Funniest line in MWC

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    BluePhoenix5

    [21]Dec 6, 2005
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    This is one from the episode "The Dateless Amigo":

    (Al goes down to the basement and falls down a set of stairs}

    Al: Who am I? Where am I? Oh, yeah, I'm Al Bundy. Oh, no, damn.
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    martelli9

    [22]Dec 30, 2005
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    TyGee29 wrote:
    I forget which season but Al was carpooling with a bunch of overweight women and one them said to Al "Do you always wear cheap suits and smell of High Karate?" And Al replies, "Do you always wear shower curtains and smell of Mars bars?"
    And then a couple minutes later a news guy stops them and says "Do you know that you're the only people carpooling in all of Chicago?" And Al says "We're also the only ones eating Snickerdoodles by the gallon" LMAO
    And one of my other favorites is when Al had returned an overdue library book from his childhood where the exact same fatlibrarian STILL works! After she deemed Al the "Freddy Krueger of the library system", She asks him "Could it be that you would always have been a failure?" And Al replies "Could it be that the nails that hold your chair together are from the planet Krypton?"


    I'm not too sure what season it was, but the name of that episode was called "Ride Scare" That was one of the funniest episodes, in my opinion. I just wish I had that one on tape.
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    pharaoh2

    [23]Jan 5, 2006
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    I just started watching, but I think the two times that Al is talking about the fat woman that comes into the shoe store in the episode "Change for a Buck" are the funniest lines I've heard so far.
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    1980srule

    [24]Jan 17, 2006
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    Heres one I like but I don't know which episode and season this was from. I'm not sure who said this line too.
    Who ever said this:Hey Bundy I had steak for dinner. What are you going to have?
    Al:If I was the mailman I'd be having you'r wife.
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    pharaoh2

    [25]Feb 1, 2006
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    Kelly: How come Mom can cross state lines, and I can't?
    Al: Because your Mom didn't go in a van with a bumper sticker that read, "Don't come a-knockin' if you see this van a-rockin'."
    Kelly: That could be taken a lot of different ways.
    Bud: And so can you.
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    jason43224

    [26]Feb 3, 2006
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    this one from the episode where marcy boss wanted to buy als car
    al:im not gonna sell my dodge, i love that car more than anything i have
    Bud:what about us dad?
    al: You need a q tip!
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    caspianAO

    [27]Feb 6, 2006
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    One of my fav lines...

    Peg: Al, why are you home so early.
    Al: The excercise class upstair played "Jump". And Lord if the whole herad didn't!. They crashed right thru the roof.
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    evilvanessafan

    [28]Feb 19, 2006
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    i dont feel like looking it all up

    but here's 3 of my favs..

    1. the episode where al has a list of 10 things which would make marcy more attractive with things on it like "wear a ski-mask" and "poke out eyes of every man on the planet" (anyone know this episode? i want to see it again..)

    2. def. from "he thought he could" , this is one of the best episodes imo..

    librarian: I could have retired 3 years ago Bundy, Do you know why I stayed?
    al: you learned to eat books?

    3. i dont know the episode but there was as usual a fat woman with some kid in the shoe store and while al was helping the fat woman the little boy thats with her (he's holding he's moms hand)
    says: i want a balloon!!!

    on which al replies: you already got one
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    NabeKid

    [29]Mar 10, 2006
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    Im literally laughing my ass off(LMAO) in front of the computer screen.

    heres one i can't fully remember but here it goes.

    al says somethin like: If you don't have any breasts it couldn't hurt"

    al to marcy: "tell her marcy".




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    bhawkins08

    [30]Apr 11, 2006
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    The funniest lines has to be when Al Calls Marcy a 'Chicken' or 'Chicken Chest' all of their squabbles are great.
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    spikemaniac

    [31]Apr 25, 2006
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    Al McBundy had a farm, E-I-E-I-O!
    And on that farm there was no wife, E-I-E-I-O!


