M*A*S*H Forums

CBS (ended 1983)

fav MASH quotes

  • Avatar of Frankburnsflagg

    Frankburnsflagg

    [141]Sep 11, 2007
    • member since: 01/19/07
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    Here are some of my fav Mash quotes :

    Flagg: Don't play dumb! You're not as good at it as I am!

    Rally Round the Flagg, Boys

    Potter: Making yourself at home, Flagg?
    Flagg: I have no home, I am the wind.
    Hawkeye to B.J.: I told you he was the wind. You said he was the stars!
    B.J.: No, I said he was the moon!

    The Abduction of Margret Houlihan

    Hawkeye on Flagg: The wind just broke its leg.

    The Abduction of Margret Houlihan

    Flagg: Don't kid with me, I have no sense of humor!
    Charles: You could have fooled me!

    Rally Round the Flagg, Boys

    Hawkeye: We can all be comforted by the thought that he's not really gone - that there's a little Tuttle left in all of us. In fact, you might say that all of us made up Tuttle.

    Tuttle


    Henry: I'm going to be frank with you, Pierce.
    Hawkeye: You're going to be Frank with me?
    Henry: I mean, I'm going to be blunt.
    Hawkeye: Oh good. Otherwise Frank would be Henry with me, and I don't think I could stand that.

    Dr. Pierce and Mr. Hyde

    All of these quotes make me laugh ...

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  • Avatar of ladybritcomfan

    ladybritcomfan

    [142]Sep 13, 2007
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    Col. Potter to Klinger in "Goodbye, Farwell & Amen":

    "You must think I'm the biggest dunce since the monkey wrapped his tail around the flagpole."
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  • Avatar of PapaTazzz

    PapaTazzz

    [143]Sep 19, 2007
    • member since: 06/15/06
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    rogue_angel7o9 wrote:
    my all time favorites would have to be "Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice, pull down your pants and slide on the ice"~Sidney Freedman.
    love this quote.
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  • Avatar of factor_8

    factor_8

    [144]Sep 26, 2007
    • member since: 09/27/07
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    The great thing about M*A*S*H is that it has little tid bits of things you can apply to your own life. These are some of thequotes I've written down over the years that I thought were funny and also useful. I did not see any of these posted here. If I've miss quoted or repeated a quote,my apologies.

    These Quotes from MASH are not only funny, but some are down right profound!

    "About the only thing a man truly has is his values, when he sells those out you don't have anything."

    "Nobody forgets what happens, the secret is learning to live with it." Hawkeye talking to a soldier

    "Try to look for good wherever you can find it."

    "How would you like a swift kiss in the mouth?"

    "I intend to bump into Nurse Baker. Repeatedly if possible."

    Hawkeye talking to Radar: "When I die I'm willing you my height."

    "I've heard a lot about you." "Well, I hope we can be friends anyway."

    "Not enough O's in Smooooooth to describe this stuff."

    "He Beej, come on lets go play some golf!"
    BJ: "Are you kidding? I'm in no condition to drive."

    "Oh come on Major, doesn't it get lonely up their in your ivory tower?"

    "Everybody is a jerk sometimes, it was just your turn."

    "I like a fence you can sit on without getting a perforated carcass."

    "How would you like your lip to donate a pint of blood?"

    "You can't save the world you know." "No, just our little corner of it."

    "Don't be silly I'm to frightened to be scared."

    "I'm not sleeping, I'm inspecting the inside of my eye lids."

    "Come on in take off your skin and rattle around in your bones."

    "Do you realize what time it is!? It's a quarter till dead!"

    "Are you right?" If not, in the next life I'm going to come back as a squirrel and run up your pant leg."

    Hawk: "Get your mind out of the gutter. Trapper "I can't help it, it's attached to my body."

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  • Avatar of mash_sg1angel

    mash_sg1angel

    [145]Sep 29, 2007
    • member since: 09/04/07
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    col. Flagg: "...it's the duty of every real American to be on the lookout for goldbricks, pinko's and fellow travelers. 'Course without the likes of Americans like you the jobs of Americans like me would be a lot more difficult. But don't get me wrong, Americans like me like difficult jobs. So don't get the idea you're doing the CIA any favors. We don't really need Americans like you, we don't need anybody."

    Radar: "Here's a mover and a groover and it ain't by Herbert Hoover. It's for all you animals and music lovers."

    Trapper: "What happens in the event that figure 'A' is attracted to figure 'B' and wants to get married. But figure 'A' is already married to figure 'C' and figure 'B' is engaged to figure 'D' but figure 'A' can't keep his hands of figure 'B' because she's got such a great figure."

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  • Avatar of Solargal

    Solargal

    [146]Sep 30, 2007
    • member since: 06/22/06
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    "Who was that?" - A drunk Hotlips asks equally drunk Trapper and Hawkeye as Frank storms out of the Swamp inthe episode Alcoholics Unanimous
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  • Avatar of Inglewolf

    Inglewolf

    [147]Oct 2, 2007
    • member since: 11/13/05
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    My all-time favorite Trapper quote: "You give me one more 'Sir' and I'm gonna prescribe a 24-hour enema!"

    although the "I thought you were Frank's bag" is a close second.

    Favorite "Pottersism": "Beaver Biscuits!" (after he loses at bridge)

    My Favorite B.J. line:after blinded Hawkeye is taken away Frank sneers "He's lucky you stepped in". B.J.: "You're lucky I didn't let him kill you!".

