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Kenny Craig's Date
Sign outside hotel: All roomes with en-suitee.
Funny place name: Northwestshire, Herby, Kelsey Grammar School, Richard Vranch House, Uncle Albert Hall, Trowby, Ye olde hotele and Darkley Noone.
Funny times: Half past Rene, Julia o'clock.
Opening Titles: Characters featured in the opening titles during Series 1 are as follows.
• Marjorie throwing a tray of cakes.
• Jason and Gary.
• Daffyd standing outside the pub.
• Peter Andre is creepily waving the British flag.
• Dame Sally Markham outside her mansion with Miss Grace in the background carrying the dog.
• Emily Howard on a beach, twirling his umbrella.
• Vicky at Darkly Noone Comprehensive school.
• Ray McCooney outside Ye Olde Hotel.
• Lou and Andy infront of a bonfire outside their house.
First appearances: Lou and Andy, Kenny Craig, Ray McCooney, Kelsey Grammer School and The Pianist
The credit 'With the voice of TOM BAKER' was moved to a later position in the credits to accomodate the end joke.
In the sketch where Kenny Craig and his date are at the Chinese restaurant, the couple sitting behind them are Matt Lucas' mother and stepfather.
Narrator: (during credits) I hope you've enjoyed tonights programme. If you haven't, you might like to jot down the names currently appearing on your screen and make obscene phone calls to them. There's mine now, quick! Until next time, good-bike! (telephone rings, Narrator picks up) Hello? No, I'm not wearing any knickers.
Teacher: (reading Vicky Pollard's essay) 'What was Lord Kitchener's role in World War One? No, but, yeah... In World War One or some'inc there was this bloke right called Kitchener or some'inc... or nothing who done this thing but he ain't...ne... even not done it so shut up. Anyway, Kathy reckons she saw Candice getting off with Tony...' Tozzer?
Vicky: Tozzer, yeah.
Teacher: '...in foot locker, but anyway don't listen too her because she's got one tit bigger than the other.'
Teacher: Vicky, this simply wont do.
Vicky: Why, is there a problem with spellin'?
Teacher: Now, about this essay...
Vicky: I DUN IIIT!
Myfanwy: (imitating) 'Ooh I'm the only gay in the village!' You're full of sh*t you are!
Daffyd: That's exactly the kind of homophobic attitude I've come to expect in this village! Good day!
Myfanwy: Daffyd Thomas, you bloody fool! You could have had a bit of c*ck there.
Lodger: I am gay, I've had sex with men and everything!
Myfanwy: That's more than you've had Daffyd!
Daffyd: SHUT-UP MYFANWY!
Daffyd: No you are not a gay, I am the gay, you're probably just a little bit puffy.
Narrator: If you have a verruca and would like to share it with others, then why not pop down to your local swimming pool?
Ray: I leave yee with a riddle! I'm hard yet soft, I'm coloured yet clear, I am fruity and sweet, I am jelly, what am I?
Ray: Muse upon it further, I shall return.
Customer: It's jelly though isn't it?
Marjorie: Because it's half the calories, you can have twice as much!
Paul: That's so stupid!
Paul: You're never gonna lose weight like that!
Marjorie: Oh dear. Nineteen stone twelve...
Marjorie: Take the food you like, whether it's yer chocolate, yer biscuits, or yer cake... (in a deep voice) OH MAN I LOOOVE THEE CAKE!
Marjorie: Err... Mary.
Meera: Fish and Chips
Marjorie: Sorry, do it again?
Meera: Fish and Chips.
Marjorie: (to the group) Doesn't make sense. (to Meera) Do i' again!
Meera: Fish and Chips!
Marjorie: Do i' again.
Meera: Oh forget it!
Marjorie: Must be some sort of dish that we don't get over here. (writes 'Curry' on the board)
Marjorie: Cake! Yes! Cake! We like a bit of cake, don't we? I know I do, I love... I do I love a bit of cake! I do! I just like cake! I'm just one of those people, I come 'ome and all I want is a slice of cake, I just love cake! I just love cake! I just love a bit of cake! CA-AKE! I love a bit of cake! Cake... Lovely.
Dave: Chocolate biscuits!
Marjorie: Well they're sort of covered in chocolate.
Paul: Yeah, that's why he likes them.
Marjorie: (to Paul) Yeah, you see, that's why you're so fat, because you don't take it seriously(!)
Marjorie: Our buzz word for today is... Cravings! Cravings! Not John Cravings! We're not talking John Cravings' News Round-up, no.
