Klinger (to Hawkeye and B.J. about the funniest person in camp) You two don't make the first cut. I'm writing my Uncle Abdul about what kind of place this is. Doctors, nurses, saving lives. Well, I got a commanding officer who dresses me up in his clothes and sits me on a horse named Sophie so he can paint his own picture. There's a priest writing war ditties. And a snooty major who pays me twenty bucks to go out into the woods with him and watch him blow up a pigeon with a land mine. And if that doesn't beat all, I got a head nurse who shoots unarmed luggage. All you guys do is go around telling jokes. What the hell is so funny about that?