Lois: Your daughter is gnawing on my son!
Reese: Relax. Everyone will think Josh is a thief. His parents will be tied up in court, and Emily will be thrown into a foster home. Where she'll bite her foster parents, who will leave her at the side of the road, and she can spend the rest of her life biting hillbillies on the interstate.
Malcolm: Yeah, and that kid, Josh, told everyone I was born with both sex organs and raised as a girl until I was five.
Dewey: Late at night when you're sleeping, that's when Malcolm comes a peepin'! You better watch out, you better beware or Malcolm'll see your underwear!
Malcolm: Where did you learn that?
Dewey: At school. 1, 2, 3, 4! Malcolm's at your bedroom door!
Dewey: The gnome wants to eat me. It's evil.
Malcolm: Reese, she's 4, you're bigger and smarter than... well, you're bigger.
Lois: What are you looking at?
Hal: Reese's report card, it is much better than last time.
Hal: Yeah, this time he used the exact same brand pen as the teacher to change his grade.
Lois: Look at that, he gave himself a C in math instead of A+.
Hal: Yeah, it's subtle, nice attention to detail. He's really learning. Two months grounded?
Lois: Three months, scrubbing toilets.
Hal: It wouldn't hurt to have allies on the block. Especially allies with a pool.
Spangler: I'm a worm. I deserve to be on the floor with all the other worms.
(falls to the ground)
Francis: Sir, will you please stop wriggling!
"We Are Monkeys" by Travis
"Indian Reservation" by Paul Revere & The Raiders
Mike's 1290 Turntable
"Start the Motor" by Extreme Music Library
The Property Line
Cold Open: Lois and Hal are reading Reese's report card, commenting on how he's doing much better... at trying to hide the fact he changed the grades.
This episode includes an early performance by Dakota Fanning of "I Am Sam," "Cat in the Hat" and "War of the Worlds" fame.
Francis and the Cadets perform Sammy Davis Jr.'s Classic "Candyman" for their visiting guest. This is also the song sung in the 1971 "Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory" by the Candystore owner (Aubrey Woods)