Young Al: My life's got to get better than this.
Al: Miss Degroot, does the word "suey" mean anything to ya?
(Steve finds the "Little Engine That Could" in a box)
Steve: Hey! (holds up book) Look at this, the book that inspired my whole life!
Al: "Wanda The Preppy Hippo?"
Steve: Al, just take the book back.
Al: I've got bad memories of that library.
Peg: (patronizing) Oh, Honey, is that because all the other kids were reading?
(Peggy is popping popcorn for Al and Steve)
Marcy: (reading label) Peggy, do you know this say's "Use before May 11th 1972?"
Peg: Marcy, if you read it carefully it says "Best if used before May 11th 1972!"
Mrs. Degroot: So Mr. Bundy, what do you do for a living? Presuming you're not still in highschool.
Al: Librarian hitman.
Mrs. Degroot: Do you think, anyone could teach you anything?
Young Al: Well, you've just taught me that even the slightest movement can make a fat person sweat.
Mrs. Degroot: You always promise but you don't follow through and that in a nutshell is your problem. Make a promise, keep a promise.
Young Al: Yeah yeah, bake a pie, eat a pie.
Steve: You can't throw this away.
Peggy: Steve, it's a book. He certainly can't read it.
(showing the others his trophies)
Al: You notice how they're getting smaller.
Peggy: Everything about him is.
Al: Oh yeah, and I'm sure you didn't have anything to do with that either, did you Peg?
Kelly: Hey everybody. Oh, the greatest thing happened at school today. The busdriver had a nervous breakdown so we had to drive the bus ourselves. So, uhm, if anybody calls and accuses me of locking the driver in the bathroom and taking the bus for a joyride - now you know it's not true.
Peggy: Now Al, I hope that attic is nice and clean for when mother comes to stay.
Al: The straw's been laid out, the trough's been build. All we need now is a little glass of burbon to put her teeth in and she'll be in, pardon the expression, hog heaven.
Al: So you think I'm a loser? Just because I have a stinking job that I hate, a family that doesn't respect me, a whole city that curses the day I was born? Well, that may mean loser to you, but let me tell you something. Every morning when I wake up, I know it's not going to get any better until I go back to sleep again. So I get up, have my watered down Tang and still-frozen Pop Tart, get in my car with no upholstery, no gas and six more payments to fight traffic just for the privilege of putting cheap shoes on the cloven hooves of people like you. I'll never play football like I thought I would, I'll never know the touch of a beautiful woman, and I'll never again know the joy of driving without a bag on my head. But I'm not a loser. 'Cause despite it all, me and every other guy who'll never be what he wanted to be, are still out there, being what we don't wanna be, forty hours a week, for life. And the fact that I haven't put a gun to my mouth, you pudding of a woman, makes me a winner!
Al: Well, it just so happens that I returned that book years ago.
Ms. Degroot: I'd remember if you did.
Al: You weren't here.
Ms. Degroot: I'm always here.
Al: Not that day. I believe that was the day of the big cake heist. You were rounded up for questioning.
Ms. Degroot: You know, Mr. Bundy, I've worked at this library for 44 years. I was eligible for retirement 3 years ago. Do you know why I stayed?
Al: You learned to eat books?
Young Al: Can I have the books now? I've got a book report due tomorrow.
Ms. Degroot: You may take just one book.
Young Al: Hey, be fair. Can you eat just one pig?
Ms. Degroot: Well, young Mr. Bundy...the devil boy. You'd like to check these out, would you? Well, I'm afraid you can't. Do you know why?
Young Al: 'Cause I didn't bring you french fries like the other boys do?
This idea was also mentioned in an episode of the Brady Bunch "Private Ear" in which it was discovered that Greg had borrowed a library book which he still hadn't returned several years later.
It seems Seinfeld completely ripped off this storyline later on somewhere around '92. In the episode of Seinfeld The Library, Jerry finds out he had an overdue book from 1971, and there George finds someone he knew back then.
Ms. Degroot says to Al that he is the Freddy Kruger of the library. Freddy Kruger is the famous killer in The Nightmare on Elm Street movies played by Robert England.
The name of this episode is a parody of the storylines of The Little Engine That Could.
Al: The nails that hold your chair together is from the planet Krypton.
Al is referring to the planet Krypton from the movie Superman (1978), the planet Clark Kent/Superman was from.
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