Al: (to Peggy) You're going to dust for the computer? When was the last time you dusted for me? Or cooked for me? Or listened to one word I said?
Peggy: Al, don't just sit there silently, say something about the computer.
Al: We don't need a computer, and I'll tell you what would happen if we got one: just like when we had the kids, everybody "ooh"s and "aah"s the first couple of days, then after the novelty wears off, it just sits there, collects dust and cries for food. No, I'm telling you, nobody needs kids. (catches his mistake) No, I mean - I mean a computer.
Peggy: Come on, Al. Don't you want Bud to have all the things you never had? You know, an education, a good job, a happy wife...
Al: Come on, Peg. You can't tell me that seeing me up to my armpits in misery doesn't make you happy.
Al: You know, I just realized that we've got someone in this house that eats, lies around all day and does absolutely nothing.
Peggy: Awww, Buck is cute.
Al: I was talking about you, Peg. But the dog's pretty useless too. You know, something else just dawned on me.
Peggy: That people can shower during the week?
Al: What do I need a computer for?
Marcy: News updates?
Marcy: Social events?
Al: TV guide.
Al: (Placing arm around Peg) Don't eat.
Steve: Doctor's appointments?
Al: Don't care.
Peggy: I didn't marry a happy man.
Al: No, you did Peg. You just turned him into me.
Al: Now, we're not getting a computer. Computers are ruining the country, computers and women.
Peggy: Yes, and they're quite similar, Al, because you don't know how to turn on either one.
Al: I'm not interested in either one.
Steve: I used to be like you, Al. Well, not just like you, I mean, I cared about personal hygiene, and had change for a dollar. But I too doubted the computer. No longer, Al. The computer can be your friend. Especially on those long nights when your wife isn't talking to you 'cause she can't fold a stinking napkin.
The specs of their computer which was pretty sweet back in the day: 3600 baud modem, VGA monitor, 40 MB hard disk, 7 MB RAM
The story Bud tells Kelly about Moby Dick refer to the 1960s sitcom Mister Ed.
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