Needing cash to buy a new television, Al tries out to be on a sports trivia game show. When he is rejected due to his lack of personality, he prepares Kelly to appear in his place while trying to avoid overloading her brain.
Al convinces Jefferson to bet on Trumaine College in a football game based on an inside tip, but the sure bet is threatened when Kelly starts dating the quarterback. Meanwhile, Peg makes homemade bonbons.
Al is looking forward to a rare airing of the John Wayne film, Hondo, but he risks missing it when a malfunctioning computer causes him to become locked inside a department store. Meanwhile, Bud and Kelly overexert Buck on his tenth birthday.
"NO MA'AM" is outraged when Al loses his preferred parking space at the mall for making fun of a fat woman, so they seek the advice of a legendary former classmate who lives in a remote area. Meanwhile, Peg and the kids steal a fully stocked refrigerator from Peg's deceased aunt and try to hide it from Al.moreless
Al is disappointed when the lingerie models he's been assigned to carpool with turn out not to be what he expected. However, he has a change of heart when they are asked to be paid spokespeople for the "Cleaner, Greener Chicago" campaign.
Peg tries to convince Al to come home for a nooner so she can win a radio contest for a trip to Tahiti. Meanwhile, Bud and Kelly repeatedly find themselves at the end of a long line at the mall for "Burned Beyond Recognition" concert tickets, and Al's new assistant nearly dies on the job.moreless
Al is conflicted when a baseball team owner claims Jefferson is a spy and offers him $50,000 to turn Jefferson in. Meanwhile, Peg breaks a tooth, and Bud and Kelly panhandle to raise money to start a business.
Marcy is in line to receive a $1.3 million finder's fee for helping an automotive company locate an assembly plant on Polk High's football field, but doesn't consider what Al would do to prevent it from happening. Meanwhile, Kelly uses Bud and Buck as guinea pigs for a new bug spray called "Springtime in Baghdad."moreless
Al decides to sell his Dodge when it breaks down while following Oprah on tour, but he gets an unexpected offer from the manufacturer, who wants to film the odometer turning over when it hits the million mile mark. Meanwhile, Kelly searches for Waldo.
Al becomes obsessed with an apple tree in his yard when it bears fruit for the first time, and starts an escalating feud with the D'arcys when Jefferson eats an apple from a branch he claims is hanging in his yard.
Peg has a photograph of herself in lingerie taken as a present for Al's 45th birthday, and the photographer decides to use it as a billboard sized advertisement in the mall right outside the shoe store. Al will stop at nothing – even making peace with Marcy's feminist group - to have the advertisement removed.moreless
Buck runs away from home to teach his family a lesson, but winds up on death row in the dog pound when no one notices him missing. Meanwhile, Al and Jefferson look forward to "Wrestle 'til You're Raw" night at the nudie bar.
Al and Jefferson argue about who appeared in the first Lite Beer commercial, and hope to get the answer when a new neighborhood sports bar opens. Unfortunately, the grand opening conflicts with Peg's and Marcy's plans to see a live reenactment of The Jeffersons.
Al and his friends are outraged when "The Masculine Feminist" leads a protest that turns their night at the bowling alley into a women-only night, and transforms the nudie bar into a coffee house. They decide to fight back by creating the anti-feminist organization, "NO MA'AM".
Al hires a recent Polk High graduate named Aaron to work at the shoe store, and makes some bad assumptions while giving him advice about marriage. Meanwhile, Kelly suffers from temporary insanity after being stung by Peruvian beetles while filming an exterminator commercial.
Marcy hosts a Halloween party for women who have murdered their husbands, but has to turn to Jefferson, Peg, Kelly, and Bud when her famous entertainers back out at the last minute. Meanwhile, Al gets a visit from the Grim Reaper, who offers him one last chance to stay alive.
A radio psychologist suggests Marcy imagine herself in the bedroom while delivering a speech to her bank's shareholders, which works so well that she embarks on a new career. Meanwhile, Al becomes obsessed with rap music videos.
Al experiences a stretch of pure good luck that includes Bud moving into a fraternity and Kelly becoming a well paid exterminator mascot. Instead of cherishing his good fortune, he becomes convinced that the Bundy Curse is about to deal him a fate worse than death.
After yet another failed attempt at creating a persona to attract women, Bud retires to his parents' basement, where he begins hearing voices. Meanwhile, Al navigates a complicated telephone menu system in an attempt to order an alternator for his Dodge.
Al is contacted by his first teenage love, who has moved back to their old neighborhood to run her father's store. Jefferson convinces him to take Peg on a second honeymoon as a cover to meet up with his former lover and help her with a problem she is having with some neighborhood punks.moreless
Al is given a pair of courtside tickets to an all star charity basketball game, and he reluctantly takes Peg along even though she knows nothing about the sport. Al regrets his decision when Peg is chosen for the opportunity to win $10,000 if she can make a free throw.
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