Malcolm in the Middle Season 6 Episode 4

Jessica: And it never even occurred to you to wonder why Reese is so angry all the time? Why he acts like such a jerk?
Malcolm: Because he's a jerk.
Jessica: Oh, that's right, just because he's your brother doesn't mean you should put anything thought into it. He couldn't possibly be dealing with anything weird and confusing. He couldn't possibly be afraid to admit that he wanted to go see a musical because you'd make fun of him.
Malcolm: Of course, I'd make fun of him. What kind of guy wants to see a Broadway musical?
Jessica: Yes, Malcolm. What kind of a guy does want to go see a Broadway musical?
Malcolm: Come on.
Jessica: Maybe you're not being selfish. Maybe you're just too scared where it leads if you think about how much he fusses over his hair and his body and his Gourmet cooking. Some people don't want to see what's right in front of their faces.
(Jessica glances over to a pile of weightlifting magazines on Reese's bed)
Malcolm: (nervously) Nuh-uh.

Lois: I know how much you boys have sacrificed, kicking in your paychecks and working extra shifts, and, well, we thought you guys deserved a reward.
Reese: Really?!
Lois: Your dad and I are taking the whole family, and Jessica, to see...
(Lois holds up theater tickets)
... a musical!
Reese: A what?
Lois: A musical. From Broadway. It's called Mama Mia! They take all those old ABBA songs, like "Dancing Queen" and "Fernando," and stick some story in between.
Malcolm: Oh, my God, you're serious.

Lois: Jessica, your pasta recipe is terrific. Look at us, eating healthy for once. Reese, you want some more?
Reese: No! She took over the TV, now she's taking over dinner. This isn't even food.
Jessica: Reese, it's just low-fat.
Reese: And if you knew anything at all about food, you'd know that fats and oils are the vehicles by which flavor travels. Fat is what makes things taste good. That's why a wise and loving God created fat in the first place.

Malcolm: Okay, you know what? This is stupid. We have to talk about this.
Reese: Right. I mean, just because it's weird, doesn't mean we can't handle it. We're brothers.
Malcolm: Right. We've been through everything together. We shouldn't be pussyfooting around about it. I got you something.
Reese: Hey, I got you something.
Malcolm: Really? See this is what I'm talking about. We're being open and supportive and honest with each other. Here.
(Malcolm hands Reese a pamphlet and Reese hands Malcolm a videotape)
Reese: What's this?
Malcolm: It's called, "If You're Gay, It's Okay." It's full of great resources. What's this?
Reese: "Naughty Pool Boys III." I watched 10 or 12 of these, and this one seems to have the most stuff you guys like.
Malcolm: Wait. I'm not gay, you're gay.
Reese: No, I'm not. You are.
Malcolm: I'm not gay.
Reese: Malcolm, check out what they're doing in that movie and then tell me you're not gay.

Lois: You know how last year with the conspiracy trial and your father and me losing our jobs and we ended up $20,000 in debt, well after 6 months of scrimmaging and saving and going up to $28,000 in debt, we are now down to $26,000 in debt.
Hal: Look out world, we're back!