Married... With Children Season 3 Episode 11

Al: Forgot my wallet, Peg.
Bud: Such a nerd.
Peggy: Come on now, Kids. Give your daddy a chance.(to Al) What are you gonna do, idiot?
Al: Lets not panic. I mean, if we keep calm we can still get through this thing with a little bit of dignity.
Kelly: You want me to throw a fit on the floor like I did when we can't pay at Denny's?
Al: That was for three ninety-five. For two hundred and twenty-five they let you swallow your tongue before they call an aumbulance.

Al: Kids, we're not at home. This is a special evening and a special meal. I think we should show our thanks b< saying Grace.
(They bow their heads and we hear them thinking)
Bud: Look at that steak. I think I'm getting sexually excited.
Kelly: I knew you were supposed to cook a potato. I knew it, I knew it.
Peggy: This food could be trouble. They're all going to like it and then they're going to look at me.
(They all look at Peggy and then bow their heads again)
Al: And Lord, I'd just like to say... other people get to eat like this all the time. Animals at the zoo eat better than me. And more often, I might add. Don't I rate as much as a jackal gets? Thanks for listening. Your friend, Al.

Bud: Look at 'em. Old-a-rama.
Kelly: You are a soul-less troll. I think it's romantic that two dinosaurs like Mom and Dad still care enough about each other to dance. I mean, look at them. You can see how much they really love each other.
(Cut to Al and Peggy dancing)
Peggy: Couldn't you even put on deodorant, you pig?
Al: Gee, you didn't wear quite enough hair spray tonight, Peg. I can still smell your breath.

Al: Since you're imposing, let me ask you a question. As you can see, our house is in great sadness. We inherited a check for two hundred and thirty-seven dollars, we don't know what do with it.

Peggy: Al, you think the kids are gonna be okay in the house for a week by themselves?
Al: Well, if you're worried about them, you stay with them. It won't be the same without you. I might have some fun.

Al: (hands Kelly his car keys, to fetch his forgotten wallet) Oh, and Kelly...?
Kelly: (rolls eyes) I know, I'll be careful.
Al: Nah, I don't care about that. Just don't change my radio station.

Paul: (about Al) He overflowed the toilet!

Al: (stalling, while Kelly goes to get his wallet) How's about some more water? Y'know, it's nature's fruit juice!

Peggy: (about going to a restaurant) We did that once Al! Remember? We were supposed to give Kelly a flue shot, but she was crying so much we decided to go out instead.

Marcy: Me and Steve went to a restaurant, and we brought Buck a nice big bone.
Peggy: (Al takes the bone and slams the door in front of Marcy's and Steve's face. Peggy then takes the bone) Whoa! There's meat on it! Kids! Dinner time!

Peggy: (holds Al's shoe) Stay back everyone! I have a deadly shoe.

Peggy: (everyone sits down) on the table) Kids, you know what to do. (Peggy takes a bag, and everyone puts the silverware in it).

Peggy Al, would you like to dance?
Al: You wouldn't mind?
Peggy: Of course not.
Al: (stands up and asks the young woman sitting behind him) Would you like to dance?

Al: (Ordering dinner for everyone, in a high-class restaurant) Four steaks. Nuke 'em.