Married... With Children

Season 3 Episode 14

A Three Job, No Income Family

Aired Sunday 8:00 PM Mar 19, 1989 on FOX



  • Trivia

  • Quotes

    • Captain: You didn't make the noise, Bundy.

      Al: (to the microphone) Whoosh!

    • Al: You see, Pookie, since you're the only one buying your cosmetics, you're not making any money.
      Peggy: Oh, yes I am. They send me checks.
      Al: Ah yes, but you send them much bigger ones. And that's what we call in the world of business "sending your husband rocketing to the poor house!" Why didn't you sell any make-up, Peg?
      Peggy: Well, like I told the girls, it's not very good.
      Al: Then why did you keep buying it?
      Peggy: Because that's how I make my money!

    • Al: How does she do it, Steve? How can she make more money than a man who sells shoes AND burgers??
      Steve: Al, I made more than you losing a tooth when I was a kid.
      Al: (waving a fist at him) Well, how would you like a fortune tonight, Steve!? I can't believe it. She can't sell more than me! Her customers must be morons. A list of idiots like that could be really worth a fortune to a good salesman. Damn, I wish I could find that list!
      Steve: Well, maybe there's a clue in this book that says "Peggy's Customers."

    • Captain: You pulled another burger boner.
      Al: What did I do, send one out hot?

    • Captain: Beam me up a burger, Bundy, warp speed.
      Al: People out there dying for kangaroo, huh?
      Captain: That's right, tell the world, Bundy.

    • Kelly: That was delicious, Daddy.
      Bud: Oh, yeah. We're sorry you didn't have enough money for you to eat, Dad.
      Al: That's okay, that sugar water really filled me up. What matters is that you two had a nice, nutritious meal. I just hope that my begging and whining didn't bother you.
      Kelly: Well, not after we had the waiter kick you out.

    • Al: Kelly, why don't you cook something up for old dad to eat?
      Kelly: Daddy, I am practically a woman, I don't cook. Why don't you just do what I do when I get hungry - get a date?
      Bud: And slit your skirt up to your chin.
      Al: Bud, you don't date, how do you eat?
      Bud: Well, just like the proud Indian I've learned to live off the land. For instance... Well, let me show you what I mean.
      (Al follows Bud into the kitchen)
      Now, you see this crack between the stove and the wall? Every now and then I'll find, say, a fuzzy M&M. Now, you just peal the protective coating, and you've got a nice little dose of simple carbohydrates. And don't throw away that colorful shell. Makes a hearty base for soup.
      Al: Well, I'll get the hanger and a little piece of gum and a-hunting we will go!

    • Peggy: What's wrong with you getting a second job?
      Al: Peg, let me state this as clearly as I can. I would rather rip off my nose with a can opener. I would rather bob for apples in a sewer. I would rather have a catheter the size of a garden hose, before I get another job to pay for your shopping.

    • Captain: Get with the program Bundy. You're a disgrace to the hat. Aw, clean your station.
      Al: Marry a redhead.

  • Notes

  • Allusions

    • In the episode, Al works at Burger Trek. Furthermore, he is required to go "whoosh" when the burgers are delivered through the shoot.

      This is a take off of Star Trek, where the doors make a whooosh sound when they open and close

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