Paul: What are you gonna make me then, twenty stone?
Marjorie: Don't be silly, Paul! Nineteen stone eleven...
Dennis: (singing) Mr Macbeth is a naughty ma-an, Do do do do-do. He gone and killed another ma-an, Do-do do do do. I have a good idea, just thou keep me near. I'd be so good for... the Scottish play!
Narrator: Britain, Britain, Britain! Land of technological achievement. We've had running water for over ten years, an underground tunnel that links us to Peru and we invented the cat. But none of these inventions would have been possible were it not for the people of Britain and it is those people that we do look at today. Let's do it!
(Sebastian is knelt down staring at the Prime Minister's trousers).
Prime Minister: Is that everything?
Prime Minister: Do you want to get up?
Teacher: Vicky, do you want to pass your GCSE?
Vicky: GCS what?
(Teacher remains silent)
Vicky: Don't give me evos!
Narrator: Of course, if I was Prime Minister, I'd knock through to number eleven and have a sort of larger living area.
Andy Pipkin is based on Matt Lucas' original parody character of Andy Warhol, which was seen in their original show Rock Profiles in which they mocked Artists. Also Marjorie Dawes's voice and character is based on Lucas's portrayal of Geri Halliwell on the same show.
Funniest Sketch: In a survey conducted and broadcast by Channel 4, The Lou and Andy Swimming Pool sketch was voted 1st out 50 of Britain's Funniest Sketches.
The Gary and Jason sketch appeared in the pilot episode. It's been refilmed using the same script (except for a few extra lines given to Julie) but with completely different cast for Gary's family.
The Ray McCooney character almost appeared as a chef in an almost identical sketch in the pilot episode. It was cut from broadcast versions at the last moment so they could redo it with Ray as a hotel owner instead of a chef. This sketch can still be seen on the Series 1 DVD.
The Daffyd vs. Lodger sketch appeared in the pilot episode, but has been rescripted slightly with some even funnier lines and refilmed with Ruth Jones taking the part of Myfanwy.
The BBC THREE ident shown before the start of this programme featured a blob with the voice of Vicky. This ident has been used several times since for the continuity of Little Britain and other programmes.
Narrator: At this comprehensive school in Darkley Noone.
This is a play on the title of the film, The Passion of Darkly Noone which revolves around a man's escape from a twisted cult.
Sign: Richard Vranch House
Look out for other 'Who's Line is it Anyway' allusions later in the series.
The Minstrel sketch parodies the American Minstrel Shows of the late 19th century. They were merely white people, wearing black face paint, creating a caricature of a black man. This sketch jokes that they're a genuine race in their own right and are under the threat of deportation from England because there's too many of them.
Daffyd: Who was the gay character in Are You Being Served?
Daffyd's second gay test question relates to the 1970s Department Store Sitcom 'Are You Being Served which stars, amongst others, John Inman as Mr. Humphries, a very camp character whom all the 'gay jokes' were centered around. Daffyd appears to have missed this point and thinks that Frank Thornton's Captain Peacock character was the gay character because he had a mustache.
Daffyd: Who played Dorothy in the film 'The Wizard of Oz'.
The first of Daffyd's gay test questions refers to Judy Garland's part in the 1939 classic The Wizard of Oz.
Ray plays the Countdown theme on his flute.
Countdown is a long running quiz show on the UK TV station: Channel 4. Ray plays the familar ending to the theme, which also accompanies the 'Countdown clock' within the game when the 30 seconds of a round are up.
Kelsey Grammer School Teacher: In the Style of the Elephant Man!
The school children are forced to emulate John Hurt's character John Merrick in the 1980 film The Elephant Man, whilst reading Charles Dickens' Great Expectations.
School Children: Read Great Expectations by Charles Dickens
Allusion to a classic novel
School Name: Kelsey Grammer School
A play on words and allusion to famous American actor. Grammer Schools are well known and so is the name Kelsey Grammer, star of 'Frasier' and 'The Simpsons'. Fuse the two together and it sounds like a Grammer School in a town called Kelsey. A similar joke occurs later in the series when Denver Mills visits Robert Downey Junior School.
Narrator: Meanwhile, at the Uncle Albert Hall, a recital is taking place...
Pub Name: Freebie and the Bean
Reference to the 1974 movie 'Freebie and the Bean'.
Marjorie: Not John Cravings! We're not talking about John Cravings' News Round-up.
Reference to the long running Children's BBC news show Newsround which used to be known as 'John Craven's News Round', after it's original host.
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