Reese: I don't know why we're doing this. I have a much faster way to do this.
Malcolm: We're not cutting him open, Reese.
Reese: (to Dewey) It's like you're killing my children!!!! (turns on blender mixing in junk for Dewey to drink)
Reese: Shut up, Dewey! That's not the end I want to be hearing from! (pours the junk in Dewey's mouth)
Dewey: (chokes and gags from the junk Reese made)
Speaker (referring to Lois): We all have an "L" in our lives. My "L" was the Vietnam War. Thankfully, though, I don't have to visit my "L" on Christmas and holidays.
Francis (looking in a mirror): You know, maybe Mom was right. I was blaming her and the alcohol for my problems when the real problem was always right in front of me... (looks at Piama's reflection)
Francis: Yes, you. Who else could it be? Why didn't you tell me I wasn't an alcoholic?!
Piama: How am I supposed to know?! You seemed messed up to me.
Francis: You made me look like an idiot!
Piama: Well, that wasn't hard to do!
Francis: Was that an insult?!
Hal: Uh, Lois, let's not ruin Francis' special day.
Lois: Why not? Apparently, I've ruined everything else!
Hal: What's past is past.
Lois: "What's past is past"?! So, you think this is all my fault, too?!
Hal: Can we discuss this in the other room?
Lois: There is no other room!
Francis: And this is my mother.
Crash: She's real?!
Lois: Excuse me?
Crash: It's... I thought... I don't know what I thought. I'm sorry. Excuse me. (runs off)
Francis: We're also celebrating my new job. (gives Hal a laser-etched crystal)
Lois: Francis, that's wonderful! What is it?
Francis: A laser-etched crystal. It's the perfect fusion of science and art.
Hal: Wow, the detail is amazing. And you can see everything on this nude fairy.
Piama: That's me.
Hal: Oh! (nearly drops the crystal)
Malcolm: Reese, we have access to a car with no adult supervision. We can do whatever we want. And if we get caught, they'd blame Mom and Dad for being absentee parents! This is the perfect crime!Dewey: I was thinking we could drive to the arcade. Reese: Arcade? What are you, 12? Dewey: Yeah...
Lois (picks up vase): This is the one thing left in this house that I care about. I don't want to spend the next two days worrying about "How will they break it, where will they hide the pieces, how will they lie to me about it when I come home" so... (drops it on floor; vase shatters) There. Now I can relax.
Hal (about Francis): We're useless. We're like his appendix. Now he's just going to open up his stomach, remove us, and put us in a jar up on a shelf, right there in the living room... or the den, or a mantlepiece, if he's got one.
Lois: Come on, Hal! We're going to be late.
Hal: Fine, but I don't see what the big deal is. So what if he stopped drinking for a year? I thought that's what you're supposed to do in A.A.
Lois: Francis' one year anniversary of sobriety is very important to him.
Hal: Sounds to me like it was just dreamed up by the greeting card companies.
It appears that Lois has given up on having anyone watch the boys while they are away from the house, even though 4 episodes ago she had someone (Grandma Ida) watch them.
Cold Open: Reese finds new ways to poke Dewey, no matter how far away Lois puts him.
User Score: 887
User Score: 306
User Score: 777
User Score: 767
User Score: 649
User Score: 247
User Score: 227
User Score: 195
User Score: 165
User Score: 118
User Score: 109
User Score: 72
User Score: 65
User Score: 64
User Score: 52
User Score: 41
User Score: 40
User Score: 32
User Score: 31
User Score: 24