Warren is run over by a car; during "Stupid Human Tricks," Douglas Pierce plays the "Jeopardy" theme on his hands; Dave bids a fond farewell to head writer Bill Scheft; Radiohead performs "Karma Police."
Dave announces that he is starring in the "Late Show of Passion," which is just like the Late Show, except that it's dubbed so it looks like a telenovela. Later, Dave and Joe Montana throw footballs at a garbage truck.
Deliberately-obvious stunt doubles pose as Dave and Paul showing off their bike skills, while Dave carves a sculpture of Paul made from butter; a man claiming to be Garth Brooks is interrogated on "The Biff Henderson Celebrity Telephone Interview."
It's so hot outside that Biff tries to start a fire on the sidewalk with a magnifying glass and a bundle of sticks, as members from New York's Fire Department stand by; Rupert and Leonard bother people per Dave's requests; Jennifer Aniston promotes Picture Perfect.
The Harrison Ford World Tour (in which he's promoting The Devil's Own) makes a stop in Paris, France; Dave suggests the Paul legally change his name to "Radu"; CBS anchorman/folkie at heart Dan Rather sings "The Wabash Cannonball."
Harrison Ford reports from Hawaii; in the debut edition of "Pointless Celebrity Cameo Theater," Calvert, Regis, and Tony Randall stand around like goons while the audience cheers them on; Radish (a band fronted by an early Ben Kweller) perform "Little Pink Stars."
It's time once again for "King of the Meats," the mano-a-mano kosher competition between Rupert of Hello Deli and Amando Vasquez of the nearby Stage Deli. Amando sweeps the three rounds, but Rupert goes home with the ladies.
Dave congratulates Paul on being #6 on the Forbes 500; Biff and Eric Kaplan explain how they make Dave's coffee mug levitate; Sean "Puff Daddy" Combs, Faith Evans, and 112 perform "It's All About the Benjamins."
Dave begins a month-long campaign to run into the ground his current favorite phrase: "Something from the meat case, Linda?" Also, Dave, Tony Randall, and a dozen or so triple-named child actors star in CBS' hot new situation comedy "The Letterman Family."
Pro bowler Nelson Burton, Jr. sits in; during Mailbag, Tom Arnold bits his own ear off; Manny the Hippie resurfaces; for the second year in a row, Dave sends audience members from San Francisco to the Empire State Building to display the US flag.
Dave talks about the a new unauthorized autobiography of Martha Stewart; tonight's guest bowler is Hall of Famer Carmen Salvino; Dave appears in a 50's-style cigarette ad; Evander Holyfield gives Dave his account of the incident that occurred in his fight last weekend with Mike Tyson.
During the "Supermarket Finds" segment, Dave takes a sample of something called "White Fungus" and spits it out; another bowling great (Marshall Holman) sits in with the band on tambourine; Dave chats with Mitchell Libonati, the man who found the piece of Evander Holyfield's ear that was chewed off in the infamous boxing match that previous weekend; Blur performs "Song 2."moreless
Dave gets two girls at a nearby cafe to help celebrate Canada Day with Canada Dry®, which gets delivered by a Mountie; to continue a running gag started the previous night, bowler Johnny Petraglia sits in; various staffers describe clips from America's Funniest Home Videos.
Dave declares a guy named Jeff as "Captain of the Audience," helping the host out with menial tasks such as helping present the Top Ten and keeping the audience awake. Also, film director Robert Zemeckis makes a rare television appearance, promoting his new movie Contact.
The outside cam heads to Joe G's looking for a guy to write a theme song for, where they stumble across Brian and his girlfriend. Also, Dave takes the audience outside to watch Motley Crue perform on the sidewalk.
Anton is introduced as "Anton Zip"; Dave shows the audience a chart of who's permitted to be on the show and who isn't; in tonight's remote, Dave goes to a private school in Manhattan to chat with child prodigies.
Dave gives an audience woman a ham just for being Polish; several members of the cast of Cats go inside FlashDancers; Alan Kalter promotes "Late Show: The Game"; The Mighty Mighty Bosstones perform "The Impression That I Get."
