Malcolm in the Middle Season 7 Episode 15

Reese: (to Dewey) It's like you're killing my children!!!! (turns on blender mixing in junk for Dewey to drink)
Dewey: Wait!
Reese: Shut up, Dewey! That's not the end I want to be hearing from! (pours the junk in Dewey's mouth)
Dewey: (chokes and gags from the junk Reese made)

Speaker (referring to Lois): We all have an "L" in our lives. My "L" was the Vietnam War. Thankfully, though, I don't have to visit my "L" on Christmas and holidays.

Francis (looking in a mirror): You know, maybe Mom was right. I was blaming her and the alcohol for my problems when the real problem was always right in front of me... (looks at Piama's reflection)
Piama: Me?!
Francis: Yes, you. Who else could it be? Why didn't you tell me I wasn't an alcoholic?!
Piama: How am I supposed to know?! You seemed messed up to me.
Francis: You made me look like an idiot!
Piama: Well, that wasn't hard to do!
Francis: Was that an insult?!

Hal: Uh, Lois, let's not ruin Francis' special day.
Lois: Why not? Apparently, I've ruined everything else!
Hal: What's past is past.
Lois: "What's past is past"?! So, you think this is all my fault, too?!
Hal: Can we discuss this in the other room?
Lois: There is no other room!

Francis: And this is my mother.
Crash: She's real?!
Lois: Excuse me?
Crash: It's... I thought... I don't know what I thought. I'm sorry. Excuse me. (runs off)

Francis: We're also celebrating my new job. (gives Hal a laser-etched crystal)
Lois: Francis, that's wonderful! What is it?
Francis: A laser-etched crystal. It's the perfect fusion of science and art.
Hal: Wow, the detail is amazing. And you can see everything on this nude fairy.
Piama: That's me.
Hal: Oh! (nearly drops the crystal)

Malcolm: Reese, we have access to a car with no adult supervision. We can do whatever we want. And if we get caught, they'd blame Mom and Dad for being absentee parents! This is the perfect crime!Dewey: I was thinking we could drive to the arcade. Reese: Arcade? What are you, 12? Dewey: Yeah...

Lois (picks up vase): This is the one thing left in this house that I care about. I don't want to spend the next two days worrying about "How will they break it, where will they hide the pieces, how will they lie to me about it when I come home" so... (drops it on floor; vase shatters) There. Now I can relax.

Hal (about Francis): We're useless. We're like his appendix. Now he's just going to open up his stomach, remove us, and put us in a jar up on a shelf, right there in the living room... or the den, or a mantlepiece, if he's got one.