Married... With Children

Season 9 Episode 7

Dial "B" for Virgin

Aired Sunday 8:00 PM Oct 16, 1994 on FOX



  • Trivia

    • Some of the movie posters at the video store seen in this episode are "So I Married an Axe Murderer" (the 1993 film starring Mike Myers) and "Cops & Robbersons" (the 1994 film starring Chevy Chase and Jack Palance).

    • Blooper: Bud's Virgin Hotline phone number is: 1-800-ZIPP-UP, but this couldn't possibly be a real phone number, because it's missing a digit. Phone numbers have 7 digits, not 6.

    • When Al and Peg walk into the video store, Peg briefly picks up a copy of the 1991 movie Dutch, which starred Ed O'Neill. A promotional poster from the movie is on display, but Ed O'Neill's eyes are covered with a sticker that says "FREE VIDEO". Peg quickly puts the video back down.

  • Quotes

    • Peg: Now, here's a movie we can agree on. You remember when we were dating and we saw this at the drive-in?
      Al: I remember that we saw half of it.
      Peg: You know, I still have the imprint of the Dodge logo on my back.
      (Peg laughs)
      I can't believe you still have that car.
      Al: Well, I can't believe I still have you.

    • Peg: Oh, Al. Look what I found. "Like Water for Chocolate." It's a love story.
      Al: What a coincidence, Peg, I found a love story, too. "Mrs. Assfire."
      Peg: Water!
      Al: Fire!
      Peg: Water!
      Al: Fire!
      Peg: All right, Al, that's it! You get what you want, I'm going home.
      Al: Oh, now wait, Peg. This could be good. Big 'Uns magazine guy gives this two things up.

    • Al: Oh. Excuse me.
      Marcy: No problem.
      Al: Marcy!
      Marcy: Al. It's not what you think.
      Al: Well, that's good, 'cause I think I'm going to heave.
      Marcy: I've just been monitoring porn for my women's group. We are sick of films that exploit and degrade women and we are not going to take it anymore.
      Clerk: Here are the tapes you asked us to hold for you, ma'am. "Silence of the Loins" and "The Joy Slut Club." Shall I just charge those to your house account?
      Marcy: Fine. I'm taking these home to erase them. That'll show you men.
      (to clerk)
      Do you have condoms?

    • Peg: Al, let's just find something to please both of us. And do not go into the Adult section.
      Al: I don't even know where the Adult section is.
      (Al sneaks into the Adult section)
      Ah, here are the classics. "Schindler's Lust." "Booty and the Beast." And my favorite, "Forrest Hump."

    • Peg: Now, all we have to do is find one movie that we can both watch.
      Al: Hey, here's one! "Die, Scumsucking Pig, Die!" Ray Walston and Sherman Hemsley in a haunted house, Peg.
      Peg: Al, you have rented that 25 times, already!
      Al: Oh, it's good.
      Peg: Oh, how about this? "Four Weddings and a Funeral."
      Al: That's kind of like 5 of the same thing, isn't it? Hey, how about "Wrestlemania Bloopers?"
      Peg: You could have taped our honeymoon for that.

    • Bud: Friday night and what am I doing? Talking a guy out of sex. Oh, my God. I am my father's Oldsmobile.

    • Bud: (answers telephone)
      Hello, you're on the Virgin Hotline. This is your counselor, uh... Eugene.
      Kelly: (in disguised voice)
      Hi, my name is Isis J. Blowupdoll. And my boyfriend, Bud, hasn't been able to keep his hands off me ever since I came out of the box. Now, should I try to stay firm or just explode and go to pieces?
      Bud: Very funny, Kel. But don't let me keep you. I'm sure the trucker paid for the whole hour.

    • Miss Hardaway: People don't understand virgins these days, Mr. Bundy. They don't realize that we can have just as much fun as they do while remaining vertical with our toes uncurled and the saliva of our passions held firmly in our proud, unsullied mouths. And there are so many more exciting things to do besides having sex. Have you ever felt the soft down of a newborn baby duck? Ever collect little ceramic unicorns? Ever play Yahtzee?
      Bud: No, you see, I'm not a virgin.
      Miss Hardaway: (laughs)
      Oh, come now, Mr. Bundy.

    • Bud: Dad, I've got a problem. I, uh, I did something really stupid.
      Al: Oh, son. You didn't marry, did you?

    • Peg: Look, Al, you have said no to every movie that I have chosen.
      Al: Because every movie you choose sucks!
      Peg: Fried Green Tomatoes sucks?
      Men in store: YES!

    • Jefferson: If your a virgin, and your hormones urgin', pull up your undies and call Bud Bundy's!

    • Esther: You know Bud, there are girls at my school who'll have sex with anyone, anywhere... anytime.
      Bud: Well you just give me their names, their phone numbers, and their measurements, and I'll get to the bottom of them, I mean to the bottom of it.
      Esther: No Bud, if I take my eyes off you before my mother gets home, I know I get all horny again.

  • Notes

  • Allusions

    • The movie titles mentioned in the Adult section of the video store were allusions to then current popular films.

      "Schindler's Lust" is an allusion to the 1993 Academy Award winning film, Schindler's List, starring Liam Neeson and directed by Steven Spielberg.

      "Booty and the Beast" is an allusion to the 1991 Disney animated film, Beauty and the Beast.

      "Forrest Hump" is an allusion to the 1994 Academy Award winning film, Forrest Gump, starring Tom Hanks.

      "Silence of the Loins" is an allusion to the 1991 Academy Award winning film, Silence of the Lambs, starring Anthony Hopkins and Jodie Foster.

      "The Joy Slut Club" is an allusion to the 1993 film, The Joy Luck Club, starring Ming-Na Wen.

      "Mrs. Assfire" is an allusion to the 1993 comedy film, Mrs. Doubtfire, starring Robin Williams.

    • The episode title is an allusion to the 1954 Alfred Hitchcock film, Dial M for Murder, starring Ray Milland and Grace Kelly.

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