M*A*S*H Forums

CBS (ended 1983)

fav MASH quotes

  • Avatar of Writers_Cramp

    Writers_Cramp

    [101]Aug 17, 2006
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    HelloStuart wrote:
    Writers_Cramp wrote:
    Mother, god MOTHER.

    Anyways....

    Do you have giant butterfly wings and a wand?



    Why yes, I do. How did you know?

    Frank: Another week in command and I'd of had you out of that dress.
    Klinger: I'm not that easy.
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  • Avatar of dlmsigh

    dlmsigh

    [102]Sep 23, 2006
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    "What is your name?" uttered by Charles Winchester

    "Horsehockey" a Colonel Potter favorite

    "I can step in, I can step out, in, out" initially said by Frank and then later on by Hawkeye

    The speech Hawkeye gave when he was sick of the food in the mess all "... a river of liver and an ocean of fish ..."

    Radar informing everyone of Colonel Blake's death:
    "I have a message: Lt. Col. Henry Blake's plane was shot down over the Sea of Japan. It spun in. There were no survivors."
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  • Avatar of SaitoGatotsu58

    SaitoGatotsu58

    [103]Oct 1, 2006
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    dlmsigh wrote:
    "What is your name?" uttered by Charles Winchester "Horsehockey" a Colonel Potter favorite "I can step in, I can step out, in, out" initially said by Frank and then later on by Hawkeye The speech Hawkeye gave when he was sick of the food in the mess all "... a river of liver and an ocean of fish ..." Radar informing everyone of Colonel Blake's death: "I have a message: Lt. Col. Henry Blake's plane was shot down over the Sea of Japan. It spun in. There were no survivors."

    Why would you like that quote about Radar and Henry?

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  • Avatar of HelloStuart

    HelloStuart

    [104]Oct 3, 2006
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    SaitoGatotsu58 wrote:

    dlmsigh wrote:
    Radar informing everyone of Colonel Blake's death: "I have a message: Lt. Col. Henry Blake's plane was shot down over the Sea of Japan. It spun in. There were no survivors."

    Why would you like that quote about Radar and Henry?


    Well, it's certainly very jarring...
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  • Avatar of Writers_Cramp

    Writers_Cramp

    [105]Oct 3, 2006
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    Oh, definitely. I don't think anyone would hear that quote and go "HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!" Unless someone was tickling them at the time.
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  • Avatar of XanyKaos

    XanyKaos

    [106]Oct 3, 2006
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    Agreed.  But it's a very powerful quote.  Very simple and official on paper, very emotional the way it was played out.
    A moment doesn't have to be happy to be Great.  At least, on a show...

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  • Avatar of HelloStuart

    HelloStuart

    [107]Oct 4, 2006
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    Writers_Cramp wrote:
    Oh, definitely. I don't think anyone would hear that quote and go "HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!" Unless someone was tickling them at the time.

    Or hated McLean Stevenson.
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  • Avatar of Pennyroyalty

    Pennyroyalty

    [108]Oct 5, 2006
    • member since: 09/24/06
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    But...who would possibly hate Henry?

    Here's some of my favortites [though it's such a daunting task to get all of them]

    Frank: "It's nice to be nice...to the nice."

    Margaret: [flatly] "It's nice to be nice to the nice?"

    Frank: "I was just making conversation."

    Margaret: "Try doing it with your mouth closed."

    Henry: [over the radio] "Look lady, I'm a doctor trying to marry a soldier in the middle of a war!"

    Woman: "That's sick."

    General Steele: [to Hawkeye at his court marshalling] "Thought I forgot about you in the supply tent, didn't you?" Hawkeye: "It was a night I'll never forget."

    Hawkeye: "We can all be comforted by the thought that he's not really gone...that there's a little Tuttle left in all of us. In fact, you might say that all of us made up."

    Trapper: "Actually, I was thinking of becoming a bum doctor but the proctology class was full."

    Edited on 10/05/2006 3:51pm
    Edited 3 total times.
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  • Avatar of jupeho

    jupeho

    [110]Oct 19, 2006
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    Soooooo many great quotes!  So little time!

    These come to mind:

    Hawkeye (in the shower singing):  "They asked me how I knew,  her brassiere was blue!"  I don't know the episode.

    Frank to Potter as he is leaving for Tokyo:  "Don't do anything I wouldn't do."  Potter replies: " I don't know that I would want to do anything you would do."  Radar laughs.

    Potter:  "Wounded come before personal chaffing"

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  • Avatar of h_hamcf

    h_hamcf

    [111]Dec 23, 2006
    • member since: 12/13/06
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    as so many have said before me, there are so very many good quotes from M*A*S*H
    here's a few i like that i dont think anybody has said so far--enjoy!

    Hawkeye: No wonder they execute people at dawn. Who wants to live at six A.M.?
    Frank Burns: I'm sick of hearing about the wounded. What about all the
    thousands of wonderful guys who are fighting this war without any of
    the credit or the glory that always goes to those lucky few who just
    happen to get shot.
    Charles: I'd sooner share my toothbrush with a Democrat
    Hawkeye: Insanity is just a state of mind
    Charles: [to a patient in cardiac arrest] Live! That's an order!
    Cpl. Igor Straminsky: See these fresh oranges? They don't grow on trees, you know.

    Charles: A Winchester acknowledges only one 5:30 a day. This is not it.

    the first night Potter is there and Radar rushes in to wake him up because there's bombing/shelling going on and Potter is sound asleep, but wakes up when he hears Radar, listens to the racket, says "It's ours" and starts to go back to sleep

    Hawkeye: I thought he was dead.
    Trapper: He got better.

