Col. Potter: Well if it isn't budget cuts, what in Sam Hill are you here for?
Williamson: Gentlemen, in my work for Congressman Laury, I have unearthed some news that will come to you as a severe shock. The real enemy we are fighting is within America itself.
Hawkeye: (sarcastically) Oh, wait a minute, suddenly it all makes sense. We're in the wrong country. It's not North and South Korea we should be fighting, it's North and South Dakota.
BJ: We could be going home weekends.
Col. Potter: Will you two put a cork in it? I think this lad has got something serious stuck in his craw.
Williamson: Right Colonel, this is quite serious. Congressman Laury has obtained incontravertable evidence that this M*A*S*H unit is harboring a communist sympathizer.
(Hawkeye and BJ look dumbfounded)
Col. Potter: One of my people, a commie? Who are you talking about?
Williamson: Major Margaret Houlihan.
(Williamson is accusing Margaret of being a communist sympathizer and threatening to prosecute her for it)
BJ: Don't tell this snake anything!
Williamson: Bad advice. By her silence, she would be implicating herself in the red menace.
Hawkeye: (furious) DON'T TELL US ABOUT THE RED MENACE! WE'RE UP TO OUR ANKLES IN IT! IT COMES OUT OF THOSE KIDS YOU KEEP SENDING US!
Margaret: You sure you two want to be seen with me?
Hawkeye: Are you kidding? Do you think I want to be seen with him? He eats with his fingers.
B.J. Hunnicutt: I can't let 'em eat alone.
Father Mulcahy: You know it's not in my nature to be suspicious, but I found some of Mr. Willamson's questions highly personal.
Hawkeye: I find his person highly questionable.
Hawkeye: Williamson's case has more holes in it than my combat boots.
BJ: And it doesn't smell as good.
Nurse: Any instructions, doctor?
Hawkeye: Yes, meet me in x-ray in an hour and wear something filmy.
Colonel Potter: I don't get to read too many papers here, the newsboy keeps throwing them in the minefield.
Williamson: You've been duped by a communist sympathizer.
Winchester: What a coincidence, so have you.
Hunnicutt: Klinger, is there someone in there?
Klinger: (hiding in Margaret's wall locker) No, I've been in here for twenty minutes and I haven't seen anybody.
Williamson: Do you always treat enemy soldiers?
Hawkeye: Of course not, only if they're sick.
Hawkeye: Freedom! Disgusting! Next thing you know they'll be threatening us with liberty and justice for us all!
This episode took its cue from the Senate hearings that looked into Communist infiltration of the military. Of course, the person who spurred on those hearings was Senator Joe McCarthy.
This is the first of 16 episodes written by Mumford and Wilcox, occasionally with other writers. The last is the final episode.
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