Malcolm in the Middle Season 7 Episode 11

Ida: Two boys enter, one man emerges. (Points to Reese) You must beat him at every contest, or there will be no bride for you.
Reese: I really appreciate you doing this for me.
Malcolm: Listen, moron, I'm not doing this to help you get married. I'm gonna try to win to keep you from flushing your life down the toilet.

Raduca: (to Reese) I will marry you.
Ida: I forbid you to do this!
Raduca: You cannot forbid me! I am American girl now. I have iPod, I wear thong, I shave! (lifts arm)
Ida: Hide your shame, whore!

Ida: (to Reese) You're not a man. The most you can ever hope to be now is a very butch woman!

Female Security Agent: Ma'am, I need to touch your breasts.
Lois: You need to touch my what?!
Security Agent: I'm required to probe with the back of my hand. If you like, you can request up to 2 female witnesses. (Putting on rubber gloves)
Lois: Let me understand this. Because I made a comment about first class, I am being singled out for a public feel-up?
Dewey: (Yelling) Oh, for God's sake, Mom, just let her touch your boobs!!!
Male Agent: The kid makes a lot of sense, ma'am. Now do you want to do this the easy way or the hard way? (More security agents surround her as she becomes enraged)

(Several minutes later, they wait for another flight)
Hal: OK, the tickets are changed. The next flight leaves in 15 hours.
Dewey: So I get no time to practice and no sleep tonight!
(Lois makes an embarrassing smile)

Ida: You will take Raduca for your bride.
Reese: You mean, like, I marry her? Now?
Ida: That is why I brought Raduca to this country.
Malcolm: You brought her here six months ago. She's been working as your slave.
Ida: I should get something for my troubles.

Malcolm: Grandma, this is not only moronic, it's impossible. For one thing, there is no village full of boys for Reese to fight.
Ida: No, we will have to make do. The closest thing we have to a boy is you.

Ida: In our country, after a boy turns 16, he becomes a "barochi." We watch this boy for one year. Then, when he is ready, he is plucked from his mother's teat and thrown into the town square, where he must battle with the other boys for dominance.
Malcolm: Wait, up until this point, they're still breast feeding?
Ida: It keeps families close.

Ida: Reese, I've watched you grow all these years. You are the one hope for this family. I just pray you are ready to become a man. (slaps him)
Reese: Ow! Hey, what was that for?
Ida: You are ready.

Reese: What's Grandma doing here?!
Malcolm: You never said Grandma was coming!
Lois: Oh, I didn't? Ah, well, then, it's just a nice surprise for you boys. Remember last month when you came in after curfew and you said, "What are you going to do about it?" Sorry it took me so long to get back to you.