Mailbag: "Farrah Fawcett" (Calvert) explains her behavior from last week. Also, Kenny "The Quick-Witted Stagehand" Sheehan makes his 1000th TV appearance, which is followed by footage of his (bogus) television debut on Ed Sullivan in 1964.
Promoting an upcoming TV special, Farrah Fawcett walks out in a boozy daze, complimenting Dave for the view of the skyline when it's really a backdrop, then crawls around and makes animal noises. At the end of the show, Dave thanks Farrah for "almost being here tonight."
Tonight's remote finds Late Show staffers Eric Stangel, Matt Roberts, Bob Borden, Rodney Munoz, Christian Breheney, and Eric Kaplan relating their Prom Nightmares in the 14th floor break room, with dramatizations that include Rupert Jee and Richard Simmons.
After showing past clips of disastrous attempts at stuffing guys in rabbit outfits inside various locales, Dave announces that it's time to play "How Many Sailors Can Get into a New York City Chicken Restaurant?" With the nearby Ranch 1 offering their services, a whopping 68 sailors walk in without a problem. Also, Dave chats with Ida Doggett, 1997 world bed-making champion.moreless
Biff brings out a Billy goat that supposedly won the Kentucky Derby last weekend; Dave leaves the show to play for the New York Yankees, then goes on a half-hearted tirade when he's cut by the team; "Leonard Tepper's Mile-High Hidden Video" observes unsuspecting tourists at the World Trade Center.
With tonight's audience representing Denver, Colorado, Dave interrupts the monologue to introduce an audience guy who ends up proposing to his girlfriend. Later in the show, Jeff Goldblum gives the happy couple a blender.
In honor of Late Show's 800th episode, Dave introduces "Where Are They Now?" pieces describing the whereabouts of Bernie Kopell, Howie Mandel, Olivia Newton-John, and Bill Clinton. Also, the Spice Girls perform "Who Do You Think You Are."
Dancers from Riverdance make a return appearance on the show. Actually, they're staff writers Gerard Mulligan and Eric Kaplan, Leonard Tepper, and financial wiz/Dave buddy Jim Peterson. Soon after, Robin Williams walks in from Broadway in a similar toe-tappin' style.
Tonight, Dave promises to show things that have never been on television before, including Marv Albert dancing with a giant squirrel, a gay man kissing a lesbian, and Biff playing solitaire topless. Also, Grover Washington, Jr. sits in, while Dave and Rupert do another one of their hidden-mic gags.
With tonight's audience being from the Twin Cities, Dave makes them feel at home by having a faux snow fall in the theater. Also, the Top Ten home office is temporarily relocated to nearby Edina, Minnesota (and is presented by Twins great Kirby Puckett), while Calvert takes a tour of Minneapolis.moreless
Tony Mendez does the Watusi; Biff announces that if Burt Lancaster were alive today, he would've had cream of mushroom soup and a tuna fish sandwich for lunch; stuntmen Ross and Elisa Hartzell shoot crossbow arrows at each other.
"How Many Guys in Bunny Suits Can Get into a Fountain?" Only about six, as the men in costume are thrown out of Central Park by the NYPD. After the first commercial break, John Goodman lunges into the fountain. Also, Hanson performs "MmmBop."
In honor of tonight's audience (all residents of St. Louis and its suburbs), the backdrop is altered to show the city's skyline; Dave shows live footage of the Mets/Cardinals game in progress at Shea Stadium; Roseanne arrives for her interview on a Clydesdale-driven sleigh.
It's "Awards Night" on the Late Show, as throughout the night Biff presents Gordie Howe with the Stanley Cup, Walter Payton with the Super Bowl Trophy, Bobby Allison with the Harley J. Earle Trophy, Kareem Abdul Jabbar with the Larry O'Brien Trophy, Alec Baldwin with the World Series Trophy, and Tony Mendez with the Best Cue Card Boy Trophy. Also, Alec announces on the in-theater PA system that he's a lesbian.moreless
Dave shows a clip from the latest Charlie Brown Special: Charlie Brown declares, "I think I'm a lesbian." Also, two dorky audience members help wash a cab outside the theater, then get hosed down by the NYFD.
