M*A*S*H

Sidney: As you pointed out, Sigmund, there's a link between anger and wit. Anger turned inward is depression. Anger turned sideways is Hawkeye.

(Capt. Hathaway gets a look at a surgical procedure in the O.R. on a little girl) Hathaway: What happened? Hawkeye: Somebody dropped a bomb on her village from an airplane. Hathaway: Who did it? Hawkeye: He just dropped it. He didn't autograph it. Hathaway: No, I mean, was it one of theirs or one of ours? Potter: What difference does that make? Hathaway: A lot. It makes a lot of difference. Potter: Not to her. (Hathaway walks out of the O.R. stunned, Hawkeye goes out to join him) Hathaway: You brought me in there on purpose, didn't you? Hawkeye: Yep. Hathaway: You're a real S.O.B., you know that? Hawkeye: Look, you seem like a decent guy, too decent to think that this can be anything like a clean war. Hathaway: From up there it is... (breaks down into tears) was. God, she's just a little baby!

Sidney: The inmates have an interesting defense against carnage. Insanity in the service of health.

(Sidney finds BJ filling an air raid shelter with water) Sidney: You? You're the practical joker? BJ: Certainly looks that way, doesn't it? Would you like to help? Sidney: (excited) Sure! What do I do? BJ: As loud as you can, shout, 'Air raid.' Sidney: (after a brief laugh) Air raid! Air Raid! Frank: Air raid!! (leaps out of bed and runs out of the Swamp in a panic) Air raid! Air raid! (falls into the hole filled with water)

(Sidney tells Hawkeye and BJ about his patient that committed suicide) Frank: (emerging from under his blanket) Well, well, well. So the doctor can't cure himself, huh? Hawkeye: Oh, God. I thought that lump under his blanket was dirty laundry. BJ: It is.

Klinger: (in Arabic to Potter after he refuses to accept his 'injury') May the fleas of a thousand camels nest in your armpit!

(Klinger tries to sell his hoop earrings at the poker game) BJ: Klinger, don't you think hoops are a little trashy before breakfast? Klinger: If I thought it'd get me out, I'd wear hula hoops in my ears.

Frank: (to Sidney) I happen to believe in the sanctity of marriage--no matter how ugly or disgusting it gets.

(Father Mulcahy has dozed off during a poker game) Mulcahy: I had the most extraordinay dream. I was a Cardinal in Rome, and the Pope had a bad cold. Hawkeye: What do you suppose that means, Sidney? You're the skull jockey. Sidney: Well, Freud said every dream is a wish. Radar: One time my uncle dreamt he was dancing with a whale and when he woke up, our cow had eaten his pants. BJ: Do you wanna bet, or do you want Sidney to tell you what that means? Radar: Oh geez, I'm sorry, I didn't know it meant anything.

(as Sidney is about to leave) BJ: See you at the game next week? Sidney: Yes, I'll be here with twenty dollars in my pants and three aces up my sleeve. Hawkeye: Show a little imagination, don't make 'em all spades.

(Sidney enters the Swamp stepping and steps over a huge pile of clothes) Sidney: I can't understand why you call this place the Swamp. Hawkeye: We were thinking of calling it the latrine, but that name was taken. Sidney: (sees Hawkeye reading his letter) That's a private letter. Hawkeye: Then why'd you leave it under your pillow? Sidney: Can I have that, please? I want to erase anything nice I said about you guys.

Frank: I should have known better than to tell something personal to a psychiatrist!