Malcolm in the Middle

Victor: Because of what just happened, you want us to loan you $3,000? Hal: Please. I know you're uncomfortable loaning to family, so let me be clear. With one phone call, I could have your asses thrown in jail for child endangerment. So, this money I'm asking for is not a loan. It's blackmail. Ida: He's like your cousin Vaslefdt all over again.

Reese: If the future's gonna be half as bad as Grandpa and I suspect, the only survivors are gonna be mutants, coackroaches, and me. All living underwater.

Malcolm: What's going on? Reese: Grandpa gave me a live grenade. It's really cool. You wanna hold it?! Victor: No, no, no! It's for you, not him. Malcolm: Oh my God! We have to call the police! Victor: No! No police! No police, please! There's no reason to panic. Malcolm: Yes there is! You gave Reese a live grenade and he's a total idiot! Reese: He's right. I am. I don't think I should have it anymore. Here!

(Malcolm, Reese, & Dewey are eating pancakes made by Dad; they pull out hair from their mouths) Malcolm: Great pancakes, Dad! Hal (making pancakes and scratching his back with the spatula): Oh, thanks, guys. Who's ready for some more? Dewey (chokes after pulling some hair out of his mouth; smiles): I am!

Victor: No, this is live grenade. Do not let go of the handle, or we will die! Reese: I don't want to die! Victor: Don't worry, we must find the key and put the key back in, and everything would be fine. (key breaks; the two of them are shocked)

Victor: No! No police. There's no need to panic. Malcolm: Yes, there is! You gave Reese a grenade and he's a total idiot. Reese: He's right, I am. I don't think I should have this anymore. Here. (tries to hand Victor the grenade) Victor: No! Reese: Look, I'm tired of this game. All I really want to do is go lie down.

Lois: WHAT HAPPENED HERE!!! Victor: We can't be sure. Reese: Grandpa gave me a grenade and it was going to go off. But Malcolm threw it in the fridge.

Victor: Hello!! (explosion in the house) Hal (shocked): What was that? Victor: What was what? (runs off)

Ida: What are you going to do when they come after you and throw you in the back of the truck? Are you going to read to them? Are you going to impress them with your giant know-it-all brain?

(knock on the window) Victor: Are you gonna keep us out here all day! Lois: Mom! Dad! Hal (rushing from the TV room): Oh, my God! Honey! Your parents are here! (tries to duck and cover and tell everyone else to do the same, but it's too late; Hal waves hi to the grandparents)

Hal: We need a fridge. We can't store the meat on the porch forever.

Malcolm: You know what, Grandma, I am smart, but I don't care what you think. Because that way I am going to triumph in life, and I don't think I need advices from you, so, thanks! (turns himself and hits a post, then looks at Grandma, and walks away)