Sophie: Well, where'd Hazlit come from?
Hardison: One guess.
Parker: Santa's Workshop.
Hardison: No. And that's two guesses, stop playing.
Eliot: You spent $100,000 on a motorcycle.
Hardison: Don't hate the gift. Hate the elf.
Eliot: I do hate the elf.
Eliot: You realize without that safety study, we've got nothing.
Eliot: So why'd you promise him that?
Nate: Because we are not gonna let that toy get released. We're gonna steal Christmas.
Zachary: God. You get me. When I win my first Oscar, I'm gonna name it after you, Miss Devereaux. I'm going to thank everybody and then I'm going to say, "This is not an Oscar, it's a Devereaux."
Sophie: Okay, Zachary.
Nate: Okay, Hardison, so you get on that lecture thing. Eliot, you get on the mommies.
Hardison: And he doesn't mean that literally.
Eliot: That joke is never funny.
Hardison: It's always funny.
Eliot: It's not, Hardison. Comedy is about timing and you don't have it.
Nate: Uh, yeah, what do you think parents are most afraid of?
Parker: Evil clowns?
Nate: No, Parker.
Parker: Crazy clowns named GeeGee that whisper your name from under your bed?
Hardison: Is he serious? I mean, dang, I feel like I just got sucker-punched by an elf-hating, Scrooge-loving, no-gift-giving anti-Claus. I mean, am I bleeding?
Sophie: Little bit.
Hazlit: This is about Trent Hazlit.
Pantani: Oh, right, right. So, go out there and give them a big old bag of Trent.
Hazlit: Shut up.
Eliot: Promise me those things will never hit store shelves.
Parker: Nah, I'm keeping them all to myself. I've got them lined up in my warehouse like an army of joy and rage.
Hardison: You don't ever want to be in that warehouse alone.
Sophie: I think we should give each other some trust for Christmas.
Parker: What, like that willow exercise and you fall back and someone catches you?
Sophie: No, not like that.
Parker: Good. Because I did that once, and I dropped the person. And they had to get stitches.
Hardison: Still hurts.
Parker: I know.
Nate: When I was a kid, I wanted a trumpet one Christmas. My--my father played Sinatra all the time, and Sinatra had this trumpet played named Sweets Edison--Harry Sweets Edison. Great sound, amazing. I wanted to sound just like him, you know? Christmas rolled around, and, um, there was no trumpet, just a pack of baseball cards. My father said that Santa must've had a rough year at the tracks. Anyway, a couple of days later, I wake up in my bed and at the foot of my bed is... is a trumpet. It's all tarnished and dinged up, my dad probably rolled somebody for it, but... but there it is. I played that trumpet every day for ten years. I never--I never ended up sounding like Sweets Edison, but... So I gave it to--I gave it to Sam on his eighth birthday. And that was--his, um, first trumpet lesson was scheduled for the day, as it turns out, that he went into the hospital. And I, so he... I don't have anything left from my childhood, but I did keep the trumpet. I keep it on the boat.
Canada: February 11, 2013 on Super Channel 1