacing his CBS Evening News co-host Connie Chung with… Dan Rather.
Cold Opening: Nicole Kidman asks Dave if he's drunk. Also, displayed by the window of an advertising agency across the street from the Ed Sullivan Theater is a giant toothbrush and tooth; Dave invites the workers from that window to bring the items into the theater and then presents them with the Crest Pledge.moreless
Dave takes a bunch of sailors to a local watering hole; Mujibur and Sirajul visit Dorothy in Indianapolis; Dave bids farewell to longtime director Hal Gurnee by placing a plaque on the control room door.
Clint Black sits in; candy is thrown at the audience; the Top Ten Office is relocated to an audience member's hometown of Glenn's Falls, New York; in honor of Ringo Starr, Paul, Dave, and the audience try to recreate Beatlemania.
London, Day 4: Dave and Paul play soccer (or should I say football?) at Wembley Stadium; live via satellite from New York, Tony Randall trashes the theater; John Cleese presents the Top Ten. (correct synopsis)
London, Day 3: "London Souvenirs" include a Prince Charles Ketchup Dispenser, a Bobby Helmet Bra, and a Tea Cannon, brought out by fake London guards. Also, Peter O'Toole enters riding a camel, and Van Morrison barely remembers the words to his own song "Have I Told You Lately" in a performance with Sinead O'Connor and the Chieftains. (correct synopsis)moreless
London, Day 2: The new James Bond, Remington Steele star Pierce Brosnan, enters backstage with models and martinis; Little Richard and Chuck Berry sit in; Dave's mom reports from a pub. (correct synopsis)
The Late Show starts its week broadcasting from London. Ten London Guards bring Dave out onstage; Dave and Paul wreck havoc in the city; Elton John reacts to William Shatner's videotaped rendition of "Rocket Man," then performs "Made in England."
Jimmy Smits, a guest the night before, is seen in his hotel room naked, doing push-ups and watching TV in bed. Also, Paul quits to become a professional boxer, but he gives up and comes back to the show.
All of tonight's guests (Marilu Henner, Kris Kristofferson, Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, Waylon Jennings, and Mario Van Peebles) are at Rupert's playing spin the bottle. Also, the flying rat demonstrates its supremacy of the New York skyline by swallowing a giant bird whole.
Dave and Paul leave the show early to go over to Madison Square Garden for the circus, where they run into an acrobat bearing a strong resemblance to Calvert; the flying rat attacks Dan Rather, and is later seen as a guest on Nightline; Dave and Felecia waltz.
The Flying Rat is introduced on the show during a segment called "What's New for Spring"; in the same segment a small army of clowns attack Mujibur and Sirajul, then storm the Late Show stage; Dave chats with "Buddy, the Sleepy Lifeguard."
After word spreads to the media that he's losing his ratings edge over Leno, Dave wants to find out if people are still watching the show, so he displays his desk phone number on the Times Square Jumbotron. The only people who call are CBS employees who have access to a live feed in their offices. Frustrated, Dave dips the receiver into his coffee.moreless
Tonight on CBS Mailbag, Dave reads a letter from Pat Fleet, somehow prompting Tony Randall to douse Dave’s cigar with a fire extinguisher. Later in the show, Tony drops by again to announce who tomorrow's guests will be, and Dave pays him back with the extinguisher. Later, Biff Henderson and Pat Farmer carry Tony outside and into a taxi. Also, Dolly Parton presents the Top Ten.moreless
Dave complains that the cue-card Tony is holding is too small, so Inky replaces it with a giant banner; ten mayors of other cities present the Top Ten; a blue card is missing and soon found taped to Sandra Bullock's backside.
Dave selects five guys from the audience to compete in a basketball match outside on 53rd Street with five (alleged) New York Knicks. By the end of the show, the final score is Audience 108, Knicks 107.
Two days after NYC's new slogan, "We Can Kick Your City's Ass," reaches beyond the Hudson, Dave hears from mayors of other cities; Slash of Guns n' Roses fame sits in; a skit involving jelly beans bursting out of Biff's ears is botched when the wiring doesn't work properly.
The New York Daily News, having headlined their paper with last night's Guiliani-chosen slogan, distributes miniature buttons to the audience reading "We Can Kick Your City's Ass" commemorating the headline. Also, Bela Fleck sits in with the band on banjo.
Two babes in the audience are observed with "Marry Us Dave" T-shirts; Dave, Calvert, and Biff sit around and do nothing for three minutes; Dave asks cab drivers what they thought of his performance at the Oscars.
