Malcolm in the Middle

Season 3 Episode 16

Hal Coaches

Aired Sunday 8:30 PM Mar 10, 2002 on FOX
out of 10
User Rating
53 votes

By Users

Episode Summary

Hal Coaches
Hal decides to make himself Dewey's new soccer coach, but that brings trouble in the end. Meanwhile, Malcolm is addicted to a virtual computer game, but unfortunately his character is the only one who seems to be doing badly. Reese blackmails a married neighbor, after learning that the man is sleeping with other women in the neighborhood. Francis and Piama fight when Lavernia starts treating Francis nicely because of something Piama does.moreless

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  • I want to play

    I want to play the game malcom in the middle of simulating the life of his family
  • I liked it a lot!

    Lavernia is suddenly nice to Francis, so he questions Piama. Hal decides to coach for Dewey's soccer team. They are losing, so he motivates them by saying that the other teams are evil and they need to defeat them. It goes wrong when the kids hurt the opposing team. Malcolm gets a computer from his neighbor. He, Reese, and Stevie discover that their neighbor has been sleeping with other women. Reese uses that to blackmail his neighbor, Ed. Ed turns it on him when he meets with Reese's guidance conselor in place of Hal. Malcolm is addicted to an on-line game.

    This episode was pretty good! I can't believe what Ed was doing! This episode gets a 9.5!moreless
  • Not that funny!

    Hal begins to coach Dewey's team after he realizes that he needs some treasure memories with Dewey to remember, and also when he sees that Dewey is about to quit the game, but later Hal begins to trick the kids into doing something totally different of what he expected. Meanwhile, Malcolm tries to beat a computer game, and that makes Stewie to worried for him, but according to Malcolm is just nothing, and Reese begins blackmailing a neighbor of his when he catches him sleeping with another woman. Is really cool!moreless
Paul Willson

Paul Willson


Guest Star

Gloria LeRoy

Gloria LeRoy


Guest Star

Michael Bailey Smith

Michael Bailey Smith


Guest Star

Craig Lamar Traylor

Craig Lamar Traylor

Stevie Kenarben

Recurring Role

Sandy Ward

Sandy Ward


Recurring Role

John Ennis

John Ennis


Recurring Role

Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


  • TRIVIA (4)

  • QUOTES (8)

    • Stevie: Too bad it doesn't go higher.
      Malcolm: I have social skills, jackass.

    • Reese: Look, Ed, school gets out at 3:00. It is 2:15. I've been waiting for over an hour.

    • (Reese is in Ed's van, waiting for him to return from the meeting with his guidance counselor. Finally, Ed returns.)
      Reese: So, "Dad", you gonna ground me?
      Ed: Geez, your counselor was furious.
      Reese: Alright... now that that's done, why don't we just go home, I could jump in your jacuzzi, and you could throw something on the barbecue for me?
      Ed: I have a better idea... why don't we just go home, I could jump in MY jacuzzi, and you could throw something on the barbecue for ME!
      Reese: What are you talking about?
      Ed: Well, let's just say that with the information your counselor just gave me, I could call your mom, and you won't see daylight for years!
      Reese: Oh, yeah?! Well, I'll tell your secret to your wife!
      Ed: Well, I guess the question is, am I more afraid of my wife... or are you more afraid of your mother?
      (Later, we see Reese rubbing suntan lotion on Ed's back)

    • Hal: Who are we going to beat?
      Team: The Black Hawks!
      Hal: And what are they?
      Team: EVIILL!!!!

    • Malcolm (to computer Malcolm, a 500lb dirty man): Kill them... no don't make a sandwich! Kill, kill... no, don't kill yourself! Don't kill! Don't kill... ah you stupid fat bastard!!
      (cut to shot of a forklift carrying the giant sim into a grave. Malcolm opens up the window, but instead of throwing it (computer) out the window, he dumps it on the floor)
      Malcolm (to Stevie): That had nothing to do with the game!

    • Hal: You can't quit just because you lose a couple of games.
      Dewey: The coach quit.
      Hal: No. He had an emotional breakdown, that's completely different.

    • Dewey: Eat chalk, evil doer!

    • Hal: Dewey, you are not quitting the team. I am going to coach you and we are going to create treasured father son memories whether you want or not.

  • NOTES (3)

    • Cold Open: Lois pretends to yell at Dewey to keep Malcolm and Reese in their room. This is the only time Lois appears in this episode.

    • When Malcolm and Reese slide the peanut butter back and forth to each other, they put a spin on the jar so that you can't see the label. This is likely an attempt to prevent unnecessary advertising.

    • TV Guide for the week of March 16-22 reports that this season will be short one episode due to Jane Kaczmarek's migraine headaches (or demands for a higher salary) that has prevented her from coming to work. So for the season finale in May, stock footage will be used for her scenes.


    • The game Malcolm gets obsessed with, "The Virts", is very similar to "The Sims". A game where you can create a virtual world.