Married... With Children Season 4 Episode 1

Marcy: Oh Peggy, I don't know what to do. Steve is an unfeeling cur. As you know, my sainted aunt Toonie passed away.
Steve: Sainted my foot, she used to pay for sailors.
Marcy: She was 67 and they wouldn't come for free. Anyway, I was her favorite and the honor to care for her sainted ashes fell to me.
Steve: And the horrible cross to bear of caring for her 100.000 Dollars fell to her cats.

Kelly: I can't wait 'til I have kids, so I can make them suffer.
Bud: And if they ask who their dad is, you can play wheel of father.

Bud: The holiday got you down, Kel? Well, lets just pretend it's a normal day. Get up on the table, dance around and me and mom will put dollars down your blouse.
Peggy: Now Bud, not everything Reverend Felcher says from the pulpit is true.

Al: So tomorrow, unless, god willing, I die in my sleep, I get up for me and celebrate for me. Tomorrow is Al Bun-Day.
Peggy: Gee, I thought that was Al-O-Ween.

Al: Who's gonna give it a "Whoa Bundy" here?
(no response)
Al: ...Eh?
(Peggy, Kelly and Bud get up from the couch and walk away)

Al: Greeting, vultures. Your meal ticket's here.

Al: It's Labor Day, not Leech Day, that's Christmas.

Steve: What happened to my fish?
Al: It fell on the ground, eat up.

Al: In 1492 Columbus brought labor day to America, and the women still did nothing!