Kelly: Dad, even Meg's father got her mom an anniversary present and he shot at her.
Peggy: Since you're not gonna get me a present, do you think you can take my car and have a radio installed?
Al: Peg, I don't have the time.
Peggy: Yeah, but I'm out all day long running errands, what am I supposed to listen to?
Al: You're own beautiful voice. If god didn't want other people to hear it, he wouldn't have made it so shrill.
Peg: Would you like me to make you some soup tomorrow for lunch?
Al: No thanks. Last time I cut my hand on the can.
Steve: Oh Marcy, after sixteen years of marriage I hope we grow so close that i'll never have to say i'm sorry.
Marcy: Steve, you're interrupting.
Steve: I'm sorry.
Al: I'm taking my power tools, which I paid for, to celebrate in the garage, which I'm still paying for.
Marcy: Steve. You would never show up to our anniversary without a gift would you?
Steve: Of course not. I care about you.
Al: Happy anniversary!
Peg: A can of motor oil.
Al: Forty weight! And a, uh... road flare. Bless our happy home.
Luke: (looking at Marcy) Hey Al, your daughter's really blossomed.
Al: (on Peg's car) I fixed the bass control, so it doesn't vibrate your tush.
Peggy: Actually I kinda liked that.
(opening Peggy's present)
Al: The power tools i've been wanting! It'll be hard to top this. So why try?
Marcy: Here, we got you one of our favorite books.
Al: (reading book cover) My Partner, My Wife, My Life. My God.
Steve: We were just admiring your wedding album. We videotaped ours. Of course, Polaroids are nice too.
(watching Caterer put frosting on cake)
Bud: Man, I wish I could make stuff like that.
Caterer: Maybe you can, would you to be a Chef?
Bud: Nah, I'd rather be a man.
Al: Oh God, the world is ugly in the morning.
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