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Little Britain

Season 1 Episode 2

Series 1 Episode 2

Aired Thursday 9:00 PM Sep 23, 2003 on BBC
out of 10
User Rating
47 votes

By TV.com Users

Episode Summary

Daffyd realises his exclusive copy of the Gay Times has been sold and demands to know who too. • Lou is taking Andy out for dinner. Andy wants to go dressed as a Smurf, against Lou's better judgement. • Vicky is accused of pushing a young girl into a swimming pool. • At Kelsey Grammer school the boys are preparing to take a test. • Dr Lawrence is in his office informing an inspector how the Steven Spielberg institute is run. • Sebastian walks in while the PM is changing and pounces on him, claiming there's a sniper at the window. • Back at the institute Dr Lawrence is showing the inspector how Anne likes to look after the garden. • Back at Kelsey Grammer School the test continues while the teacher does a bit of vacuuming. • Lou is installing handle bars next to Andy's toilet so he can pull himself onto it when Lou isn't there. • Dame Sally Markham finishes 'The Lady in White' but it's only seventy-six pages long. • David Soul is asked to visit a sick child in hospital. • Marjorie defends Fat Fighters against an 'anonymous' tip off that the whole thing is just a scam. • Dr. Lawrence continues his tour in the canteen where Ann is doing her best to ruin their meals. • Jason performs the Heimlich manoeuvre on Gary's Nan... or at least we think that's what it was. • Back at school, the pupils battle through their test as the teacher sets off three fireworks in the classroom. • Clive is hoping his wife Liz will be quiet about her past claim to fame while they're at a restauant. • Les McKeown performs some songs for the sick child and her parents. • A retired police officer starts teaching driving lessons while still wearing his uniform. • The record attempters are attempting the world record for tallest man.moreless

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    Graham Beasley

    Graham Beasley


    Guest Star

    Anjali Mya Chadha

    Anjali Mya Chadha


    Guest Star

    Gwenllian Davies

    Gwenllian Davies

    Mrs. Llewellyn

    Guest Star

    Stephen Aintree

    Stephen Aintree


    Recurring Role

    Charubala Chokshi

    Charubala Chokshi


    Recurring Role

    Joann Condon

    Joann Condon

    Fat Pat

    Recurring Role

    Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


    • TRIVIA (6)

      • Funny Place Name: St. God's Hosptial in Shireshire, A Steven Spielberg hospital in Flatley.

      • Goof: (crew in shot) When Daffyd is walking down the street you can see the reflection of the camerman in the window.

      • This episode has the only Dr Lawrence and Anne sketch where Dr Beagrie talks.

      • First appearences: Anne, Dr Lawrence and Dr Beagrie, Dame Sally Markham and Miss Grace, Rod and Joan, Clive and Liz. Driving Instructor.

      • The Michael and Sebastian opinion poll sketch is originally from the pilot, it's been altered slightly: Tom Baker's dialogue was changed and the end dialogue by the PMs wife "Darling isn't it time you got rid of Sebastian" has been removed completely

      • Vicky Pollard goes to the same swimming pool as Lou and Andy in the previous episode. It's possible that Emily Howard went to this one in the pilot, too.

    • QUOTES (23)

      • (In the tallest man competition)
        Ian 1: He said they're only measuring from the top of the head down.
        Ian 2: (with a big hat) Oh.

      • Instructor: Faster, faster!
        Sam: Isn't it a 30 mile an hour limit?
        Instructor: What speed are you doing?
        Sam: Erm, 72.
        Instructor: Stop the car!

      • Liz: And I'll have a glass of Molly... Ooh I mean water! Sorry, did someone say Molly Sugden?

      • Jason: Well it's nice to spend time with you... (looks at Gareth's Nan) ...all.

      • Marjorie: And you found the special Fat Fighters range helped?
        Cliff: No they're a waste of...
        Marjorie: (interrupting) Good!

      • Narrator: So what have we learned from this evening's programme? That some ducks have bells and some don't. That murder isn't morally wrong and most importantly we've learned how to tell a goblin from a Hob Goblin! Good byeeeeee!

