Al: Okay, Peg. I tried to use our ATM card, I stuck it in, it spit it out... and it laughed at me.
Bud: Okay, I'll let you go, but you've gotta promise to give me a head start.
Al: Sure, Son, what do you think I'm gonna do? Hunt you down like a dog and kill you? Sure, a normal father would do that, but we're Bundys.
Bud: Oh God. What does that mean, you're gonna eat me?
Peggy: Oh, Al. It's time for your conjugal visit.
Al: No! No! Help Me!
Peggy: Shut up, Al! You're my bitch now!
Bud: Gee, Dad, Mom left teeth marks all over your neck.
Al: No, son, that was me, I tried to sever my own jugular. Damn clotting.
Al: (to Bud) Son, you got mad like anybody would, but you got mad and even. That's what makes you part of the grand Bundy Tradition. I'll never forget my old man, sweet guy. Sold my Schwin for the price of a drink. I was so mad at him, before he knew it, I enlisted him into the Army. But the time he came back from Korea, boy, he was so ticked off, good thing he was in a wheelchair.
(Kelly Imitating Al about to do the lawn)
Kelly: Damn Lawn. Damn Kids. Damn Wife.
(Peg comes down the stairs.)
Kelly: Forget it Peg, no sex tonight!
The episode title is an allusion to Fyodor Dostoyevsky's 1866 novel, Crime and Punishment.
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