Peggy: Al, you don't think I'm getting old, do you?
Al: Peg, you look just the way you did the day I married you. Only difference is, today I'm not dead drunk.
Kelly: Dad, if you're smart you toss her the present like a hand grenade and sleep at the bus station like us.
Stripper: Mind if I get dressed upstairs?
Peggy: Oh yeah, first door on the right. Just follow the trail of tears.
Al: I'm in real trouble here, Steve. They discontinued my wife's bra, yet my wife lives on. If I don't get her a good birthday present, I'm in big trouble. It could get ugly. She could want affection. And as we know, affection is just a hammerlock away from sex.
Al: You know, Peg, I sense you're in a mood here. Y'know, it's just a stinkin' bra, who cares??
Peggy: Let me explain it to you so you'll understand. You know how you like to stick your finger in your ear? Well, just suppose that one day that ear closed up and the finger didn't fit anymore.
Al: I'd use your fingers like I do when you're sleeping.
Al: Kids, why didn't you tell me it was your mothers birthday? I wouldn't have come home.
Peggy: By the way, Al, am I still attractive?
Al: Peg, you're still the same knee in the groin you were when you were sixteen.
Peggy: I don't believe you. You didn't say it with feeling. You are an insensitive hog of a man. Oh, I gotta do something to shake these birthday blues. (Al takes out his wallet) I know, give me money. I'm going to shop till you drop.
(Al opens his wallet up and Peggy removes all the cash from it and begins counting it)
Peggy: Oh, uh, by the way, Al. This doesn't get you off the hook from a present. And this year, I want something different.
Al: Well, Peg, I only know how to do it one way.
Peggy: And one day maybe you'll get it right. No, honey. This year I want something that lasts longer than three minutes. I want a real gift. I want you to spend money on me, Al.
Al: (displaying his empty wallet) Peg, I have no more money!
Peggy: Well, that doesn't stop me from spending it. God! Do I have to do everything around here?
Al: I'd like a bra for my wife, who's a woman... sort of.
Peaches: Excuse me, sir. Do you know where they keep the bun sparkle?
Al: I believe they keep it in the produce department.
Al: And if I was gay, I'd like to think I could do better than him. (Steve)
Marcy: What if men had breasts?
Al: Then we wouldn't need women anymore.
Peggy: And if you had what other men had, I wouldn't need batteries anymore.
(Al and Steve see beautiful women in the lingerie store)
Al: I knew women looked like that. I knew it. I knew it.
Al: Peg, who's the cop with his pants on backwards?
Steve: Their motto is "If you got the boulders we got the holders."
(Al and Steve are in the store, Steve slowly touches a dummy's breast)
Al: Steve, aren't you ashamed?
Steve: Come on, Al, you know she wants it... look how she's dressed.
Girl: Mister, are you straight?
Al: As straight as the hairs on my chest.
Girl: Well do you think my boyfriend would like this?
(She moves the curtain to show all her underwear, Al slowly nods his head)
Girl: Or do you think he would like it without the bra like this?
(She takes of her bra, Al faints with a smile on his face)
Francine's of Hollywood, the fictional lingerie store, is located in the real city of Oconomowoc, Wisconsin, which is located about two and a half hours north of Chicago.
This episode was a booster for the series. A woman from Michigan (Terry Rakolta) was shocked by this episode and wanted to fight the series. This caused a lot of curiosity in viewers and they tuned to it wondering what the big commotion was. It also made some fans out of the show.
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