Marcy: (upon noticing Peggy's new dress) Oh, that is such a beautiful dress. I just saw it on Michigan Avenue, but my husband didn't think we could afford it. See, Steve? Al doesn't mind spending $500 on his wife.
Al: (turns towards Peg with a shocked face) Is that what I spent on you, Pookie? Gee, I guess I really do love you. We're broke. You know that, Peg.
Peg: Oh, Al, what difference does it make? Another month in debtor's prison?
Al: I don't understand. I mean, the father's the boss, isn't he? I mean, Robert Young was the boss. Fred MacMurray got some respect. Even Fred Flintstone had his day once or twice. Are you telling me I'm not the man Fred Flintstone is?
Steve: Well, he had a better job than you do.
Marcy: Oh, come on, Al. Reunions are fun. Every now and then, you have to take a stroll down memory lane and say hi to Mr. Days Gone By. Why, Steve and I couldn't wait to go to our respective reunions. The failures of our former classmates were even greater than we'd hoped and dreamed.
Steve: Yeah. Remember that, um, hotshot visual aids captain, Marcus Belsky? He's a tow truck operator now. (laughs) Yeah. Steal my compass, will you? Well, rot in hell, Belsky.
Marcy: What about that snot-nosed pompom slut, Courtney Pierce? "Most Likely to Succeed." Yeah. Well, she succeeded in growing a mustache and bagging groceries for $3.20 an hour.
Steve: Yeah, see? That's what reunions are for-- to laugh and point at the pitiful. You know, Al, the wretches, the failures, the people who haven't accomplished a damn thing since high school. (notices that Al is offended) I, uh...uh, I'm sorry, Al.
Al: You know, Barney Rubble wasn't much, but at least he was supportive, Steve.
Peggy: Now that you insist on going, there are going to be a few rules. First, I don't want you talking to any of your old friends, particularly that little weasel Eli.
Al: Eli was a good guy, Peg.
Peggy: Good guys don't say, "Hey, Bundy, I got 20 ridin' on you. Lower your head and run into a brick wall."
Al: No one had ever done that before.
Peggy: I like to think if you hadn't, you might actually have been a garbageman. Rule number two... I don't want you getting into any fights, particularly with Jack.
Al: Jack. Yeah, I remember Jack. I don't like Jack. He had this thing about being the best. Always trying to top me. I'd make the team, he'd make the team. I set a record, he set a record. He passed a gallstone, I married you. We could never settle that tie. Jack and me split the school right down the middle. Half for him, half for me. On graduation day, we were going to fight it out in the schoolyard, me and him 'til one of us dropped. Then... something happened.
Peggy: I think that something was Eli betting you couldn't jump over a Mustang going 50.
Al: I was two inches short, Peg. Had my toe had just cleared that driver's nose, I'd have won that $10 bet.
Connie: You remember the Yoshiro sisters? Well, I flew them in from Tokyo. By the way, Sumo? Who are you voting for?
Sumo: She who holds our passport.
Steve: Marcy, lets go home, punch up some of our old classmates credit ratings on the computer and make love by the flickering ashes of their lives.
Marcy: Oh Steve. We make a bed of our negotiable securities and do the wild thing. (They leave)
Peggy: Why don't we get any negotiable securities, Al?
Al: Cause my wild thing broke me.
Bud: Well, lets just go upstairs and check the webs for spiders.
Kelly: Yeah well, just don't give me any of that "Don't eat him, it's Stanley", cause if it moves it's dinner.
Peggy: I know what you're trying to do, Al. You're trying to make me mad at you, so I'll tell you to stay home. Well, it didn't work at our wedding and it's not gonna work now.
Bud: Kell, I can't. I mean, I just can't eat Freddy. He lived in my room.
Kelly: So does fungus. Where do you draw the line?
Al: Peg, I don't wanna go to my high school reunion. I just know they're gonna ask me questions that I can't answer like "How you doin'?", "How's it goin'?", the ever painful "How they're hanging?"
Bud: Can we have a little chat about nutrition?
Kelly: To hell with nutrition, lets talk about food!
Bud: You see mom, no nutrition equals no brain. (points to Kelly) I give you exhibit A.
Kelly: We've been talking to the other kids at school and they get three meals a day. Now, I know what you said, that food only leads to food poisoning but we're willing to risk it.
Edna: Al! You haven't changed a bit! What a shame.
Al: Hello Edna. You look quite good yourself - not a day over one hundred.
Peggy: We don't have to go all the way back. If we did, Connie would be in the coat room with the band.
Al: I'm not going to this reunion.
Peggy: Listen Al. You said you wouldn't take me to the prom. I said fine. You said you'd only be a shoe salesman for a couple of months until you got your feet off the ground. I said fine. You said, 'I don't know what's wrong, I guess I'm just tired'. I said fine. I'm not saying fine anymore.
Peggy: Okay Al, lets go over this one more time. What do you work as?
Peggy: How often do we do it?
Al: Five times a year.
Peggy: No, five times a week Al. I'm not asking you to do it, just say it. How many kids do we have?
Al: Peg, I don't wanna go to our high school reunion. Can't we just forget the good times and get on with our lives?
Connie: Peggy! Peggy Wanker, don't bother to thank her.
Peg: Connie! Connie Bender, bring a friend it won't affend her.
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