    Colonel Flagg: This won't look good on your record.
    Frank Burns: But colonel, it's just Reader's Digest.
    Colonel Flagg: Not if you eliminate the third, fifth, and sixth letters, then it's Red's Digest, comrade.

    Frank Burns: Why don't you guys like me?
    Hawkeye: Because you're a lousy doctor and a rotten person.
    Frank Burns: Aside from that.
    B.J.: Well, there's your pimples.
    Frank Burns: My pores won't close.
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  • Avatar of stormrunner89

    stormrunner89

    [112]Dec 24, 2006
    • member since: 12/15/04
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    rogue_angel7o9 wrote:
    my all time favorites would have to be "Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice, pull down your pants and slide on the ice"~Sidney Freedman.

    Yeah, well, I'm feeling kinda slow, but what does that mean? I've wondered that since I first heard it.

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  • Avatar of Writers_Cramp

    Writers_Cramp

    [113]Dec 26, 2006
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    He's a psychiatrist, who says it has to mean anything?
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  • Avatar of thedeadpoint

    thedeadpoint

    [114]Dec 27, 2006
    • member since: 06/14/06
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    I've got the following ones as away messages I regularly use (in no particular order):

    Hawkeye: Roses have fistfights to see who can smell like her. Her wit is so sharp you can shave with it. When they heard the sound of her laughter, six nightingales got out of the business...

    Sidney: As you pointed out, Sigmund, there is a link between anger and wit. Anger turned inward is depression. Anger turned sideways is Hawkeye.

    Hawkeye: Another thing you could do is you could, uh, get out in the road there, where the jeeps are coming by, and everybody stick your foot out, in front of a jeep. And the last one to pull his foot in is the sane one.

    Hawkeye: I mean look at your hand. its one of the most incredible instruments in the universe. of all the bones in the body, 1/4th are int he hand. forget the hand, look at your thumb. that wonderous mechanism that separates us from the animals. the world famous opposable thumb. that amazing device that has transported more students to college than the boston postroad. Ideal for sucking, especially as a baby. And lauded in song and story as the perfect instrument for pulling out a plum. or in the case of the caesars, holding it down for the gladiator to do or holding it up, which means "see you later, at the orgy."
    My friends, for getting up and down the pike, in your pie, in your eye, I give you the thumb.
    Have you any idea farmer brown, of the incredible complexity of this piece of human apparatus? -----Not a complete quote but its from the monologue episode where hawkeye gets a concussion.

    Hawkeye: Frank, do you know what a hero is? Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, he's somebody who's tired enough and cold enough and hungry enough not to give a damn. I don't give a damn. Hawkeye: I am the essence of overconfidence! I am speculation, adventure, the spirit of pursuit, the stag howling for its winsome yet anonymous mate. I am the love call of evolution; the perfume and color of the flowers as they offer their pollen to the gentle buzz of the bees. I am sex itself, gentlemen. I am life. I am appetite! Hawkeye: What a unique device, the human tush. An architectural wonder, one of a kind...actually two of a kind. Designed to support our weight for a lifetime of sitting it also has the subtlety to do the samba. And when attached to certain members of the female species at a time when light summer dresses are worn can cause some of us to drive our cars straight up a lamppost.

    Hawkeye: I will not carry a gun, Frank. When I got thrown into this war I had a clear understanding with the Pentagon: no guns. I'll carry your books, I'll carry a torch, I'll carry a tune, I'll carry on, carry over, carry forward, Cary Grant, cash and carry, carry me back to Old Virginia, I'll even 'hari-kari' if you show me how, but I will not carry a gun! Sidney: Ladies and Gentlemen... take my advice: Pull down your pants and slide on the ice...

    Sorry I had so many and couldnt have been more selective!
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  • Avatar of Writers_Cramp

    Writers_Cramp

    [115]Jan 3, 2007
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    thedeadpoint wrote:

    Sorry I had so many and couldnt have been more selective!


    We understand.
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  • Avatar of 135792468013579

    135792468013579

    [116]Jan 6, 2007
    • member since: 01/06/07
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    speaking of away messages, here are two of my favorites to put up...

    flagg: i'm with the CID; although i told your boss i'm with the CIA.  it throws people off who think i'm with the CIC.

    really the entire song "hey mom i wanna come home" but this is the part i quote-
    Oh, the surgeons in the Army, they say we're mighty bright. We work on soldiers through the day and nurses through the night.


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  • Avatar of SaitoGatotsu58

    SaitoGatotsu58

    [117]Jan 7, 2007
    • member since: 04/02/06
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    Radar:  I think the Chinese got her!

    Flagg:  I have been in this business for years, and I am not interested in the speculations of an amateur!

    Potter:  What's your theory then?

    Flagg:  The Chinese got her.

    Frank:  Fine, you go!  Colonel Flagg and I can find here on our own!  (puts arm around Flagg)

    Flagg:  My father touched me like that once.  To this day, he still has to wear orthopedic shirts.

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  • Avatar of HelloStuart

    HelloStuart

    [118]Jan 7, 2007
    • member since: 06/03/05
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    135792468013579 wrote:
    speaking of away messages, here are two of my favorites to put up...

    Flagg: i'm with the CID; although i told your boss i'm with the CIA.  it throws people off who think i'm with the CIC.

    Dang it- I was just about to post that quote!

    Excellent taste, my good man.
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  • Avatar of ct02809sb

    ct02809sb

    [119]Jan 8, 2007
    • member since: 06/18/05
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    Donald asks Father Mulcahy if he can do a Methodist wedding.  "Piece of cake".  Then Frank runs from Donald in fear.  Hawkeye says "Father, how are you at Presbyterian funerals?"
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