Love Monkey Season 1 Episode 5

Mike: Yeah, the truth would go over really well with my wife. Hey Karen, honey, I'm gonna pass on the massage, on account of the wood.
Tom, Jake and Shooter: (simultaneously) Stop saying wood!

Mike: I can't get a massage without getting...
Tom: Relaxed.
Jake: Sleepy?
Shooter: A number.
Mike: Wood.
(all recoil)
Tom: Wood? What are you, twelve?
Mike: And then all I worry about is getting...
Tom: Relaxed.
Jake: Sleepy.
Shooter: Laid.

Abby: Nice place.
Tom: Thanks.
Abby: You use a vacuum or a shovel?
Tom: Thanks.
Abby: I'm sorry.
Tom: That's alright.
Abby: I'm sorry your place is such a mess.
Tom: You're a laugh riot, ain't ya?

Tom: You're not here to talk business?
Abby: That's right.
Tom: What are you here for?
Abby: Good food. Good wine.
Tom: Good company?
Abby: We'll see.

Tom: Everyone does it. Fifty, Green Day, Eric Clapton. They all do it.
Glenn: Eric who?
Kyle: (to Tom) Sorry. (to Glenn) Eric from the Beatles?
Glenn: Oh...

Kyle: We made our first album in our basement. Released it on the internet by ourselves. We never had to play live before. It's not our thing.
Tom: I thought you said blowing the roof off was your thing.
Kyle: Of our basement. We blew the roof off our basement.
Glenn: In Idaho.
Kyle: Yeah.

Tom: (voiceover) With the Barbarian Brothers burning bridges all over town, it was time to go with the personal approach. Make amends, grovel, genuflect, and generally pucker up.

Bran: The Barbarian brothers... I think I had sex to their last album a couple times. (long pause) Was that....
Tom: I think that might've been an...
Bran: ...an overshare?
Tom: ...overshare.