Malcolm in the Middle

Season 1 Episode 4


Aired Sunday 8:30 PM Feb 06, 2000 on FOX



  • Trivia

  • Quotes

    • (After Malcolm beats up Kevin, he finds out the shocking truth about Kevin in the nurse's office...)
      Malcolm: What do you mean he's only seven?!
      Nurse: What's not to understand? He just turned seven. I guess you were too busy beating people to notice!
      Malcolm: He CAN'T be seven. He's bigger than I am!
      Nurse: He's in second grade! (cleaning up Kevin) Look at all this blood...
      Malcolm: That's not blood, it's pizza sauce! Well that's blood, but...
      (Caroline Miller enters the nurse's office...)
      Caroline: Oh my God... OH MY GOD! What happened?
      Kevin: (bawling) I want my Teletubby!
      Malcolm: A doll?! You can't play with dolls if you're seven... WHY ARE YOU SEVEN?!
      Caroline: You beat up a seven-year-old?
      Malcolm: I didn't know!
      Caroline: Malcolm, I don't blame you. I put this squarely where it belongs... (close to tears) On me!
      Malcolm: (to camera) Oh, man. This is the most horrible thing I've ever done! (to Kevin) Kevin, I'm sorry!
      Nurse: I think you've done quite enough.
      Kevin: This is the worst birthday ever!

    • (Malcolm has just beaten up a seven-year-old)
      Malcolm: I did something horrible. Don't you even care?
      Hal: Well, it's nothing to be proud of son, but you told us the whole story and he didn't give you much choice. It was a honest beating mistake.
      Reese: Besides it sends a good message to our enemies.
      Malcolm: What are you talking about? What enemies?
      Reese: Oh, they're out there. And once they know we're capable of this they'll know were capable of anything.

    • Stevie: What is that?
      Malcolm: I don't know. All I can identify are pieces of carrot, and, I don't know, I think they're Skittles.

    • Dewey: I hate my brothers. I only like me!

    • (The boys conclude their funeral for their pet frog by shooting it up on a firework rocket, which can be heard exploding off-screen.)
      Reese: May he rest in pieces.
      All Boys: Amen.

    • Ed: Now we can see your house!
      Lois: Well, let me tell you something, Ed. As far as I'm concerned, you and the neighbors should all just... (starts acting like a monkey)
      Hal: That goes double for me. I want you all off our property, or I'll... (acts like a monkey, too, as well as Dewey and Reese)
      Malcolm: How could they act like this? (scratches armpit then quits and realized what he just did)

    • Malcolm: I can't stop thinking about what I did to Kevin. I feel like crap, and no one understands. Even you. You're supposed to be my friend and you don't even care.
      Stevie: And yet... you keep... talking.

    • Hal: What's going on here?
      Ed: You've caused a blight by cutting down that tree.
      Hal: How is cutting down a tree a blight?
      Ed: Because now we can see your house.

    • Commandant Spangler: I think you'll enjoy my sexual awareness lecture next week. It's been called riveting.
      Cadet Adam: It sure worked wonders for me, sir. The only woman I can think of without vomiting is my own mother.
      Commandant Spangler: As it should be, son, as it should be.

  • Notes

    • Featured Music:
      "Monster" by They Might Be Giants

    • Bryan Cranston and Daniel Von Bargen also appeared together in the episode "The Strike" of Seinfeld.

    • Cold Open: The boys hold a sermon for their dead pet frog and at the end it is showed to be tied to a small rocket. Malcolm puts the rocket in the ground next to Hal, who apparently has been sitting next to them all along reading a paper. Hal lights the rocket with a lighter and it takes off.

    • This episode marks the first appearance of Commandant Spangler (Daniel Von Bargen).

  • Allusions