Marv Albert interviews accountants, then shows a blooper real along side it; Dave notices that Tony is holding cue cards with gloves on; "Pat Farmer's Live-Action Political Cartoon" takes a swipe at President Clinton.
Champion weightlifter Magnus Vermagnusson lifts various objects, including Mujibur and Sirajul; Dave comments on his upcoming 50th birthday; Zhushi "The World's Only Performing Dog" is the latest animal to stand on stage in lieu of attempting some sort of stunt.
In a running gag that was started two nights before (in homage to something that appeared occasionally on Late Night), Zahshu, "The World's Only Performing Goldfish," develops a severe case of stage fright. At the end of the show, he is removed from his fishbowl and is placed on top of a skateboard.moreless
"How Many Guys in a Bunny Suit Can Get Into H&R Block?" Only two, until both are kicked out. Right after the first commercial break, Biff then tries to get in wearing a dog suit and, despite being escorted by Bill DeLace, is also ejected. When all is said and done, Dave announces the tax company's new slogan: "And stay out!"moreless
A man claiming to be Paul's brother Kenny sits in the audience; Dan Aykroyd promotes "Grosse Point Blank" and sings "Money"; Dave meets "do-it-yourself dentist" David Kriuthoff, who fidgets with a special camera that can go inside the mouth to demonstrate how he did his own root canal with no anaesthetic.moreless
Songwriter Jimmy Webb sits in, and throughout the night the band plays his songs; Dave shows a tape of Rob Burnett's daughter being scared to death by Daddy as the Easter Bunny; Dave tells a story about how he spent his Easter with Nadine Hennelly, but as usual Paul coerces him into telling the sad, awful truth.moreless
Mailbag: Alan has an announcer sitting in with him, only to realize he's not his intern but his willing replacement. Meanwhile, Academy Award winner Billy Bob Thornton (live via satellite) presents the Top Ten.
Dave announces that today is Tony Mendez' 60th birthday, even though he's only 52; Dave orders Anton to fetch him some coffee; a man-on-the-street segment dissects tonight's "Top Ten Easter Bunny Pet Peeves."
Today's burning question: "How Many Guys in Bunny Suits Can Get into a Coffee Shop?" All 23 guys that volunteered get in, and they are later joined by a geeky audience member from Georgia, who is later carried back to the stage by the bunnies.
The camera fixates on a guy in the audience with a gigantic gut with DAVE written on it. Also, Martin Short does another musical number, with a final note so extended that he leaves the stage, goes to the bank, buys a sandwich at Hello Deli, picks up his dry cleaning, and returns to the theater just in time for the big climax.moreless
During "Rejected Commercial Characters," jokes are translated for a select audience onstage from English to Japanese; Dave gives three sets of lottery numbers to play; Chevy Chase (promoting "Vegas Vacation") does a rubber band race with Dave.
On the three-year anniversary of his memorable first appearance on the Late Show, super-bowler Dick Weber rolls one strike after another out on 53rd Street. Later, he and Bill Cosby go one-on-one on the specially-built lane, with Weber decimating the sitcom star.
The outside cam goes to Joe G's to launch production of the quickie movie "Space Volcano"; Bruce Willis murders Mujibur and Sirajul; Demi Moore shows up with 15 dogs as a gift for Dave, and later the mutts storm the control room.
Two weeks before, NBC denied Dave permission to use clips from his old show. So tonight, Tom Brokaw arrives and offers Dave a crumpled-up videotape from Late Night with David Letterman. Also, Dave shows a faux-documentary short called "Dave's Family Weekend" (with Andrea as his sister and Leonard as Mr. Rogers).moreless
Dave brags that he had an incredible Valentine's Day last year, until Paul persuades him to admit that he spent it watching TV with an amorous Leonard. Also, the Jazz Passengers (featuring Deborah Harry and Elvis Costello) perform "Doncha Go 'Way Mad."
Throughout the night, Biff, Pat and Kenny recreate scenes from Academy Award-nominated films, including "The English Patient" and "Jerry McGuire." The gag comes to an abrupt end when, while attempting to spoof "Secrets and Lies," they can't find anybody who saw the film.
