Married... With Children Season 5 Episode 5

Al: Peg, I thought tonight we might do something different. You know the newlywed couple at the end of the block? I peeked in their window.
Peg: Oh, you're so kinky, baby.
Al: Peg... I want to do what they were doing.
Peg: Well, I'm game. What were they doing?
Al: They were EATING!

Peg: Hi, honey. I ordered you a pizza.
Al: Ah, no, I'm not falling for that one. I was at that window so long the neighborhood kids thought I was a jack-o'-lantern.

Al: Let me get this straight, pardon the expression. You say that your husband is running around with my wife?
Pete: Yes.
Al: Your husband?
Pete: Yes.
Al: You know you're a guy, right?
Pete: Yes!
Al: Well, then we got three guys that won't touch my wife. What's the problem?

Al: Uh, easy, big fella. Easy there. I'm sure we can figure out what happened. Maybe your guy isn't getting what he needs at home.
Pete: Oh, no. Our sex is great.
Al: I don't want to hear about that!

Al: (still trying to figure out Pete's problem) Well, maybe he's just tired of you sitting at home while he's out working.
Pete: No, I work. I'm an office manager... 40 thou a year.
Al: That bastard! Guys like that deserve what they get.
Pete: He's getting your wife.
Al: Well, let the punishment fit the crime.

Pete: I don't know. Maybe it's my fault. Andy's a man about town, whereas I just like to stay home and watch a ball game.
Al: Wait a second. Wait a second. You--you work, you cook, and you like sports?
Pete: Yeah. Except for soccer. I mean, that's not really a man's game.
Al: I love you.

Andy: (after Peg told him about Al) A shoe salesman? Come on, nobody's a shoe salesman!
Peg: Well, he thought he'd start at the bottom and...stay there.

Peg: Oh, admit you're lucky to have me as your wife. I could've had anyone. I could've had Andy at the snap of a finger. He was sexy, he was hot, he was....
Al: He was a homo, Peg.

Al: (to Peg) Now feed me or feed me to something. I just wanna be part of the food chain.