Mama: You two can't have a baby! There is no room in this house!
Naomi: There's always room for a baby in a house full of love.
Mama: What the hell's that got to do with us?!
*Iola is mad about the quilt that has shrunk*
Mama: We'll call it "A Country Quilt For Barbie."
Iola: Are you crazy? Barbie wouldn't be caught dead with a quilt. That pumped out tramp sleeps on satin sheets with a different doll every night of the week!
Naomi: I don't have a home of my own. I have no room of my own. Well, I got nothing in this life that's mine and mine alone.
Mama: Have you tried thinking of your side of the bed as yours alone?
*Naomi says her and Vint have work to do – making a baby*
Mama: Don't you even think about working with her. You gotta talk some sense into that woman.
Vint: Oh, Mama, what do I say?
Mama: Well, you're the man of the family. Lay the law down! Tell her I won't allow it!
*Mama is holding baby Garth in her arms*
Bubba: Hey, what are you doing? Babysitting?
Mama: No, I'm having an affair with a midget.
Mama: Good Lord Garth! I was having the worst nightmare. I dreamt Naomi was taking fertility drugs and came home with sextuplets. That was the first time in my life I ever turned down a six pack.
Mama: It just got a little bit of dampness from the baby.
Iola: Dampness? What kind on dampness?!
Mama: Well it wasn't Mountain Dew.
Mama: Lord Iola, until today I didn't know what a blessing the change of life was.
*Mama tells Bubba to hold baby Garth*
Bubba: Me?! But he's crying.
Mama: Well, you just remember that awful sound the next time you get the urge to climb in the backseat of a car.
*Mama and Iola brought home Rosemary Peter's baby, Garth*
Vint: Well, what's all this?
Mama: It's a new vacuum cleaner Vinton.
*Vint starts examining the bassinette, and Mama hits him*
Mama: It's a baby, you jack-ass!
Mama: Vinton can't change diapers. He's only just learned to dress himself.
Vint: Hey, why don't we compromise? We'll call him Gillette.
*Vint and Naomi are fighting over a baby name*
Vint: If it's a boy, he'll be Vint. If it's a girl: Vintina.
*Iola tells Mama she'll make her breakfast when Naomi and Vint get up*
Mama: Well, who knows when they'll get up. It's their day off!
Iola: I imagine they'll be sleeping in, if Naomi has her say.
*Bubba says he has a problem*
Iola: Bubba, I am sure whatever it is can wait till after a nice hot stack of flapjacks.
Bubba: Mm. Hey, that sounds great.
Mama: Sure does. *gets up from her Singer*
Iola: Sit back down there and sew!
*Naomi announces she's put the shower massage on pulsate, and Vint rushes down to her*
Mama: Buster, you better be wearing a shower cap!
Naomi: She had a little girl.
Iola: Oh, how much did she weigh?
Naomi: Nine pounds, ten ounces.
Mama: Good Lord, that's no baby. That's a line backer.
Vint: Boy Skeeter, I had the best time with you tonight. *kisses Naomi*
Iola: You just never tire of that putt-putt do you?
Mama: Whoever heard of a team having a weasel for a mascot?
Bubba: Well, it's only a junior college.
*Iola is telling Mama how to sew the quilt*
Iola: No, ease up on the peddle.
Mama: Oh Iola, for pity sake, I'm sewing a quilt, not crash landing an air plane. Now back off!
*Vint, Naomi, Iola and Mama talking about babies and how cute they are*
Vint: Oh, I dunno, all them little babies look the same to me. Sometimes I wonder if they don't mix 'em, give 'em to the wrong parents. *pokes himself with Mama's sewing needle* Ohhhhhhh!
Mama: I've wondered that myself.
This episode contains what is most likely the longest single laugh in the show's history. At one point, Vint returns from the basement, wearing a shower cap. This is, of course, Vint misinterpreting Mama's previous advice that he'd better be wearing a "shower cap." This is after Naomi calls for him to join her in the shower after expressing her desire to have a baby. Fill in the blanks.