      • (Sam is taking a driving lesson. His instructor, who still thinks he's a police officer, walks around the car and taps on the drivers window)
        Instructor: Is this your vehicle sir?
        Sam: No, it's yours.
        Instructor: Drivers licence?
        Sam: I was rather hoping you could help me out on that one.
        Instructor: Oh dear, we've got a comedian (!).

      • Liz: (about the waiter) If he asks me one more question about Mollie Sugden, I shall scream!

      • Narrator: It is the law in Britain that on Sundays everybody must eat a roast. The most popular meats are beef, lamb, pork and bat.

      • Marjorie: So what would you say to someone who was a bit of a Judus and was thinking of leaving Fat Fighters.
        Cliff: Well I think being around other people also...
        Marjorie: (interrupting) Yeah, don't say it to me, say it to him (points at Paul)
        Cliff: Erm, having people around you who are also trying to lose weight gives you that extra boost really, so if you wanna lose weight then keep coming.
        Marjorie: (to Paul) Yeah, ya fat sh*t!

      • David Soul: (signing his album) Is that Katy with a Y?
        Joan: No, it's Joan... with a J.
        Rod: And err, Rod... just Rod.
        Nurse: (entering room) Hi, David Essex is in reception.
        Joan: We're going to have to hurry you out David.
        David: (finishes writing on album) It's a real pleasure to meet you both and I do hope that Katy gets better soon.
        Rod: Thank you David Soul
        (David throws the pen on the bed and storms out)
        Joan: What's he put?
        Rod: To Rod and Joan, Screw you. David Soul.
        Joan: Must be an American thing.

      • Rod and Joan: (singing) When I need you, I just clothes my eyes and I feel you...
        David Soul: Leo Sayer.
        Rod: (to Joan) Stupid cow.

      • Dame Sally: How many pages?
        Miss Grace: Still not enough, I'm afraid.
        Dame Sally: Oh well, let's come back to that one. What's it called again?
        Miss Grace: Err, 'Lady In White'.
        Dame Sally: Well, let's start another one. 'The Lady In Mauve'. Chapter one: The end!

      • Narrator: Books were introduced into Britain in the nineteen fifties. Early books had no words or pictures. But nowerdays the book world is thriving with over seven books published every year.

      • Anne: Eee eee eeer. (she tries to force an uprooted tree into the flower bed) duh eeh eh-deh (her mobile phone rings, she answers it) Hello? Yes, I'm just in the middle of something at the moment, can I call you back? Okay, bye-bye. (hangs up the phone and continues banging tree into ground) Aaa eee eeer!

      • Prime Minister: Can we get up now?
        Sebastian: Give it a minute.

      • Vicky: (to girl in the pool) Don't go giving me evils! (Vicky splashes her with water) Bitch!
        (the lifeguard blows loudly on his whistle)
        Vicky: OH SHUT UP!

      • Lifeguard: Get out and go and get changed.
        Vicky: I'm just gonna go for a wee first and then I'll get changed.
        Lifeguard: Be quick.
        (Vicky stands motionless in the pool for approximately ten seconds)
        Vicky: Right I'll go and get changed.

      • Lifeguard: Did you push her in or not?
        Vicky: No, because I'd never do that, because once I heard this thing right, that a man pushed a man and the man died and that's true and if you don't believe me you can ask him yourself and anyway Jono tripped up Dean Hurst by the waterslides and he had to have three hundred stiches in his face and when his Mum found out she went down Jono's dad's car show room and went up to a Vauxhall Astra and done her dirty business on it.

      • Narrator: Swimming pools in Britain have very strict rules. No bombing, no petting, no ducking and no Fondoo parties.

      • Andy: (to waiter): D'ya do crisps?

      • Narrator: Have you ever done it gay-wise? I have, it's a hoot!

      • Narrator: Britain, Britain, Britain! Land of tradition, fish and fries, the changing of the garden, trooping the coloureds. But have you ever wondered about the people of Britain? Nor have I, but this show aims to find out by following the lives of ordinary British folk. What is them? Who do they and why?

    • NOTES (1)

      • 4th Funniest Sketch: In a survey conducted and broadcast by Channel 4, The Vicky Pollard Swimming Pool sketch was voted 4th out 50 of Britain's Funniest Sketches.

    • ALLUSIONS (7)