Mailbag: Paul appears in a commercial for "Uncle Dave's Non-Alcoholic Gin." Also, Dave and Green Bay Packers QB Brett Farve throw footballs into cabs, and David Spade promotes his new sitcom, "Just Shoot Me."
Know Your Current Events: Dave promises an audience participant named Brian (who Dave keeps calling "Larry") that if he can kick a field goal outside, he can sit onstage. Brian hits the field goal post at 20 yards and wins his onstage seat.
In honor of the re-release of the entire Star Wars trilogy, Dave moves his coffee mug with a little help from "the force"; Billy Bob Thornton promotes his Academy Award-nominated film Sling Blade; the acrobatic Tokyo Stunt Boys bomb in their first (and ultimately only) American television performance.
Tony is caught eating a donut while holding the cue cards, so Dave makes sure he has enough food for the rest of the show. Near the end of the hour, Tony has a plate full of bacon and eggs, which he washes down with a martini.
Dave shows a promo of "Rupert Jee's Private Parts," a spoof of the upcoming Howard Stern movie. Amongst those who participate in this parody are Rupert, Leonard, and "Paul Shaffer as ‘David Letterman.'"
Biff presides over another segment of "What They Would Have Had for Lunch If They Were Still Alive." Tonight, Lorne Greene: "a BLT." Also, Tony Williams sits in on drums, while Dave introduces Paul as "Little Jimmy Dickens."
Alan interrupts the monologue to comment on yesterday's Packers-Patriots Super Bowl; an audience member receives Dave's autograph; Calvert reports from New Orleans, where football fans are still celebrating after yesterday's championship.
It's an "All Kevin Spectacular" as Kevin Kline, Kevin Sorbo, and Kevin Brennan guest on the show. The closing credits on the show include all staffers named Kevin (Kevin Burnett, Kevin Foley, Kevin Gaines, Kevin Mulligan [actually the name of Gerard's son], and so on).
Dave shows QVC footage of a Cabbage Patch Bill Clinton doll eating French fries; Actor Chris O'Donnell does a Stupid Human Trick; the drama class from Calhoun High School re-enacts the first half of the show.
It's time for another Late Show experiment: "Who Will Get Kicked Out of TGIF's Sooner, a Shirtless Guy or a Guy with Ten Dogs?" Answer: the shirtless guy. Later, Dave instructs Chris from the audience to negotiate with TGIF (where he works), and soon enough, everyone is allowed inside.
Dave deems the show to be such a success that he announces the production of four spin-offs, "Rupert Touches Meat," "Leonard's Candid Camera," "Kenny's Baywatch" (with the stagehands running in slow motion), and "Late Show with Carlos Huaycaga."
An audience member celebrating her birthday dances onstage; Inky threatens to throw a rock at Dave; Dave chats with a nine-year-old girl that delivered her baby brother in a stuck elevator; Inky settles his differences and dances with Kim the audience girl.
Dave swipes Tony's gum, which he had tried to hide on top of one of the cameras. Also, Rupert of Hello Deli is pitted against Amando of Stage Deli in a little competition called "The King of Meats." It was a close battle throughout, but Amando ends up victorious.
During CBS Mailbag, a viewer asks what Dave did for New Year's. Dave flashes back to a wild night with a bunch of fabulous babes, while Paul brings him back to earth, and Dave flashes back to a night spent at the laundromat drinking Tide.
Dave introduces an audience member named Tara to Alec Baldwin; Dave shows a drawing of him in a 70's-era leisure suit; from the hit Broadway revival "Chicago," Bebe Neuwirth and Ann Reinking perform "And All That Jazz."
Calvert DeForest is live at Times Square as the show is taped hours earlier; Tom Arnold appears again on New Year's Eve, this time without Roseanne; Biff gets scissors from Dave to get rid of the Cabbage Patch doll chewing on his ear; Kamarr the Discount Magician tries in vain to impress the audience.moreless
John Popper of Blues Traveler sits in; Dave is the first to wish you a Happy New Year; during CBS Mailbag, "Dick Clark" (Calvert) sings "Auld Lang Syne"; Dave shows a clip of Biff Henderson's "The Rules".
