Klinger: You need an asafoetida bag.
Klinger: Asafoetida bag. You take a clove of garlic, hang it around your neck, and let the fumes do the rest.
B.J.: It also keeps away vampires.
Hawkeye: I'm a human being, not a salami.
Margaret: Ignore him, what you need is some eucalyptus.
B.J.: Hah, hah, eucalyptus. You must mean camphorated oil.
Charles: Arsenic will solve your problems, Pierce. I know it would solve mine.
Hawkeye: I bet it's something in here. Something small.
B.J.: Then it's certainly not Charles' ego.
Charles: Ah, hah, or Hunnicutt's feet.
Hawkeye: Why are we letting weeds grow here?
B.J.: Our last gardener tried to mow the minefield.
Hawkeye: I stood up in the boat, and I fell into the water. And I could hear him laughing before I fell in, then I couldn't hear anything, couldn't see anything. Then he pulled me back into the boat.
Sidney: But how did you fall in?
Hawkeye: I stood up, he was fooling around...HE PUSHED ME IN! He pushed me in! Why did he push me in? I hated him, and I thanked him. When he pulled me back in he said "You're so clumsy, if I weren't here you'd be dead already". I thanked him for it. I wanted to tell him I hated him but all I could do was thank him.
Sidney: Why didn't you tell him you hated him?
Hawkeye: Because I loved him.
Sidney: It's the little battlefields, the ponds, the schoolyards, the bedrooms, that can leave the biggest scars.
When Hawkeye is talking about Crabapple Cove, Sidney says, "Sounds like Norman Rockwell would have been bored." Norman Rockwell was an American painter who is known for his idyllic depictions of small-town family life.