Max: Regine, you little maggot. I can't believe you put our business out on the street like that.
Synclaire: You told him about my feet.
Khadijah: And my panties. And I will have you to know that since I have been dating Alonzo, I have been wearing my special occassion underwear. From the back of the drawer.
Khadijah: I think we all need to make an effort not to gossip.
Regine: Hold up. That's very vague. What you mean by gossip?
Khadijah: Whatever comes out of your mouth.
Khadijah: We know way too much about these people.
Max: That's 'cause Radio Free Regine is on the mic 24/7.
Regine: When you think about it, it's pretty funny.
Khadijah: Go to hell! There's nothing funny about a big-mouth roommate.
Synclaire: Ditto. Except for the "hell" part.
Max (When Kyle is at door and has called Khadijah on his cell phone): Hey, you can hang up on him and slam the door in his face at the same time.
Kyle: I know it weighs only 5.9 ounces.
(Phone rings. Khadijah picks up receiver and staggers)
Khadijah: Oh no! I gotta pick up this heavy phone again. Synclaire, spot me.
Synclaire: Wanna see Khadijah in an Afro?
Max: That's no big deal. Afros are back.
Synclaire: Not this Afro.
Max: Khadijah! You've got enough hair here for Earth, Wind and Fire.
Tony: I thought you only had two roommates.
Regine: Uh-huh. And a pet pig.
Synclaire: Obie, would you ever date more than one woman?
Overton: Only if there was more than one of you. And even then, hell, I'd be partial to the first one.
Tony: You can tell it's spring, 'cause that's when all the beautiful women come out. (Woman stands and dances) Not you, girl. You've been out since winter. Sit down.
Tony (to Kyle): I guess if they did "Coming to America, Part Two" you'd already be in wardrobe, huh?
Khadijah: I'll have you know that since I've been dating Alonzo I've been wearing my special occasion underwear from the back of the drawer.
Overton: Ladies, ladies, please. They're called unmentionables for a reason.
Regine: I was walking down the street minding my own business when my ears were assaulted by this conversation.
Max: Well, ours don't have to be. We agreed not to do this.
Regine: It's about Kyle!
Max: Okay, maybe we should consider that...
Overton: Man, she saw through me like a chiffon prom dress in the rain.
Synclaire: It was taffeta. Taffeta!
Synclaire (to Regine): How would you feel if your comedian friend did a little routine about you. "Hey folks. How you doing? I have this friend, Regine. She's so vain, she probably thinks this joke is about her. Don't you? Don't you?"
Hutch: Carly Simon, ladies and gentlemen. So glad you could join us. Now sit your ass down.
Overton: Don't make me roll up on stage, Mr. Comedy Man.
Regine: I do not gossip, all right? I merely commiserate on the human condition.
Max: Isn't April the one who's really a man?
Overton: Nah. April's the one whose thighs play 'Shoop' when she walks.
Tony: I got bumped from Arsenio three times. They keep booking me with Richard Simmons. And once he skips into the audience doing that little deal-a-meal dance, it's all over. "You can lose weight too."
Synclaire: You know, instead of all these talk shows, they should just have a quiet show, where you could sit and watch people thinking about something.
When the emcee at the club introduces Tony, he says that he was in "Strictly Business 3." This is a non-existent sequel to the 1991 movie in which Kim Coles made her feature film debut.
Story editor Warren Hutcherson, who wrote the episode, makes an appearance as the emcee at the comedy club.
The episode title is a reference to the Charles Dickens' novel, A Tale of Two Cities.