    And my favorite Dr. Freedman line: "Anger turned inward is depression. Anger turned sideways is Hawkeye"

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  • Avatar of jenniferbaymer

    jenniferbaymer

    [148]Oct 3, 2007
    • member since: 02/20/07
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    Solargal wrote:
    "Who was that?" - A drunk Hotlips asks equally drunk Trapper and Hawkeye as Frank storms out of the Swamp inthe episode Alcoholics Unanimous

    I love that episode!!! Hawkeye and Trapper get so annoyed with each other when they're not drinking!

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  • Avatar of Toodles88

    Toodles88

    [149]Oct 28, 2007
    • member since: 10/18/07
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    Here are some of mine:

    Margaret: "Oh I'm not so think as you drunk I am!"

    Trapper: "What happens in the event that figure 'A' is attracted to figure 'B' and wants to get married. But figure 'A' is already married to figure 'C' and figure 'B' is engaged to figure 'D' but figure 'A' can't keep his hands of figure 'B' because she's got such a great figure?"

    Frank: "I'm in a box!"
    Hawkeye: "We all feel that way sometimes, Frank."

    Margaret: "There I was, innocently making my way into my tent when suddenly a sniper began shooting, bang bang! But, my valient foot locker jumped in front of me, giving it's life so I may live. Now take this worthless piece of junk and get me a new one!"
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  • Avatar of lyghthouse

    lyghthouse

    [150]Oct 28, 2007
    • member since: 07/13/07
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    From "Iron Guts Kelly":

    Henry: Is he talking about killing a general that's already dead? Trapper: That's right, Henry. Henry: Well, isn't that kinda crazy? Wortman (on phone arranging death scene near show-end): And rockets--I want plenty of rockets. Hawkeye: That's for the red glare.

    From "Exorcism"

    Frank: (to Klinger) That's it! I'm confining you to quarters! Hawkeye: That's right! Give me all your nickles and dimes!

    From "The Merchant of Korea"

    Potter: Okay, if anyone needs me, I'll be in my tent marinating the old bunions. BJ: Bon appefeet. Potter: Corny, corny.

    From "Peace on Us"

    (Hawkeye walks into the mess tent and sees everyone dressed in red, wearing red clothes)

    Radar: What are you laughing at? This is supposed to cheer you up!
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  • Avatar of ladybritcomfan

    ladybritcomfan

    [151]Oct 30, 2007
    • member since: 06/16/05
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    Col Potter: Woo, do that voodoo that you do so well.

    Trapper: You use my razor? Hawkeye:I've been getting alot of complaints about my armpits.

    (About dating a new nurse)

    Margaret: Isn't she a little young for you? Frank: I don't know. I thought a little youth might be nice for a change.

    Father Mulcahy: Private, a faith of convenience is a hollow faith.

    Radar: I guess it's a bear we all have to cross.

    Klinger: The last time I dropped my pants they put me in the army. The next time will be to stick them out the portal to waive bye-bye.

    Edited on 10/29/2007 11:08pm
    Edited 2 total times.
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  • Avatar of seaqueastdsv

    seaqueastdsv

    [152]Nov 6, 2007
    • member since: 07/16/07
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    the one where BJ says to FRANK whats up fairet face.
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  • Avatar of ladybritcomfan

    ladybritcomfan

    [153]Nov 6, 2007
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    Father Mulcahy: This isn't one of my sermons, I expect you to listen.
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  • Avatar of lyghthouse

    lyghthouse

    [154]Nov 7, 2007
    • member since: 07/13/07
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    ladybritcomfan wrote:
    Father Mulcahy: This isn't one of my sermons, I expect you to listen.


    (laughing)

    that's a great one.
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  • Avatar of ladybritcomfan

    ladybritcomfan

    [155]Nov 7, 2007
    • member since: 06/16/05
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    From The Trial Of Henry Blake:

    Meg Cratty(Presenting a pregnant Korean woman to the tribunal): This is an example of Henry Blake's work.
    Henry Blake: Oh brother, this is all I need.
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  • Avatar of axolotlgirl

    axolotlgirl

    [156]Nov 11, 2007
    • member since: 05/20/07
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    I apologise if this has already been said.

    Frank: Colonel, there's a war going on!

    Henry: Well, that would certainly explain the noises at night, Frank!

    TeeHee you guys have come up with some good ones!
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  • Avatar of HelloStuart

    HelloStuart

    [157]Dec 2, 2007
    • member since: 06/03/05
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    seaqueastdsv wrote:
    the one where BJ says to FRANK whats up fairet face.

    That would be "Welcome to Korea," Year 4.
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  • Avatar of tom567649

    tom567649

    [158]Dec 5, 2007
    • member since: 03/26/06
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    Frank: When are you going to learn about Chinese treachery? Didn't Pearl Harbor teach you anything?

    This one ALWAYS makes me laugh!!!

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  • Avatar of ladybritcomfan

    ladybritcomfan

    [159]Dec 8, 2007
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    Hawkeye: I'm very fond of Radar. He's both the son and pet I've never had.
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  • Avatar of neurononsense

    neurononsense

    [160]Dec 14, 2007
    • member since: 12/14/07
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    Someone may have already said this one, but I love it when Father Mulcahy gives a sermon on the evils of alcohol while completely drunk. He says, "Friends, let me tell you something, however compulsory it may be: there's no film. I'm live." The way he carries out that line is perfect.
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