Mama's Family Season 5 Episode 5

*Vint is reading the features of the watch*
Vint: It's even got a smoke detector.
Mama: It's so important to know when your arm is on fire.

Mama: What the hell do you call your kids anyway, Grandma and Grandpa?!

*Mama gives Iola her imitation satin sheet set*
Naomi: Oh Mrs. Harper. I'm speechless.
Mama: Good. Let's keep it that way.

Iola: Thelma, what are you doing?
Mama: Well Iola, my only son just paid a small fortune on a gift for me. I'm doing what any grateful mother would do. I'm taking it back.

Mama: From now on I'm not giving my family anything but hell!

Mama: I thought it was a birthday present for me.
Mr. Carstairs: He wouldn't spend that kind of money on you.
Mama: I know!

Mama: You mean you didn't buy that bracelet for me?
Vint: Mama, I wouldn't spend that kind of money on you.

Mama: Well, I read the card. It said, 'To my darling mother."
Vint: You're not my darling mother! Mrs. Carstairs is!
Mama: You bought a bracelet for Mr. Carstairs' mother?
Vint: Not for his mother, his wife!
Naomi: You bought jewelry for another man's wife?!

Mama: Is there anybody I forgot? *Vinton raises his hand and moves a bit* Well Vinton, ya gotta go potty?

Mama: Well, nothing pleases me more than bringing joy and happiness to my beloved family. Bubba, get your butt downstairs!

*Vint's boss tells him he has a problem*
Mr. Carstairs: As you probably know, today's my wedding anniversary. Mother and I have been married for 35 years.
Vint: Is that the problem?

Vint: I tell ya, there is nothing like a gift ya made yourself to get Mama all teary eyed.
Bubba: Yeah. Well, if this doesn't make her cry, nothing will.

*Vint is showing Bubba the cocktail belt he made for Mama*
Vint: It's even got her initials on the buckle.
Bubba: M.H?
Vint: Mama Harper.