Marcy Rhoades D'Arcy
Peg: You know, Al, as long as I live, I will never understand your fascination with baseball.
Al: Well, if you'd promise not to live too long, I'd tell you.
Peg: Ow! Oh, my tooth!
Al: Jefferson, I can't stand to hear Peg in so much pain. Do you have any novocaine?
Peg: (whining) Al, it's getting wooorse!
Al: How about some duct tape?
Walter Traugott: I came here to ask you a question. Specifically, do you know the man in this picture? (shows a picture of Jefferson with two men) Or this one? (shows a picture of Jefferson with another man) Or maybe this one? (shows a picture of Jefferson with a group of men) I'll cut to the chase. This man is one of the most dangerous people in the world.
Al: Joey Bishop? I always suspected that.
Al: Uh, Peg, please just go wait in the car. I'll be right there.
Peg: Promise me, Al?
Al: Yes, I promise, Peg.
Peg: You swear to me, Al?
Al: DAMN YOUR HIDE, YES, I PROMISE! Wait in the freaking car!
Al: Walter Traugott came into the store today, told me you were a spy. Said he'd give me a $50,000 reward if I turned you in.
Jefferson: Did you?
Al: Do I look like I'm in Rio without the wife and kids? Although, there is a plane leaving at six.
(Discussing April fools jokes)
Al: Peg, remember Mrs. Quinn, our music teacher?
Peg: Yeah, one april fools we faked a love note from her to the female gym teacher.
Al: And the school board suspended her license...
Peg: Just three days before her retirement...
Al: And her husband divorced her, left her penniless.
Episode title: The D'Arcy Files
This is a parody of the TV-series called The X-files.
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