Bubba: That's our Grand Canyon money!
Thelma: Well what's the difference? They're both holes in the ground. I can either spend 3 days looking at the big one or eternity in the smaller one.
Mama: Naomi, see that this obituary gets printed in the paper verbatim.
Naomi: Okay. Except Mrs. Harper, you don't wear a size four dress.
Mama: Just shut up and print it!
Bubba: What are you doin' up there anyhow?
Mama: I'm thinkin' of becoming a go-go dancer.
*starts dancing on the coffee table she's standing on*
Vint: I think you're gonna hafta make that dress a lot shorter.
Naomi: Funerals are very depressing.
Mama: Well of course they're depressing. What do you expect with a dead body in the room, a hoe down?!
Vint: Mama will bowl like a pro. She's always real up after a family funeral.
Bubba: Why is that?
Vint: Because they're dead and she's not.
*Mama is at her own funeral*
Mama: Well, my family. They're all devastated. Well, this is wonderful!
Mama: I'm gonna have the perfect funeral if it kills me!
Vint: Mama, it's twelve thirty five.
Mama: You like my new coo-coo clock?
Naomi: Couldn't we bowl while be grieve?
Bubba: We could dedicate the first frame to Cousin Tuti!
Mama: It's Cousin Ludie! Tuti was on The Facts of Life!
Naomi: Iola can take your place.
Iola: I can?
Naomi: Certainly! Any fool can throw a ball down the middle of an alley. You're perfect!
Iola: What the hay!
Naomi: Nothing is cheaper than bowling.
Mama: Oh yeah? You taken a look in the mirror lately?
The reports of Dorothy Van's passing may have been greatly exaggerated, as the quote goes. Other sources say she lived up until 2002, dying from Parkinson's Disease.
This is Dorothy Van's final appearance as Aunt Effie, sadly she committed suicide in 1995.