Married... With Children

Season 3 Episode 7

The Bald and the Beautiful

Aired Sunday 8:00 PM Jan 29, 1989 on FOX



  • Trivia

    • The words "Directed By" are mistakenly inserted inside the yellow box that contains the director's name in addition to being in their proper place outside the box.

  • Quotes

    • Lance: All right, all right! Brother Al. Have you been moved to share?
      Al: Yeah, sure, I'll share. Let me share this little tidbit with you. You guys are nuts. Attractive, virile, sexy? Women want ya? For what? To check their make-up? But you human flashlights have really helped me. When I came here tonight, I thought I was bald. But looking at you guys, I realize two things. One, I really miss shooting pool, and two, I'm not bald. Steve's not bald. You guys are bald. Really bald. One hundred watt, soft-white bald. Let me say one more thing. If and when I do lose my hair, I still won't be sitting here with you. Cause I have something at home that doesn't care what I look like. That accepts me for what I am, and is always there when I need it. My couch.

    • (Al and Steve are led into the bold people meeting blindfolded)
      Al: I don't like this. It's like the day I got married.
      (They are sat down and the blindfolds are taken off)
      Guys: Hi Steve. Hi Al.
      Al: Can I please have my blindfold back?

    • Al: I hope when you will become a man, hair won't be important. That a man won't be judged by what he looks on the outside, but who he is on the inside. But that's not gonna happen, so here you go. (gives him the Instant Hair bottle)

    • Steve: (rubbing Dr. Fur on his head) Oooh, I can feel it working.
      Al: It smells like dog food.
      Steve: If I thought it would grow hair, I'd put your socks on my head.

    • Al: Oh, "Monoxodyl: Hope for the hairless."
      Steve: You know what this is? This is the stuff they give guys who are... (mimbles)... Going bald.
      Al: Huh?
      Steve: (loud)Going bald! Why would someone give that to me?
      Al: Well, I don't know, let me see your head.
      (Steve shows Al the back of his head)
      Al: Ahh.
      Steve: What, do you see something?
      Al: My reflection.
      Steve: Then it's true. It's starting.
      Al: That's like saying Bette Davis is just starting.
      Steve: You mean you saw this and didn't tell me?
      Al: I saw it and didn't care.
      Steve: You're awfully cavalier about this, y'know. Old Man Time's been doing a little mowing on your head, too.
      Al: I know.
      Steve: What do you mean you know?
      Al: Sure. You've seen my wife, my house, my kids. I'm lucky my hands haven't fallen off!
      Steve: How can you accept this? If all our hair falls off, our, our, our wives won't want us anymore.
      Al: Well, there you go! Look on the bright side.

    • Peggy: You were great, Al.
      Al: Leave me alone.
      Peggy: Oh c'mon, Al. You know I really really believe if you'd practice once in a while, you could actually get good at sex. And honey, you don't have to hit your head.
      Al: That's the one part I enjoy, Peg. Keeps my mind off what the rest of my body is going through.
      Peggy: Yeah, well, take it from me, it's not going through much.
      Al: Why did I ever agree to this Tuesday night sex?
      (Al turns on the TV)
      Announcer: And that's it for Monday Night Football.
      (Al turns off the TV and looks at Peggy)
      Al: It isn't Tuesday, Peg. You've done a bad thing. You must be punished.
      Peggy: Oh, Al. I just wanted it to be closer to your shower night.
      Al: Pretty brazen when you're all satisfied, aren't you?
      Peggy: Just because I scream does not mean I'm satisfied. I was screaming because my hair was caught in your watch. I didn't wake you, did I?

  • Notes

  • Allusions