Frank: Pierce, you're the most unmilitary man in this man's army.
Hawkeye: Thank you.
Klinger: I'm not takin' any chances with the evil eye.
Mulcahy: Is there any such thing?
Klinger: I came from a long line of short-nosed people. One day, my grandfather's camel spit in the eye of the village witch. Ever since then, we've been growin' 'em like this.
Frank: (about Hawkeye) First he brings in Korean civilians with unauthorized wounds, now he wants to drag in a pagan priestess to stir up the local spooks, which I don't even believe in!
Potter: These local spooks don't spook you, do they?
Frank: Certainly not! It's poppycock. But why incur the wrath of the man upstairs, hmm?
Potter: Who, MacArthur?
Frank: I do not intend to idly stand by and let Captain Pierce conduct his exorcism!
Hawkeye: Okay, you can conduct. I'll play violin.
Frank: Sir, he's joking about me, and about army rules and regulations, and it isn't funny!
Hawkeye: A comic is only as good as his material.
Potter: It's a little outta the ordinary, I grant ya.
Hawkeye: Colonel, I'd rather not operate on a hysterical patient. All I wanna do is to put the old man at ease.
Potter: I didn't say no, Pierce.
Frank: Not saying no, is that saying yes?
Potter: Yes. Not saying no is saying yes.
Frank: But what if general staff should happen to drop in? What if they see a priestess exorcising demons? What then?
Potter: If she knows her stuff, I may have her exorcise them off the compound.
Frank: Sir, you're not taking this seriously.
Potter: No, I'm not, why are you?
Hawkeye: Frank was once the innocent victim of possession. Through some tragic accident, they exorcised the nice guy and left that.
(Col. Potter gives Hawkeye his permission to allow a priestess to exorcise spirits on the compound)
Frank: Sir, you can't go through with this!
Potter: Can if I want to. And it's not you I'll apologize to, either. It's the good father.
Mulcahy: Why me?
Potter: Its not exactly what they told you to expect at chaplain's school.
Mulcahy: I wouldn't miss this for the world.
Frank: Not you, Father?
Mulcahy: Yes, me Major.
Hawkeye: Why, you spiritual thrill-seeker, you.
Mulcahy: Wondrous is man and mysterious the ways of God, and I would have no one shield my eyes from the glory of His works.
Frank: What does that mean?
Mulcahy: It means there's more than one way to skin a spirit.
Klinger: Weird things have been happening, Father. Igor hasn't drawn better than two pair in poker since Friday.
Mulcahy: Oh, my.
Klinger: And I ripped four nylons in a week.
Potter: You're giving me goose bumps.
Klinger: A stray bomb comes out of nowhere, blows up a shipment of chipped beef. What do you call that?
Mulcahy: A gift from Heaven.
(Kyong Ja gives Hawkeye a string of bells)
Kyong Ja: Here, doctor. A gift.
Hawkeye: Oh, thank you. Just what I needed.
Kyong Ja: Not for exorcisms. For decoration.
Hawkeye: I'll use it to chase away the blues. Or the olive drabs.
(watching the Korean priestess in OR)
Margaret: Don't you love what she's wearing?
Klinger Nah. Too pushy.
Potter: Well, Father, what's your critical opinion?
Mulcahy: Interesting. Sort of a cross between a bishop and a bullfighter.
Kyong Ja: The evil spirits must be exorcised from this place.
Hawkeye: Well, exercise is good for you. We'll send them on a five mile hike.
Margaret: You all know what day this is. Friday the 13th.
Frank: She's right, and--nah, doesn't mean a thing.
Hawkeye: Don't say that, Frank. I once spent Friday the 13th in a haunted house with a friend. I was never more frightened in my life.
Potter: You see a ghost?
Hawkeye: No, her husband materialized out of nowhere.
(Klinger is standing on a ladder to change a lightbulb)
Frank: Keep your petticoats out of my face!
Klinger: And you keep your eyes closed!
BJ: My aunt once talked to the spirit of Sigmund Freud.
Frank: That's impossible!
BJ: How come he sent her a bill?
When Hawkeye said "Acetylsalicylic!" as part of his mock exorcism, he was really just mentioning the active ingredient in aspirin (acetylsalicylic acid).
Careful viewers of M*A*S*H might think Kyong Ja looks familiar. Virginia Lee also played Yong Hi in "The Moose" in Season 1.
Mentioned by Hawkeye before he operates on the grandfather, Sol Hurok was an empresario and manager of performing artists such as Marian Anderson, Van Cliburn, Arthur Rubenstein, and Efrem Zimbalist, Sr. He also brought the Bolshoi Ballet to the United States in 1959.
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