Living Single Season 5 Episode 13

Overton: Well, easy target as Max is, you look me in the eye and tell me you're over her.

Kyle: No. See, see, my life has never been better. I am this close to making partner, I just got a gig singing at a jazz club in Chelsea, and I don't mean to brag, but the Brits are caught up in a little thing they are calling Barkermania.

Kyle: It's just that I never pictured you as the motherly type is all.
Max: And all that time I spent trying to make a man out of you.
Kyle: Well, then who did you seduce and where is the body buried?
Max: Not deep enough.

Kyle: Overton man, I've been gone for six months, I mean I know I'm virile and all.

Overton: "Wait a minute. You got your seed from the Turner Institute? Oh, small world."
Synclaire: "Wait a minute, Overton. Are you trying to tell me that your swimmers are doing laps in somebody else's pool?"

Max: "No, no, no. Donor 432 is not Kyle Barker. Check out my fine speciman's profile."
Khadijah: "Let's see. Ethnic group: African American. IQ: 140. Education: Advanced degree. Height: 5'10". Weight: 175. Interests include fitness, African studies...singing."
Synclaire: "Oh my God."
Khadijah (singing): "My funny valentine."
Khadijah and Synclaire (singing): "Sweet comic valentine."

Max: "This man is a big-wave surfer, all right? The only thing Kyle ever surfed was the freaking Internet."
Overton: "Oh my!"
Max: "'Oh my.' What are you 'oh mying' about?"
Overton: "Well, see, Kyle wanted his recipient to be able to appreciate intelligence, plus have a sense of adventure. That way they could, uh, create a superbaby."
Max: "Hey dude, what the hell are you saying?"
Overton: "Look here, honey. I ain't no genetic scientist, but it look like you've got Big Wave Barker's bun in that oven."
(Max screams.)

Khadijah: "Somebody got to tell Kyle."
Overton: "Well, you know, he is in Ohio visiting the folks for the holidays. I could call him up and tell him to come up here for the New Year's Eve party tonight. And then maybe we can get Max to spill the beans about them beans."
Synclaire (whimpering): "How come I wasn't invited to the New Year's Eve party?"
Overton: "Uh, that's 'cause I just thought of it, baby."

Overton: "How'd your little tête-à-tête with Max go?"
Kyle: "Enlightening. She finally found someone she could lead around on a leash."

Kyle: "I'm fine, man. It's her choice. My ties with Maxine Shaw were cut at that airport terminal."
Overton: "Wait a minute, now. What about the baby? It is half yours."
Kyle: "Overton, man, I've been gone for five months. Now I know I'm virile and all, but I doubt if even my sperm could swim across the Atlantic."

Overton: "Hey bro, can I get you, like, a real drink?"
Kyle: "Rat poison is my drink of choice at the moment."

Kyle: "Do you know the odds of Maxine picking me out of thousands of donors? Let's see. One in 655 million, man."
Overton: "You see, Shorty, that's your problem, man. You live in this cold, sterile universe of bottom lines and balance sheets. But in the real world of living human beings, the odds are...Well, looky here, it happened; you gotta deal with it."
Kyle: "How? Right at this moment, my child--a Barker--is trapped inside the body of Maxine Shaw, being nurtured by nachos and snack cakes and sides of beef. My child is gestating in a landfill."

Max: I'm pregnant.
Kyle: Pregnant. (Laughs.) With what?

Khadijah: "That's a man who'd follow you anywhere."
Synclaire: "Well, damn him! Damn him. Why does he have to be so understanding? Why can't he just say, 'We staying here, woman, so cool your jets'?"

Synclaire: "Khadijah, when I moved here from Minnesota, you were just my cousin. Now you're my dearest friend. What am I going to do if I can't drop by to soak up all of your love and understanding and constructive--most of the time--criticism? Oh, I just don't want this to be over."

Roni: "You know, I've been wanting to ask you about all these little cheese puff stashes I keep finding all over the bedroom."
Kyle: "Ah. I had a pet named Maxine."

Max: "There's Kyle, staked out in front of my apartment like some sort of street-level gargoyle. Oh, no. Duck, duck!"
Khadijah: "What?"
Max: "I thought I saw his beady little eyes looking over here."
Khadijah: "All right, Max. Look, I love you, but that's it."
(Makes snowball.)
Max: "What are you doing?!"
Khadijah: "I'm gettin' your baby daddy's attention."
(Throws snowball.)
Kyle: "Ow!"
Khadijah: "Kyle! Max is up here! She's hiding, yo! She's right here! Come here!"
Max: "What kind of a friend are you?"
Khadijah: "A friend with a nice arm."

Max: "I could hit the soft top of that convertible, roll and come up running."
Khadijah: "In your condition?"
Max: "Damn! Kid's slowing me down already."

Max: "Nobody in this brownstone can keep their trap shut. I don't know why I ever cross the street. I mean, you think in five years, I'd be able to make friends in my own building. But no! I keep coming over here for a few measly meals." (Knocks snowman's head off.) "And now...I am playing host mother to your seed! Oh. Well, I'm tired of fighting! You win. Oh God!" (Falls back onto knees.) "I surrender! I give up. No más."

Kyle: "Look Maxine, you know I'd be here, right? And you know I will do the right thing and take care of our baby and you. Maxine..." (Helps her up.) "Baby, don't you know that there has never been anyone that has affected me the way you do? I mean, you open your mouth and my skin crawls."
Max: "Hey..."
Kyle: "But in a good way." (Max smiles.) "And that smile. See, that smile has brightened many a London day for me. And now, we're about to have a baby together. And you already know how much I love you." (singing) "When I fall in love, girl, it'll be forever..." (Max embraces him.) "You know, this is either the cruelest joke the cosmos has ever played, or proof positive that we are destined to be together."
Max: "No, Kyle. We are doomed to be together. Now you shut up and kiss me."
(Kiss.)

Russell: "It'll mean nothing to us, boss lady, but how 'bout a little sweet lip?"
Khadijah: "Russell, do you want a job in the new year?"

Roni: "Whoo! I am going to call my boyfriend and wish him a happy new year and a good life."
Tripp (to Russell): "And you said that two months of begging wouldn't pay off."

Khadijah: "We've all been through a lot of changes. I mean, Synclaire and Overton are married. You two came to your senses, finally, and we all get a baby out of the deal. Scooter and I are back together. Well, not tonight, you know, but still... And even Regine got her millionaire, finally. The only thing that has not changed is the love I have for all of y'all."

Kyle: "All right, Maxine. What do you say we go back to your place? I think my boy here needs his rest."
Max: "Oh please. My girl is a night owl."
Kyle: "Another you? God would never be so cruel."

Scooter: "Girl, what are you doing?"
Khadijah: "I'm going to Rio with you!"
Scooter: "Just like that, no suitcase?"
Khadijah: "Well, if I'm gonna need clothes, maybe I shouldn't go."

Scooter: "Girl, you're changing on me. And I like it!"
Khadijah: "Well, get used to it, 'cause I ain't never looking back." (Leave. Khadijah opens door and looks around apartment.) "Well, maybe just a little bit."