If I'm not mistaken...how could Marcy open the door if after Jefferson walks in, he automatically locks the door and then starts talking to Al?
(the doorbell has rung)
Al: Pumpkin, could you see who's at the door?
Kelly: (staring at it from staircase) No. UGH! Maybe I need new glasses!
Kelly: You guys should see how clean Mom got the bathroom upstairs. Did you know that there's a window above the sink?
Bud: Kel, there's no window in the bathroom.
Kelly: Yes there is! It looks into the house across the street. There's this girl there who looks exactly like me. Every time I look over there, she's always staring at me. Maybe she's a lesbian.
Bud: Maybe she's an idiot.
Kelly: She does have this really stupid look on her face. Come on, I'll show you. Oh, I hope she's home!
(standing before a board labeled 'Peg's Schedule)
Al: Kids, now that we've retrained Mommy, I've come up with a plan that will maximise her productivity. There are 3 of us. And Mommy can only work 24 hours a day.
Peggy: You know, I don't remember any of you. But, if you say you're family, I guess it's true.
Al: Yeah, why would we lie about something the courts have ruled on repeatedly?
(Peggy has hit her head, and woken up not knowing who anyone, herself included, is. A gleeful Al is trying to take advantage of this by pushing her out of the front door with a suitcase and directions)
Kelly: Ohmygod - Mom has Indonesia!
(Peggy is passed out on the couch; the kids are loudly trading insults)
Al: Kids, keep it down! Keep it down! Your mother needs her rest. The house is a mess, the family's starving. Her work here is done.
Bud: Hey, Mom doesn't look so good.
Al: You should see her without her mask.
Bud: And look at this TV Guide... (shows) The last chocolate stain was at three o'clock today. She's obviously been unconscious for hours!
Kelly: Hey, look! There's a dent in the coffee table like it's been hit by a big, hard hair-do!
Al: Listen 'Nancy Drool' and 'Hardly Boy'... it's impossible for your mother to have fallen, 'cause that would mean at some point she'd must've been standing!
Bud: (fighting with Kelly) And for future reference, the next time a producer asks you what your method is, please don't say "The Sponge"!
(Peg is at home alone, eating a snack and watching TV; she gets up to grab something)
TV: Today on Oprah: A clean house is a safe house.
Peggy: Yeah, right! (slips on a bon-bon, hits her head, and passes out)
Peggy: Am I in Hell?
Al: No, Peg, if you were in Hell then you'd be sitting on a throne and the devil would be packing.
Kelly: Mom's cooking? I'm going to call the doctor.
Al: Touch that phone and I'll kill ya.
Kelly: Hey, Mom needs one of those guys, you know, the ones that make you take your clothes off when you go into their office.
Bud: The Principal?
Kelly: Daddy, you might not remember this but, before the accident you had promised me a car.
Al: Honey, you might not remember this but, mommy is the vegetable in the family. Although maybe not the only one.
The title refers to the 1975 movie, The Stepford Wives.
Nancy Drew/The Hardy Boys
Al: Listen 'Nancy Drool' and 'Hardly Boy'... it's impossible for your mother to have fallen 'cause that would mean at some point she'd must've been standing!
Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys are two separate, famous series of mystery books
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