M*A*S*H

Season 5 Episode 10

Hawkeye Get Your Gun

4
Aired Unknown Nov 30, 1976 on CBS

Episode Recap

Part One: During a long OR session, Hawkeye has a nurse scratch his back. When it's mentioned that its 0100 hours, Col. Potter says that he's worked around the clock. Frank asks if he needs any help and when he asks why, Frank says that it's because he's old. Potter insists that he can match Frank patient for patient. He says that he was the first one in and he'll be the last one out, then mutters under his breath, 'If they have to carry me out.' Later, Klinger is in the office while Radar is on a four-day pass. Igor comes in with a letter for Radar and a big package for Klinger. He says that it's the end of his military career. In Potter's office, he's painting a portrait of Hawkeye sitting with his feet up with a drink in his hand when Klinger comes in claiming that he is Zoltan, king of the Gypsies. Potter says that he is bucking for a court-martial, but Klinger says that he's not a soldier because he's not an American citizen. Potter asks how he could be a Gypsy when he's Lebanese, and he says that he was abducted by two Lebanese peasants who brought him up as theirs. He has a 'signed confession' and a letter he claims that is a request to go back home because he's been elected the king of his tribe. When Potter doesn't buy it, he says it's why violins drive him crazy. Later, in the mess tent, Frank is upset that there's no more rhubarb. BJ razzes him and when he tries to get away by sitting with Margaret, she gives him a shot. Hawkeye and Potter come in and say that a Korean army hospital has called them for help; they need doctors and supplies. When a GI gives Potter some rhubarb, Frank gets upset. The doctors try do decide how to choose the doctors to go; Frank says that the Colonel should let the junior officers go, but Potter wants to include himself. He commandeers a deck of cards and has them draw cards; the two low ones go and it becomes Hawkeye and Potter. He has Frank get the supplies. Klinger helps him, but tries to get him to go on the mission by reading his palm, saying that his future is covered in glory; Frank sees through it and stops it. When Potter and Hawkeye get ready to leave, he insists that Hawkeye take his sidearm along with him. Hawk objects at first, but Potter insists. Klinger brings coffee and a rubber donut because the roads are bumpy. BJ brings Hawk his gun and then Margaret sees them off. After a bit of tomfoolery, Hawkeye drives off. Part Two: Hawkeye drives down a road that is being bombed. He stops at an MP checkpoint. The MP says they should turn back because the road isn't secure. Potter says they are going in, the MP says that the problem is getting out and Hawk quips, 'Sounds like marriage.' After driving through more bombing, they arrive at the hospital. After getting a Korean soldier to watch their jeep, they go inside and are shocked at the unsanitary conditions. The lead officer, Major Choi, greets them and has them wash up. Later, in the OR, Hawkeye has problems with the language barrier, the unsanitary tools, bombs going off, and the elecricity going out. He tells Potter that in the low light, he looks like Greer Garson in Mrs. Miniver. Later, he and the Colonel sit exhausted, resting for a bit and having some of Klinger's strong coffee. Hawk tells Potter that he should get some sleep; when he says no, Hawk then says that he could put him to sleep by just saying 'sleep' three times. However, it's Hawkeye that goes to sleep instead. Back at camp, Klinger, aka Zoltan, and BJ wait in the office worrying about Hawkeye and the Colonel. Klinger tells him that their future is in the cards. He lays out cards and is amazed when he draws a straight. Later, Potter wakes up Hawkeye, who realizes that he put himself to sleep. Potter tells Hawkeye to relieve him. Hawk asks him to continue a dream he was having involving girl; when Potter says he's a married man, Hawk asks him to buy her a drink until he gets back. Potter then takes off his glasses, puts his feet up and falls asleep. Later, after their work is done, Maj. Choi comes in and congratulates them. Potter offers for him to come to camp to watch the whole team; saying that they have several great surgeons. When Hawkeye asks if Frank is included, Choi asks, 'You mean old 'Ferret Face'?' he tells them that Frank worked on several of his patients and luckily, they survived. They leave just as more bombs hit. On the road, Potter gets a thought, opens his canteen and finds that Klinger has put booze in there. Both he and Hawkeye toast Klinger and his nose(a double), Zoltan and his nose(another double), Charles de Gaulle and his nose(a triple), and Potter's nose(a half of one). Getting drunk, Hawkeye drives into the grass next to the road. Then more bombs and some machine gun fire go off and they stop and dive into a roadside bunker. The jeep eventually gets shelled. Potter gets his gun out and fires it across the road. He then orders Hawkeye to fire his gun, which Potter got out of the jeep before they left it, but Hawkeye refuses, saying that he hates guns that much. When Potter orders him to fire it, Hawk says, 'You're fired.' Potter tells him to just think of it as a noisemaker, so Hawkeye, after Potter releases the safety, fires his bullets into the air. After that, the bombing and shooting stops, so they get out of the bunker and find that a platoon comes out of the bushes. After they leave, Potter teases Hawkeye that he missed with all his shots. When Hawk says that he was the one who shot an apple of the Kaiser's head, Potter confesses that he is a bad shot too. They both laugh and stagger away. Epilogue: Potter is in his tent, exahusted, when Frank comes in to see how he is. He snaps back up and says that he is fine, and will go to bed after doing his pushups. He asks Frank if he wants to join him, but Frank declines and leaves. Then Klinger comes in and asks if enjoyed his tea. Potter says he did and Klinger offers to read the tea laves. He says the leaves say that he will take pity on a poor Gypsy boy who wants to go home. Potter says that he reads that the Gypsy boy is in danger of annyoying his commanding officer and is in danger of getting a boot in his tambourine. Klinger leaves, then Potter turns out the light and gets in bed.
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