Season 9 Episode 6

A War for all Seasons

Aired Unknown Dec 29, 1980 on CBS

Episode Recap

"Here's to the New Year. May she be a damned sight better than the old one and may we all be home before she's over"
New Year's Day, 1951: Col. Potter wishes everyone a Happy New Year while Klinger shows off his winter coat from the Sears Catalogue. Margaret wants the catalogue, but Klinger traded it for the party favors.
Valentine's Day: A new catalogue appears, but it's a Spring/Summer version, so nothing warm. Margaret wants knitting equipment, Hawkeye and B.J. want a radio and Mulcahy wants seeds. All Klinger likes is a baseball glove.
Mid-March: Klinger, with said glove, talks about the Brooklyn Dodgers to Potter, who prefers the St. Louis Cardinals. They decide to bet $20 on who will win the National League pennant. But, since they feel they'll be home before the season ends, they decide that whoever's ahead by July 4 will win. An errant baseball lands in Mulcahy's garden as wounded arrive.
Late-April: Hawkeye and B.J. have to send a soldier with renal failure on a possibly-deadly trip to the U.S. Army's artificial kidney. They decide to study the notes of the inventor and try to copy.
Late-May: After a month, Hawkeye and B.J. figure out they can't make an artificial kidney but are thinking about peridonial levage as a substitute. While Margaret knits a scarf, Mulcahy puts up a scarecrow in his garden (made with Klinger's old women's clothing) and Klinger brags how the Dodgers are up by 9 games.
July 4: Margaret's scarf is now a sweater for a pilot, Mulcahy's corn-on-the-cob has been creamed by the cook and Potter pays off Klinger. Klinger then wants to re-bet Potter 2-to-1 with the Dodgers against the whole NL. When Potter suggests $50, Klinger balks...until Winchester decides to back Klinger up.
Early August: Hawkeye and B.J. have a fake fireplace now while the Dodgers are increasing their lead. Because of this, Winchester increases the payoff to 6-1, which makes Klinger nervous. A recent set of wounded has the doctors prepared to do levage.
Late August: One soldier is under levage for two weeks and is doing all right, but Hawkeye really would rather have the artificial kidney. Margaret's sweater has become a blanket (which the pilot will never see) and Hawkeye suddenly gets an idea. He figures the artificial kidney is nothing more than "a bathtub for the bloodstream". The bathtub will come from Sears and the sausage casing for the blood from Packo's through Klinger...who is being yelled at by Winchester because of the Dodgers' dwindling lead.
Mid-September: The casings arrive and Hawkeye and B.J. get to work on their kidney. The Dodgers' lead to the New York Giants is down to 4 games, which makes Winchester irate!
Early October: With the bathtub delivered, Hawkeye and B.J. get to serious work. Klinger hides out while the final Dodgers/Giants game of the season is played over the P.A., the pennant on the line. Winchester is outside pacing angrily while most of the others are listening elsewhere. When Russ Hodges yells, "The Giants win the penant!", everyone is happy...except Klinger and Winchester, who both have fainted.
Mid-November: The Pierce-Hunnicut Artificial Kidney is a success as a soldier with renal failure is now healthy enough to be shipped. The soldier is hoping to be home by Thanksgiving, but the doctors tell him to plan for the New Year.
New Year's Day 1952: Potter repeats his toast before they show footage of the game they won the money on...until Winchester slices the screen and yells for Klinger's head!