    LOL I don't remember the rest of it
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  • Avatar of Semaj86

    Semaj86

    [32]May 4, 2006
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    Too many to even count.
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  • Avatar of buffyjl

    buffyjl

    [33]Jun 1, 2006
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    evilvanessafan wrote:
    i dont feel like looking it all up but here's 3 of my favs.. 1. the episode where al has a list of 10 things which would make marcy more attractive with things on it like "wear a ski-mask" and "poke out eyes of every man on the planet" (anyone know this episode? i want to see it again..) 

    That's from the later, maybe last, season when Jefferson and Kelly became tv stars for a recurring coffee commercial. Bud was their agent and broke the news to Al & Marcy that in the current ad, Keely and Jefferson would have to kiss.
    Al objected and gave his reason,
    Al: Kelly's lips are never gonna go where Marcy's lips have been!

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    buffyjl

    [34]Jun 1, 2006
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    Oh yah! At the end of "Oldies but Youngns", when Al is so happy, he tells Peggy

    Al: Next to the day before I met you, this is the happiest day of my life!

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    RAFAELJOSE04

    [35]Jun 6, 2006
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    Don't shot me. I'm a shoe salesman.

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    machinehead81

    [36]Jun 6, 2006
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    I don't remember what episode it is but peg comes home and asks
    Did you miss me?
    Al: With every shot so far. I love that classic line.
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    Element-17

    [37]Jun 26, 2006
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    I think the funniest line from Married ... with Children is from It's a Bundyful Life (Part 1) when Al tries to make money for Christmas presents by running a day-care center in his shoe store, and tells the kids a story, a parody of "'Twas the Night Before Christmas". It's kind of long though... Anyway, here it is:

    'Twas the night before Christmas,
    And all through the house,
    No food was a-stirring,
    Not even a mouse.

    Stockings were hung round
    Dad's nick like a tie,
    Along with a note that said,
    "Presents or die."


    Children were plotting
    All night in their beds,
    While the wife's constant whining
    Was splitting his head.

    But Daddy had money
    This year in the bank,
    Then they closed up early,
    And now Dad's in the tank.

    All of a sudden,
    Santa appeared,
    A sneer on his face,
    Booze in his beard.

    "Santa," I said,
    As he laughed merrily,
    "You do so much for others,
    Do something for me."

    "Bundy," he said,
    "You only sell shoes,
    Your son is a sneak thief,
    Your daughter's a floose."

    "Ho, ho," Santa said,
    "Should I mention your wife?
    Her hair's like an A-bomb,
    Her nails like a knife."

    He climbs up the chimney,
    That fat piece of dung,
    He mooned me two times,
    He stuck out his tongue.

    I heard him exclaim,
    As he broke wind with glee,
    "You're married with children,
    you'll never be free."


    After this story, he asked if anyone wanted to hear about "The Red-Headed Grinch That Stole Uncle Al's Life."
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  • Avatar of buffyjl

    buffyjl

    [38]Jun 27, 2006
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    Element-17 wrote:
    After this story, he asked if anyone wanted to hear about "The Red-Headed Grinch That Stole Uncle Al's Life."

    Ahahahhhhh!!!!

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    AntonSolo

    [39]Dec 27, 2006
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    The one that always gets Me is when Marcy, in one of her trademark comebacks, berates Al with by tekking him he has "a peanut-sized brain." I can't remember the episode, but I remember his answer, "Hey! Do I make fun of you?"

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    Havoc3_20

    [40]Jan 21, 2007
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    How bout the episode where the Fat women take over the shoe store and put Al on trial for crimes against Obesity.

    (Women walking in with protest signs)
    Fat Women: 2,4,6,8 Don't make fun of our weight 2,4,6,8 Don't make fun of our weight

    AL:1,2,3,4 Your gonna fall throught the floor

    Anytime he makes fun of a fat woman is a classic

    Kid: I want a balloon
    (AL looks at the kids Mother)
    AL: looks to me like you already have one
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