M*A*S*H Season 9 Episode 3

Ignazio: You are toying with me like a cat with a dead moose!

Ignazio: You cannot leave me.
Margaret: I am not leaving. You're leaving. You must go back to your unit.
Ignazio: My unit can wait. Wars, they come and go, but you and I are once in a lifetime.
Margaret: Please, Ignazio, you've got to go back!
Ignazio: I cannot! I cannot leave that 'air, those eyes, those lips--how you say--beyond?
Margaret: Behind.
Ignazio: Ah, that also, I cannot leave!

Hawkeye: Charles--pick up that hoe or I'll have you spayed.

Margaret: Ignazio, you're making a fool of yourself!
Charles: You're not doing too badly either, Margaret.

Ignazio: This fine woman she love you so big and you not love her back!
Charles: What on earth are you saying and in what language are you saying it?

Colonel Potter (thanking people for helping with the cement floor): Next, Major Winchester.
(Everyone protests)
Margaret: Major Winchester? He didn't do a thing!
Colonel Potter: Pipe down, this is an operating room! As I was saying, here's to Major Winchester, for showing us that a man can be neat, clean and bathed and still end up smelling bad.

Charles (to Klinger): I've always envied you swarthy types and the gift you have for demeaning labor.
Margaret: If I were Klinger, I'd resent that, Mr. Clean Jeans!
Klinger: Well, I am him, and I do resent it!

BJ: This floor is a lot like you, Charles. Filled with culture and breeding no one else can tolerate.

Charles: My good man, I have better things to do than listen to someone make no sense in two languages.