Hotdogs on 53rd Street spell out Dave's memorable line from the Academy Awards, "Oprah-Uma"; Creepy Dave lurks in the backdrop during his interview with Bryant Gumbel; Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band reunite to perform "Murder Incorporated," "Tenth Avenue Freezout," and "Secret Garden."
Throughout the night, Dave practices giving out Oscars, awarding achievements by Tony Randall, Doc Severinson (who's sitting in), Tony Mendez, a hi-ho girl, and Sirajul Islam (Mujibur was sick). Also, Dave chats with a man whose dog ran away, then found his pet on the opposite side of the country.
Dave sends the standby audience to The Gap to purchase and wear matching outfits before they're allowed to return to the theater. By the end of the show, they are all wearing identical sweaters and khakis.
Dave sends the standby audience to The Gap to purchase and wear matching outfits before they're allowed to return to the theater. By the end of the show, they are all wearing identical sweaters and khakis. (correct synopsis)
Dave sends three members from the audience to go to a nearby movie theater to videotape some clips from Pulp Fiction. They return in time to show the footage during John Travolta's guest appearance to promote the film. Also, Mujibur and Sirajul report from yesterday's Daytona 500.
Dave Ellner updates his Peaboy persona as "Hamboy," throwing out chunks of ham to the audience. Also, Dave starts singing "Happy Trails" for no reason, and the phone rings; on the other line is Charles Grodin, who pleads, "Please stop singing."
An audience member named Paula is transformed into a kissing bandit by Dave; she later gives Art Donovan a sloppy one on the cheek. Also, Calvert and Gavin MacLeod appear as surprise witnesses at the OJ Simpson trial.
Dave ends the show early yet again, and Paul finds him sobbing on the Ricki Lake show; Biff has champagne coming out of his ears; Dick Clark presents the Top Ten; Dave and Richard Simmons go harassing people door-to-door in New Jersey.
During "Charts and Graphs," Dave sends an audience member down the street for copies of a chart. Also, Dave calls the mother of a different audience member, but he ends up leaving a message on her machine.
In the latest edition of "Rupert and Me," Dave radios strange comments to Rupert, which are then repeated out loud to annoyed passers-by; Nicholas Turturro sings "My Way;" Michael Keaton gets arrested for shoplifting at Hello Deli; Roseanne stars in a "Big Ass Ham" commercial, prompting Dave to later intone "You'll come for the hams; you'll stay for the band."moreless
"Newsman" Alan Richardson interrupts the show with fake bulletins, including reports on Bob Barker, Dow Jones (along with a message to a poodle), and the House GATT vote vs. what's in his pockets. Morty admits that this bit "just isn't funny," and Dave goes into a hypnotic trance, chanting, "Must kill Morty."moreless
Dave calls Joe G's Pizza and distracts Joe G while Paul steals Dave's unflattering likeness from in front of the store and stashes it in a taxi cab; Jon Lovitz plugs North; a Thanksgiving Memory with Dave eating potatoes, than pouring gravy all over himself; Paul celebrates his 45th birthday.
Throughout the night, New York Jets Nick Lowery, Brian Hansen and Roger Duffy kick field goals on 53rd Street; Paul disappears midway through the show, and Dave finds him jamming with Bob Dylan; Willard Scott gives his hairpiece to a bald audience member.
Dave plays "What's the Deal with Pataki?" by randomly calling folks in Albany to ask if they've ever heard of the newly-elected New York Governor. Instead, the first number has been changed, and the second call is an answering machine.
Dave and Paul star in the new medical drama "Doctors," an obvious parody of "Chicago Hope." Also, upon mentioning that he used to work for a haberdasher, Dave sends Mike Wallace to work for Mujibur and Sirajul.
Dave comments on Robbie Kondor; a car alarm goes off outside the theater, so Dave goes outside and bombs the offending car; Chuck Berry sings "Johnny B. Goode"; Zsa Zsa Gabor laments and spews profanities after discovering her car has been destroyed.
"Dropping Stuff Off the 8th Floor Window" includes: champagne bottles, confetti, a TV monitor, presidential plates, fluorescent tubes, and bowling balls into a bathtub of pudding. The first two miss their mark; the third makes it but destroys the tub.
"Back to School Items" includes a Split Pea Volcano. Also, throughout the show, "Wheel of Fortune" puzzles: "Siskel & Ebert," "I Love You, Vanna," "Aaaaaaaaah," "Dave Letterman Is a Pinhead," and "Worldwide Pants."
Dave calls the phone bank on the theater corner and invites someone inside to ask guest Kathie Lee Gifford questions. When the bit doesn't work, Regis Philbin saves the segment by throwing copies of his workout video into the audience.
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