Season 1 Episode 4

Chief Surgeon Who?

Aired Unknown Oct 08, 1972 on CBS



  • Trivia

    • Both Frank and Hot Lips were wrong about the regulations. As long as they are a good surgeon, anyone can be made Chief Surgeon regardless of their rank. This is more likely a display of Frank and Hot Lips' self-righteous attitude, regardless of regulations.

    • Henry enters his tent, where General Barker is searching for him. Henry holds a box full of worms in his left hand and a lamp in his right, which he then holds in his left armpit. When he gives the box to Leslie, the lamp suddenly has disappeared.

    • Hawkeye is sitting in the swamp and holds a guitar with his right hand and a glass of Martini with his left. After a cut to Frank and back, the guitar is gone and Hawkeye holds the glass with his right hand.

    • Goof: When Frank asks Hawkeye to assist him with a patient, Hawkeye doesn't bother to change his rubber gloves. This is against proper medical procedure.

  • Quotes

    • Frank: You're trying to take over. You answer every question, call every shot.
      Hawkeye: Well, you do it, Frank. I don't care.
      Frank: But they don't ask me the questions!
      Hawkeye: Gee, I can't imagine why. You've got a $30,000 car and two homes.
      Frank: No, that's a $30,000 home and two cars.

    • Hawkeye: (as he walks into his 'coronation') Thank you, thank you. You may all kiss my ring.

    • Henry: Frank, the closest thing to a salute on this post is the camp mutt scratching the fleas behind his ears.

    • Gen. Barker: Do you realize you have a man on patrol in a skirt?!
      Henry: Well, fortunately he has the legs for it, sir.

    • Klinger: Halt!
      Henry: Klinger!
      Klinger: Who goes there?
      Gen. Barker: The man's naked!
      Hawkeye: Aw, come on, Klinger, put on a dress or something.
      Trapper: At least a slip!

    • (General Barker leaves the Swamp)
      Ugly John: Watch out for the...(loud crash) trash can.
      Trapper: I hate loud generals.

    • Frank: Haven't you two anything better to do when you're off duty than to lie around and swill gin?
      Hawkeye: 'Swill gin?' Sir, I have sipped, lapped, and taken gin intravenously, but I have never swilled!

    • Hawkeye: Hiya, General. What are you doing, marching in your sleep?

    • (Hawkeye comes to Henry's office in his robe because he just woke up)
      Frank: He's out of uniform, as usual.
      Hawkeye: I've tried sleeping in my uniform, Frank, but my medals keep stabbing me.

    • Hawkeye: I don't like this at all. No, sir (Looks at his cards) You took three? (referring to Trapper)
      Trapper: Right.
      Hawkeye: And you, Kaplan? (referring to card player)
      Kaplan: Two.
      Hawkeye: (to Ugly John) And you didn't take any?
      Ugly John: Nope.
      Trapper: (to Ugly John) How would you like a land mine up your moustache?

    • Gen. Barker: What are you doing, Corporal?
      Radar: Doing, sir?
      Gen. Barker: D-O-I-N-G! What are you doing!?
      Radar: I'm listening to you spell 'doing,' sir.

    • Pierce: (to Henry referring to Frank) I can't understand why. He's the one with a $35,000 car and two houses.

    • Trapper: (on presentation of volleyball to Hawkeye) Your orb, sir.
      (on presentation of plunger to Hawkeye) And your sceptre.

    • Hawkeye: (in shorts, T-shirt, and dressing gown) Would I do anything to disgrace this uniform?

    • Gen. Barker: May I make a suggestion about Major Burns?
      Henry: Yes, sir.
      Gen. Barker: Give him a high colonic and send him on a ten mile hike.
      Trapper: With full pack.
      Gen. Barker: Good touch.

    • Frank: I have got oak leaves on my shoulders.
      Henry: And I've got dimples on my butt!

    • (Frank comes in Henry's office with his back turned)
      Henry: Frank Burns has got to be the biggest horse's patoot on this post.
      Frank: You think so?

    • (Henry is appointing a chief surgeon)
      Henry: The job will be a killer.
      Frank: I can adjust.
      Henry: I hope you can. I'm giving it to Pierce.
      Hawkeye: Thanks.
      Frank: What!? You can't! I won't stand for it!
      Henry: Frank, the one thing that will get you nowhere with me is impersonating my wife!
      Frank: What about rank?
      Hawkeye: Can I help it if I'm not as rank as you?
      Frank: This is unheard of!
      Henry: Face it, Pierce is the best cutter in this outfit! He's certified in both chest and general surgery! Frank, in case you haven't read the papers, there's a war on. We're here to patch guys together. We can't be so GI that we lose patients!
      Frank: Are you implying he's a better doctor?
      Henry: Yes! When the heat's on!
      Frank: Well, if you want heat, I'll give you plenty of heat! (He turns to leave)
      Henry: Frank...failure to salute a superior officer.
      (Frank reluctantly salutes Henry)

  • Notes

    • Though they share no scenes together, this is the only episode of M*A*S*H in which both "Spearchucker" Jones and Cpl. Klinger appear. Spearchucker would be removed from the cast when the creators learned that there were no black surgeons in the Korean War. Klinger would not reappear until "Dear Dad", and as well as in "Dear Dad, Again", after which he would become a cast member.

    • The party celebrating Hawkeye's being named chief surgeon is reminiscent of the scene in the movie when Trapper is named to the same post.

  • Allusions

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