This the 2nd or 3rd time that Craig has mentioned his love for Lois, and she has finally told him up straight and personally that she doesn't love him.
Hal (to Dewey): Now, this last bat is tricky, son. You see, if he lands in our hair, he'll bite, get tangled, and keep biting. But if he lands in your hair, he'll just bite once. So, I want you to go in and lure him out. Okay?
Dewey (scared): Okay.
(Dewey makes his way in and pokes the bat with the pole; through the bat's vision we see Dewey's mouth open up then the scream comes out, and as the bat flies towards him, Dewey runs out of the room; as it gets to the doorway lots of white lines literally fill its vision up within 2 seconds; back in the family's viewpoint we see Malcolm, Reese, and Hal emptying three FULL cans of silly string on it)
Everyone: YEAH!! ALL RIGHT!!
Hal: Well, I don't know about you, but I sure feel great.
(the whole house is a wreck; Hal sighs)
Hal: Okay, somebody go get the broom and dust pan.
(Lois gets up and leaves; Craig is shocked)
Robber #1: Whoa, chubs, you got busted.
(Craig rises; Robber #1 is afraid, gets back, and goes to his partner; the two look at him)
Craig: You want this?! You want this safe?! You want this stupid-stupid-stupid safe?! (he lifts it up; the robbers are shocked) Here's your stupid safe!!!!
(the robbers get out of the way and the safe hits the floor and breaks open)
Robber #1: Cool.
(Robber #2 grabs the pack of money and the two take off)
Lois: Do you see the big buck knife that guy has? Do you want to antagonize him? Do you really want to feel that knife cutting through your flesh...
(Craig starts passing out again)
Lois: Craig, stay with me here. Damn.
Lois: Can we hurry this along?
Robber #1: Yeah, if someone would give us the combination.
Lois: Well, I can't, but the assistant manager can.
Robber #1: Great, what's the combo?
Lois & Robber #1: What?
Craig: You can't have it.
Lois: Craig, yes, they can.
Robber #2 (pushes Robber #1 aside): Watch out, I'll get it. (takes gun out) WHAT'S THE COMBO?!?!?!
(Craig passes out)
Craig: Trust me, anything you say won't hurt me.
Robber: Yeah, how about you give us all the money and every other cash register?
Craig: Oh, my God, a gun!
Lois: Craig, don't panic. We just give them the money from every cash register and they leave.
Craig: What about the safe?
Robber: What safe?
Craig: -ty, safe-ty of the customers.
Hal: So, Dewey, how was school today?
Dewey: Mikey Duffy pushed me down today.
Hal: Well, did you push him back?
Dewey: No, he's bigger than me.
Hal: Uh-huh... Reese?
Reese: I'm on it.
Hal: Don't worry, they're just flying rats with radar. Say it with me...
Hal & Boys: Just flying rats with radar. Just flying rats with... Ahhhhhhhh!!
Reese: Does anyone want my baked potato? It's kind of burnt.
Hal: Reese, we didn't have any baked potatoes.
(Reese looks down and sees a bat on his plate)
Everyone (screams): Aggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!
Hal: Well, that's just crazy. Why would someone fill this thing with hundreds of hanging black bowties?
Malcolm: Those aren't bowties. Those are bats!
(All the bats come flying out of the armoire, causing Hal and the boys to panic.)
Robber (cheery): How are you?
Robber (smiles): Good. (screams) NOW TELL US THE DAMN COMBINATION.
Lois: Craig that button's been disconnected for a year now.
Craig: What?!?! Why?
Lois: Because you kept pressing the damn thing.
Craig: In an emergency, that's what it's for.
Lois: Oh, like the time you saw a bee. Or the time you mistakened a big buzzy fly as a bee. What about the time you thought you saw a ghost?
Lois: I am going to have to destroy what ever made you say that. But believe me, its for your own good. #1 no to anything your thinking, no to the buts, no to your what if's, no, no, NO, NO!!!! #2. (she grabs Craig's arm and twists it)
Craig (cries): Owwwwwww.
Lois: Remember that pain. Whenever something else creep's in your head other than the friendly hello I give you in the morning, you remember that pain.
"Proud to be an American" by Lee Greenwood
At the strip club
"Frankenstein" by Edgar Winter Group
Getting rid of the bats
"The Most Beautiful Girl" by Charlie Rich
Song that Craig sings
Cold Open: Hal watches Mexican soap operas all night long, and then goes to work the next morning.
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