Malcolm in the Middle

Season 3 Episode 1

Houseboat (1)

Aired Sunday 8:30 PM Nov 11, 2001 on FOX



  • Trivia

    • Arjay Smith (Cadet Finley) is credited in this episode, however he does not actually appear. The only explanation is that he was one of the cadets in the background while Francis was on the phone to Lois. Other than that, there were no other scenes that warrant him being credited.

    • Continuity Error: Shortly before Malcolm catches the fish, as he is talking to Hal, a powerboat passes from left to right in the distance behind Hal. There is a quick camera shot back to Malcolm for a line, and when the camera returns to Hal, the same boat is closer and heading from right to left.

    • This is the episode where Francis quits military school. He also gets legally emancipated from his parents.

  • Quotes

    • Stevie: (Malcolm, Reese, and Stevie see a boat full of girls in bikinis approaching) Do... you...
      Reese: I see it, too.
      Tracey: (The boat stops in front of them) Hey boys, what are you doing?
      Reese: I don't know. What are you doing?
      Malcolm: Where'd you get the boat?
      Tammy: We stole it from our spirit camp. We're going to get cigarettes.
      Reese: Spirit camp? So you girls are... are...
      Malcolm: Cheerleaders.
      Stevie: Bad... cheerleaders.
      Tracey: Yeah. We haven't seen any boys in, like, six weeks. Even you guys are starting to look good. (Tammy unhooks Tracey's top from behind her. The top starts falling, but Tracey catches it.) Tammy! (They both laugh before the boat starts up.)
      Malcolm: Wait! Where are you girls going?
      Tracey: (Still holding her top to her chest) Follow us and find out. (The boat leaves.)
      Stevie: Get... the boat!

    • (Tracey surfaces)
      Tracey: Hi, Malcolm. Me and my naked friends got tired of waiting for you. You don't want that jerk Reese to have all of the fun, do you? (Malcolm gasps) Hal: What happened?

    • Lois: Francis, you are going to stay in school until you graduate and that is all there is to it. And if you flunk out, then that's another year you're stuck there!

      Francis: You just can't stand the fact that I'll be making more money than you! (hangs up the pay phone, then the phone breaks from the wall hitting Francis in the foot; he screams and hits the trophy case; nearly everything breaks; Francis touches his chest) Whoa, that was close. (the leg of the case breaks loose and the whole case crashes on Francis)

    • Malcolm: Three weeks of slave labor, my relationship with Dad will never be the same... (smiles) and I can't stop smiling!

    • Reese: Can I see that spare gun?
      Store Clerk: Sure.

    • Malcolm: What are you smiling about?
      Reese: These potatoes are heavenly.

    • Lois: (to Dewey) You're gonna let go and you're coming to dinner!!! (begins throwing rocks towards Dewey)

    • Hal: There's your TV.
      Reese: I don't see a TV.

    • (Malcolm hears girls screaming and giggling, then sees bikinis floating in the water, he picks one up and looks at it)
      Hal: (picks up a pair of shorts) Huh, is this your brother's shorts?
      (Malcolm gets shocked and starts the speedboat and sees Hal holding on to the boat as it goes, he slows down and stops the boat)
      Hal: (hanging onto the boat) Why?
      (Malcolm kicks Hal off and takes off)
      Malcolm: (to the camera) I can't believe it either!

    • Malcolm: (passes Dewey while driving the speed boat) Hi, Dewey!
      (Dewey waves as he is upset and sunburned)

    • Dewey: Just leave. Don't insult me.

    • Reese: Imagine 100 fat guys falling down stairs, knocking over old ladies, multiply that by ten and you're not even close!

    • Stevie: Remember to call me Snoop.

    • Reese: Too bad you can't come with us.
      Malcolm: Too bad we're taking the boat.

    • Lois: (about Francis) He got legally emancipated.

    • Hal: Now don't tell me this doesn't do something. (slaps a woman's butt and looks up) Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. My wife has the same exact shape...
      (woman looks down on Hal's trunks and leaves, Hal is shocked)

    • Lois (yelling at Malcolm): Do you realize how close your father came to being a registered SEX O-FFEN-DER? A registered sex offender! And for what?! For some trampy girl?! For...

      Malcolm: Mom, please, I feel terrible! I completely understand what I did! I sold out my own father for a girl! It's like the worst thing I've ever done! We both agree I'm a terrible person!

      Lois: ...For some girl you don't even know! Who wouldn't give you the time of day! That's the gratitude you showed your father!

      Reese: Hey, maybe I'm the good one after all. (hands Lois some tea) Here, Mom, for your throat. I put a little honey in it.


    • Malcolm: You know the other day at the store when I pretended not to know you?
      Hal: Yeah. That was a new low.

    • Reese: Here's proof that I went to that all-girls camp.I have this thong right here.
      Malcolm: That's probably just Mom's.
      Reese: If it were Mom's, would I do this? (puts nose into thong and inhales through nose)

  • Notes

  • Allusions

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