Steve: Let me get to the point of my visit Al. I'm sueing you. My wife won't leave your house.
Al: Neither will mine but they threw me out of court.
Steve: This Elvis thing is ruining my life. I used to have a wife that enjoyed my company. We come home from work, we talk, we laugh, we'd share a little banking anecdotes. that was before your wife and your sweat stain ruined my life. Now Marcy is at your house and it's pretty diffcult to discuss supply side economics with a woman who is riding on the shoulders of a black man singing "Viva Las Vegas".
Al: So, what's your beef Steve?
Steve: I want my wife back.
Al: Steve, if it was up to me, you'd have your wife back. And mine too. But it's not up to me. Our women have gone insane. And I've learned, much like when they're shopping, sick or horny, best to stay out of their way.
Al: Peg, I understand your great need to shop, after all, you need to do something to break up that nothing you do at home. But, you know, as I was vacuuming my shirt this morning, I said to myself 'Hey, I got a wife. I have to, why else would I not care about my health?'
Peggy: What's your point, Al?
Al: I don't have any clean shirts Peg.
Peggy: Do what I do. Buy a new one.
Al: I would have but I didn't wanna wake you prying my wallet out of your claws.
Peggy: Hi Al. You would have been so proud of me. I spent every penny you have but not a cent more. Now I need a little tip for Alejandro.
Al: Sure. Don't touch my wife.
Margo: They don't fit! None of these shoes fit! Your ad says "we fit every foot."
Al: Yes, ma'am, but our problem is not what Webster meant by feet. Lets face it ladies, these are giant rib roads with toenails. Might I suggest putting your footsies on large plates and surrounding them with those little brown baked potatoes wrapped in aluminum foil along with a glass of dry red wine.
Peggy: Al, I just saw Elvis!
Al: Elvis who?
Peggy: Elvis Presley! The King! The Pelvis! He just walked by here asking me where the mall pharmacy was, and I pointed it out to him. He's been spotted all over the country and I think I just saw him.
Al: Peg, let me explain three things to you. Number one: Elvis is dead. Number two: Elvis was never good when he was alive. And number three: if Elvis was alive, he'd want you to clean my shirts!
(Elvis impersonators enter Al's house)
Peggy: Look Al, Elvi!
Steve: You know what we say at the bank: when opportunity knocks, that's us foreclosing.