Dave hugs a male audience member; fake snow falls on the backdrop, then on the audience; Darlene Love (featuring Bette Sussman) continues her holiday tradition of singing "Christmas (Baby, Please Come Home)."
1996: Two merchant marines do push-ups onstage; Dave and Paul reprise the roles of their alter egos, Gator and Skunk; Leonard Tepper performs in the Late Show "kid's nativity play"; Counting Crows appear for the second night in a row.
Dave calls the corner pay phones, but no one answers. He finally steps outside and tells anyone to pick up the phone. After some guy named Phil answers it, Dave has to scream at him to come inside. When he finally responds, Dave gives him a ham.
Dave announces he's #45 on TV Guide's greatest stars list; after interviewing Nicole Kidman, Dave is dyspeptic and demands a roll of Tums®; the roof cam reveals Santa dumping a corpse in a garbage disposal.
After Dave offers a million dollars claiming that there's no such person named Sivareddy Gotike, whose letter was read on the CBS Mailbag the week before, Sivareddy appears on the show to collect. Dave offers him and his friend Srinivas a hotel room, dinner at Tad's, dinner at the 21 Club, two tickets to "Cats," two tickets to a Jets game, a camera, car service, and dates instead.moreless
Friday Night on the Road finishes in Miami, Florida. It's so hot in the Coconut Grove Playhouse that Dave strips off his suit and hosts the show in his khakis and t-shirt: "This is exactly what rehearsal looks like."
Dave calls a desk jockey from across the street named Samantha Giafoni, asking for her opinion about Michael Jackson's wedding over the weekend. After calling his latest Meg Parsont surrogate, autumn leaves are dumped in her office.
From Chicago: Paul meets his long-lost brother Matt Shaffer on "Jerry Springer" just as Dave was going to admit to being a transvestite. Also, Dave introduces ten citizens with distinct names for "Top Ten Our Favorite Illinois Names." His choice for #1, Springfield resident Minnie Cocke, has her mug displayed on the United Center jumbotron.moreless
During Mailbag, a viewer pleads for no more Dole jokes, so "Bob Dole" (Calvert) appears on stage and sings Lionel Richie's "Say You, Say Me," a pop ditty which includes the immortal lines, "I had a dream; I had an awesome dream."
Dave says goodnight halfway through the show and then leaves. Paul goes to search for Dave but gets distracted playing basketball. Dave is finally found guiding planes on the runway at JFK Airport, so Biff calls him via a courtesy phone and tells him to return.
Dole's campaign gets desperate with their new poster: "For the love of God, don't vote for Tubby"; Dave cures Paul's "election fever" by having a taxi run him over; teen actress Claire Danes plugs Romeo + Juliet; Phil Collins performs "Dance Into The Light."
Dave shows a poster that proves that Bob Dole's presidential campaign is doomed: "For The Love of God, Don't Vote for Tubby." Also, Calvert reports from the Game 1 of the Braves-Yankees World Series, during which he hugs the mayor of Atlanta.
Dave admits again that he's intimidated by Midnight Oil; using the external camera and the phone, Dave searches for a new anchor for CBS-2 New York, and decides on a girl from British Columbia named Donna Hill; who makes several (bogus) news reports throughout the night; Midnight Oil performs "Common Ground."moreless
Dave shows a tape of Bob Dole blinking in the first presidential debate; Michael J. Fox gets a car for high school graduation (he didn't officially graduate until that Spring); The Kinks' Ray Davies performs "To the Bone."
Leon Pendarvis sits in for Paul; it's "Big Comedy Monday," as Gerard Mulligan is the bride to a wedding, Biff gets soup with Lemon Pledge at Rupert's, and Jay Johnson is soaked with iced tea; visiting “Late Night” sidekick Andy Richter returns an ashtray from Dave's term at NBC. claiming he found it in his NBC office, when the new "Late Night" crew was moving in.moreless
For the unofficial Three-Year Anniversary, Dave shows some of his favorite clips, then goes door-to-door in New Jersey with Gene Siskel, Roger Ebert and Richard Simmons. Also, a surprised Dave tells Brian Williams that he's "too funny to be in news," and No Doubt performed "Spiderwebs."
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