Married... With Children

Kelly: (to Bud) But I do know this; you can go and jump out of a plane and go hurtling to your death, but mark my words - you will not even get a cheap feel out of this. You will die a flat virgin.

Jefferson: (to Al) Yeah, tough break, buddy. Oh, I'll tell ya, Al. It's Friday night, I've got herb tea, we're with the girls we love... and we're playing a game that's sure to become the next middle age craze.Will it always be like this, Al? Al: (to Jefferson) No, no, one day it'll be just like this only we'll be wearing Depends undergarments.

Kara: (to Bud) You're so brave Grandmaster B. You're all I ever wanted in a man. My last boyfriend was so boring. All we did was make love.

Peggy: (Reading "Sexual Intimacy" card) "If your lover was suddenly unable to perform..." (Al lowers head) "and was a shoe salesman, and named 'Al'..." Al: Give me that. There's no way it could possibly say that. Oh, my God, it does! Peggy: "And an old lover came to town..." They must mean Jim. "would you have a sleazy affair with him?" (brief pause) Yeah.

Bud: I'm really gonna take the advice of someone's who's fooled by every single disguise of the Trix Rabbit. Kelly: Yeah like you know who he is before his ears flop out.